Saturday, March 25, 2006
Strange Currencies

Last night Eric and I went out dancing at THE MOVIE, our favorite night club here in Germany. We knew full well that this would be our last time... We wont have much time for partying anymore. Too much to do.

We watched the dancers moving on the floor with the flashing lights spilling over them. An old Red Hot Chili Peppers song was playing. Everyone was laughing, singing a long and enjoying themselves. I remember when I first entered this club 3 and a half years ago. I remembered dancing with my sister here, I remembered all the meetings with our friends in the past, all the memories...

"Who would have thought I'd end up here in Germany?", I said thoughtfully. " I never would have thought..."

Eric smiled "It was all inevitable..you knew it from the beginning", He said

I gazed at him. Then I took his hand and we went out to dance one last time.

"I'm going to miss this..." I said afterwards.

"Me too", Eric glanced at me, and I snapped a blurry photo of the moment, just before we left

We stayed up late last night, chatted a bit online, Watched a movie and than settled down for a round of word scrabble

I don't know how many people have this game still. It was popular in the mid-seventies. It's similar to scrabble, but you have to form sentences instead of words.

We didn't want to sleep, It's as though we want to hold on to every last moment together here in Germany because I know we're going to be separated soon.




I was feeling down on myself this morning...

Sometimes I feel like my life is on the right track and things aren't going so bad.

I graduated college, got married to the love of my life and worked as an artist in Europe. I've traveled to Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin and other cities that as a teenager I only dreamed about. I think to myself "Hey, I'm only in my twenties and I have so much ahead of me."

But then...

I look at my mother.

When she was my age, she already owned a home, had 2 cars in the garage, and 2 children. She had a full-time good paying job, and a savings account. She was responsible, mature and had things under control.

What do I have? I don't quite measure up. I'm not quite ready to even have my first child. I don't own a home, or a car or even have a pension plan. I feel like my time is running out and I have a lot of catching up to do.

I suddenly feel old and I can't shake this feeling.

Although I lived life to the fullest and I don't have any regrets about the path I took. It's time to make a change within myself...

I've also decided to just go to the German dentist and get the appointment over with. Be prepared for some moaning again next week after the experience. Since the 2 cavities are so tiny, not even visible and causing no pain, I'll do it with out novocaine to avoid the additional cost. I'll call Dr. Donald Sutherland on Monday to schedule the appointment.

I made it to my mid-twenties without a single cavity and all of a sudden...wham! I guess it was inevitable. My change in diet was drastic when I came to Deutschland, I discovered the wonderful world of German sweets. I've become like that little German boy in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Now It's time to pay up.

I blame Lindt, RitterSport, Nutella and Milka for this.

*****

The 3Bubbles chat room is incredibly addictive. I highly recommend others test this on their pages. You can write to the administrator on the website (here) and request access. There's just a short survey you have to fill out.

In the past few days, I've chatted with Candoor, Sarcomical, Autumn and All-on-paper. Eric and I had a fun chat conference with Lisa, Octavia, Meine-Kleine and Alice. We also spent some time having an enlightening conversation at 2:30 A.M. with Retro-diarist. (I wish Alwaysmuted could have stayed a while longer, it was great chatting with her too) A member of the 3bubbles team even visited here and chatted with a few of my buddies while I was out last night. It was so much fun reading the logs when I returned. I missed a lot of the friends that dropped in to say "hi" So I'll keep it up for a while, this way everyone has a chance to join in if they'd like. Go on try it out, it's fun.



Now I have to return to what I was doing before I sat down to type up this photoblog entry...



Packing.



 
posted by Clarity25 at 10:38 AM |


19 Comments:


At March 25, 2006, Anonymous Tenshi 

"
I graduated college, got married to the love of my life and worked as an artist in Europe. I've traveled to Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin and other cities that as a teenager I only dreamed about. I think to myself "Hey, I'm only in my twenties and I have so much ahead of me."

But then...

I look at my mother.

When she was my age, she already owned a home, had 2 cars in the garage, and 2 children. She had a full-time good paying job, and a savings account. She was responsible, mature and had things under control."


I know how you feel. Almost exactly.

I feel so useless, so unaccomplished right now.

Don't worry so much about being responsible and mature. You're still young. That's what drives me batty some days... is that I've been too responsible all my life, and I'm just continuing the pattern.

I'd love to have your opportunities, just for one day.

Then again, the grass is always greener on the other side. Experience is the only thing that quenches the thirst.

At March 25, 2006, Anonymous autum 

yes, you can definitely post my sight. my bro wouldn't know f1shb0wl is me. plus, he isn't that internet saavy. thanks for asking. it was nice to chat with you, too. sorry i couldn't stay long. i love your bubble thing, though, i keep stopping by just to see what people have said, too. cool.

At March 25, 2006, Anonymous EmilyR. 

Wow, you have 22 spectators on your page, but no one is talking.

I was afraid to make the first move! I'm too shy!

I know what you mean, when I compare myself to others I always feel like I come up short.

But you have a lot going for you, don't forget that. You're creative, beautiful, happy and in love. Keep your chin up!

At March 25, 2006, Blogger fin 

Your photographs are so lovely....

At March 25, 2006, Anonymous RetroDiarist 

As I type this, you are chatting with Luna and Moonfaeryy.

Somehow you lost all of your old chat logs when you took it off line. I'm glad I saved my chat session before you did that. It is now in my personal offline diary. I've never liked chatting all that much, but it's starting to grow on me. I definitely enjoyed it last night. I'll do it again sometime when there aren't too many people chatting at the same time. I'm not too much of a "talker" in crowds. It took quite a bit of courage for me to log in last night, even when I saw you two were alone.

Clarity wrote: "I suddenly feel old and I can't shake this feeling."

That's still waaaaayyyyy better than feeling young when you are actually old. :-)

By the way, Eric, I didn't notice during our chat that you had asked me if I like Bill Maher. Yes, I do, but not as much as I used to. He is great when he is trashing Bush and his gang of thugs on his own show or on CNN, but I saw him a couple of times as a guest on Fox News (the republican propaganda channel), and each time he softened his criticisms and even agreed with them sometimes. I realized that he is out to make money more than he is out to tell it like he sees it.

At March 25, 2006, Blogger Stacia 

By the time my mom was my age she had three kids, and one of them was 13. I don't feel old enough to be a mom at all. The thought actually scares me, even though I want to do it someday. Different people have different life cycles. It's all good. Besides, traveling is the best experience ever.

At March 25, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

I tried so many times to get into that big chat conference tonight and it wouldn't let my messages go through!

It looked like so much fun, I enjoyed reading it. What a cool cool gadget!!

At March 25, 2006, Anonymous yelayna 

When mum was my age, she had 2 kids and I was about 6. she'd been going out with my dad 15 years.

I look at mum and I feel i'm not very grown up, but then I wonder out of the two of us, who is most jealous of who's lifestyle, and I think my mum would rather she was me and I was her, though I know she wouldn't have not had us, if you see what i mean...

I think everyone has a time for these things, and the world is a changing place. Right now, I think what you've done - living in a different country and all those things - its very cool. And It's what's been right for you, not anyone else...

I missed you tonight on the bubble thing, i was typing and nothing came out, and then you headed off, and i felt like i had seen you on the other side of a room but not said anything... so, I thought I'd say hello here instead :)

*hugs*

At March 26, 2006, Anonymous kristoli 

When my mum was my age she had a 15 year old and an 11 year old and had been married 15 years, had a house, mortgage and had gone back to university to get a degree, I can barely pay my rent, so yes I'm guessing what you feel isn't unusual ;) Online chatting is horribly addictive I was involved in chatting to loads of friends and the german for about 3 years, it was cool when I came in from the pub and there were pals to chat to, virtual or otherwise ...

At March 26, 2006, Blogger warcrygirl 

Just so you know I can't get in using just a nickname. I'm not sure if that was one of the bugs reported earlier or not. Sorry I missed all the fun!

At March 26, 2006, Blogger MJW 

Clarity and Eric: You recently mentioned the possibility of taking temporary jobs outside of your areas of expertise. Eric mentioned the possibility of construction work. How does $67,000 (with $23,000 benefits package) sound? And you only need a high-school education to qualify. Click here to learn more. The cost of living, compared to New York is practically zero, so your savings would be great. If one of you (or even both of you) were to hold such a job for just a year, you would be set to take on the world. I know a few people who have similar jobs and who actually like it (much to my surprise). I know for a fact that they love the money.

At March 27, 2006, Anonymous Vicola 

Hi Clarity! Am very intrigued by the chat thingy. Being a technological prat I've not got a clue what you do with it but it looks interesting. How is it that everyone else seems to instinctively understand how these things work and I have IT dyslexia? If it's any consolation, I do have a savings account but it only has 43 pence in it. My actual account is overdrawn pretty much permanantly, I don't want kids at the moment and my job sucks. So not everyone is settled by their late twenties!

At March 28, 2006, Blogger Sarcomical 

i really think that the 3bubbles thing is great. what a cool idea! but then i imagine it makes you want to just stare and stare at your screen waiting for new people to come to chat. ;)

p.s. your photos are incredible. and touching.

and also, your mother may have had all those things, but i bet if you asked her she would have loved to have had all the wonderful experiences you have had instead of being strapped with responsibility and being in one place. everyone feels that what they have could be better, and everyone looks at someone else who has what they don't (or didn't) and is wistfully jealous.

you will be fine. ;)

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