Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Sometimes when you get so caught up in the stresses of everyday life, the most important occasions are in danger of simply slipping by without even notice. I've been feeling down lately and frustrated over our current circumstances. I kept looking at the time passing with angst and tapping my feet nervously.

Today, I glanced at the calendar and thought: "It's already..April 19th?! Tomorrow is the 20th..ugh. Is this Greencard EVER going to come..What are we going to do if it doesn't arrive by May 1st. "

Then I froze..... 4.20

Our wedding anniversary.

Tomorrow we'll be married for 4 years.

Last month we had been so upset because we thought we would be in two different countries on our anniversary. We're still together despite the odds against us. Yes, we're living in our boss's basement and struggling. No the Green Card hasn't arrived and everything is a mess.

But we're together.

After 4 years, My heart still hammers in my chest when he pulls off his shirt at night and climbs into bed. He still makes my knees tremble and my face flush. We still kiss before separating...even if it's just to walk into another room. We're still dancing around the kitchen in the morning and singing stupid songs. We're still finding new things to talk about even though we're together..LITERALLY 24 hours a day. Sure we fight, we've slammed doors and cried tears. We held eachother tightly, talking all night until it was resolved. We refused to go to bed angry.

He's still my bestfriend.

and I have such a crush on him...even after being married for 4 years. He's going to laugh when he sees these pictures. I snapped them today in the office. He jokes about how I take an ordinary photograph of him and make it look like a "model portfolio shot". He has no clue how beautiful he truly is.

He's sitting across from me while I type this in the office. He's croutched over the light table absorbed in a sketch. His pencil moving rapidly over the paper. I know that when I turn off this computer, We're going to walk home holding hands. I know that I'm going to fall asleep with my head on his chest. I know I'm going to wake up in the morning in his arms. He's going to pull me into the shower with him and another day will begin together.

That makes me happier than you can possibly imagine. I'm grateful for every minute we have together, more than I can express in words. There is so much I could write to describe my love for him... but I'm going to sign off now and put it in a card.

For this entry, I pulled out some older entries from my private folder and added them to this photoblog.

1. Someone like you - April 20, 2005. (Eric wrote this entry a year ago)
2. How I met Eric - April, 4th 2005 (the story of how we met)
3. A Wedding story - April 19th 2004 (our not so conventional wedding day)

I want to do something special for Eric tomorrow...
posted by Clarity25 at 4:16 PM |


At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Olaf 

Congratulations Clarity, Eric. It's interesting that you sometimes seem a bit surprised that you have the many readers that you do, and then you write an entry like "Love" and I think the whole world must want to join in your moment and perhaps have one of their own. And, not only do you have this wonderful experience, but you are willing to share it and manage to communicate it so well. Thank you and congratulations again on your anniversary. Best wishes, Olaf.

At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 


At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Maria 

"After 4 years, My heart still hammers in my chest when he pulls off his shirt at night and climbs into bed. He still makes my knees tremble and my face flush." Wow! This is so beautiful! Happy Anniversary Clarity and Eric!!

At April 19, 2006, Blogger Lyndon 

It was nice to read a story on a blog that wasn't about someone bitching or ranting about something.

Congrats on the anniversary! Hope you get your green card soon.

At April 19, 2006, Blogger Tara 

Damn, Clarity. I can't believe it's been 4 freakin years!!!

I still remember your wedding like it was yesterday. I remember I even started to cry when you were walking down the aisle...
And this bull dyke don't cry very easy!!

Happy anniversary kids!!!

At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Kristina 

Happy Anniversary darling! Love you guys and hope this is a good one despite everything going on!

At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Tenshi 

Damnit, Clari, I'm still on the hormone high. *sniffle*

Happy anniversary, you two. It's only 8pm, but I'm heading to bed... with a slightly lighter mind, knowing Clarity is feeling a little better. It's amusing how your friends' troubles turn into your own.

At April 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

Happy anniversary to you both! And may the coming year turn out well, no matter how it looks right now. -Bonnie

At April 19, 2006, Blogger Nightmare 

You always make me cry like a sissy in boys town!

At April 19, 2006, Blogger Nightmare 

Oh and happy Anniversary! you two did good to find each other!

At April 19, 2006, Anonymous autumn hour 

happy anniversary! may tomorrow be even more romantic and heart fluttering than normal. :)

At April 19, 2006, Blogger Tara 

But keep in mind, Clarity, if things don't work out with you and Eric, I'm here for ya!! *wink, wink*

At April 20, 2006, Blogger Crystal 

Happy anniversary Clarity and Eric!!! It's amazing how fast 4 years go by when you're so much in love, huh? You two are beautiful people and your relationship is a perfect reflection of that.

At April 20, 2006, Blogger MJW 

For a second, I was considering saving some time by simply copying and pasting everyone else's great comments into my own comment and offering them to you again.

You must be thinking, "Why would he would do such a thing?"

Well, because I share everyone else's sentiments completely, and I cannot think of any words of my own that are more heartfelt and appropriate than those that have already been written (OK, I'm sure you know I would never steal those sentiments; however, I certainly and sincerely second them).

P.S. There is a surefire way to affect rapid change in your life (in other words, your return to the U.S.). You need to start treasuring your remaining days in Germany. I mean truly treasuring them. If you think of them as an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime, "second-chance" gift, so much so that you soon hope they will never end, then they will most assuredly end before you know it. In the meantime, you will have made the waiting not only bearable but magical. It is sort of a cross between the power of positive thinking and reverse psychology. Fate will be so confused that it won't know what to do.

In the meantime, "Happy, Happy, Happy Anniversary, Clarity and Eric!"

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Vicola 

Happy Anniversary Clarity and Eric! I just hope that after 4 years of marriage M and I are as happy and in love as you two, you are the best advert for marriage I've ever seen. Here's hoping your next year together is everything you hoped and that the green card comes through soon. Love Vicola

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous fifi 

Happy anniversary, and may you have many, many more .

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Heeland Lass 

Sometimes a bolt of reality is required to make you take stock of where you are and who you're with. Congratulations on entering your 5th year of marriage! You should both be proud of yourselves, 4 a lot of people don't make it that long. Happy Anniversary guys. You're blessed. Much love. HL xxx

At April 20, 2006, Blogger Lisa 

Mmmmmm... love. I feel all warm inside. :) Happy anniversary Clarity and Eric!

At April 20, 2006, Blogger christina 

Happy Anniversary!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Jenn 

I ♥ you guys. To still feel that way after four years is amazing. I wish I could say that I felt that way about Kent, haha. (Well, I do but not every night! There are some nights I wish we had a dog house, heheh.) Things will get sorted out soon, I wish you the best. ♥

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Jenn 

And of course, I meant to say (but stupidly forgot!):


At April 20, 2006, Anonymous reva 

It so obvious how much you love Eric in everything you say and do, it's just icing on the cake to get a lovely entry like this. 4 YEARS!! I'm so happy for you!! I hope/know you are enjoying you day to the fullest:)

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Lisa 

Yay! Happy Anniversary to the two of you!

At April 20, 2006, Blogger Lerin 

Happy Anniversary to my favorite couple I've never met... ;) I hope today is extra-special.

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous autum 

Happy Anniversary!! You guys are so beautiful together, inside and out!!!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Jen 

Happy Anniversary Clarity and Eric!

Where Love Lives

Love can't be found in a poem,
No matter the poet's art.
Love isn't in the song lyrics,
No matter how sweet the part.
Love exists outside of sunsets,
And long walks on the beach.
Love prefers the quiet,
The out-of-the-way, and the hard-to-reach.
Love lives in the midst of our everday Lives,
And it's sweetest when shared by two.
Love lives best in the hearts of those
Who are years past their "I Do's."
So on this special day of yours,
We celebrate your love.
It lives in you, and we see it there,
Still brighter than the stars above.

I hope you have a wonderful anniversary! *hugs* Jen

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

The first entry I ever read of yours was the wedding entry two years ago. I was hooked! I've been following your diary ever since. I do not leave comments very often. in fact, I have only commented on your birthdays and your wedding anniversary each year. I really love your diary and your photographs. It was a comfort to me during my hard times and some of the things you have written about made me feel less alone.

So once again. Happy Anniversary. I'm wishing you both the best. I hope you keep writing and sharing your life story because I really do care. I think a lot of people do. We're all rooting for you.

You give marriage a good name again and made me believe in true love. :)

Best wishes from Alicia in California

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous poopiebitch 

Happy Anniversary, you two crazy lovebirds!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous alice 

Happy Anniversary!
I dont think I can add anything that hasn't already been said!
I re-read your wedding entry and yet again it brought me to tears!
It makes my own chest swell because you can just feel the emotions.
Have a terrific time!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous GdP 

I'm all welled up with tears from reading the entry about your wedding! Thanks for reminding me that I'm not holding out for a crazy dream. I want nothing less than your've confirmed it's possible.

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Ladybug 

Happy anniversary Clarity and Eric!!! You guys are beautiful.

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous BECKS 


At April 20, 2006, Anonymous Acorn 

Happy anniversary to us - me and Wade's 4th today, too!

At April 20, 2006, Blogger Stacia 

Happy anniversary!!! I'm glad you get to spend it together.

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous moonfaeryy 

Well...happy anniversary to you both! I know there will be many many more!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous TickTrix 

I thought about you two every time I looked at the calendar today ... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

At April 20, 2006, Blogger warcrygirl 

That has to be the sweetest thing I ever read. Happy Anniversary you two!

At April 20, 2006, Anonymous nikig 

Congrats and Happy Annie! Your love story...blows me away! I got so wrapped up in your stories I couldnt help but cry while reading todays entry and about your meeting and your wedding. I could feel myself there. My wedding felt nothing like that. Now I know what a true love is supposed to be like and feel like...I sincerely mean that. It seemed like I was reading something so wonderful it just couldnt be real. But it is! Keep having that "crush on him" and embracing when you leave the room ...keep holding hands...keep feeling tingles in your souls when you are around each other...keep going to bed in love and not in anger. You both inspire me with your love. Thank you.

At April 21, 2006, Anonymous geekgurrll 

I hope you had a wonderful anniversary. Congratulations!

At April 21, 2006, Blogger Kathleen 

I sent you a Happy Anniversary e-postcard, but I don't think you picked it up yet. So, Happy Anniversary!

I hope you're not mad at me for my comment at the other place. I have this problem that I say what I think and it's not always welcome.


At April 22, 2006, Anonymous Blaze 

Happy anniversary! Hope it was beautiful!

At April 22, 2006, Blogger Octavia 

Happy anniversary to you both!
I hope you both had a magicalgorgeousfabulous day. :)