Last night I had intended on going to bed at midnight, but Eric was on edge. I could see that even if I went to sleep, He would remain awake worrying. His jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed and his body was tense. He was leaning over some documents and lost in thought. This move is really stressing us out and there are so many uncertainties. Will the Green Card come in by April 3rd? Where will we live if it doesn't? Will we be separated? For how long? Will we find an affordable place to store our belongings or will we have to sell everything we own?
There is an invisible clock residing over us ticking loudly and reminding us constantly of how little
time we have left....
"lets take a walk", I suggested "We could use some fresh air and we'll just talk"
One of the things I'm going to miss most about Germany
is how safe it is. At night it's quiet, the streets are empty and you don't have to fear anything. There are certain days that aren't safe to walk alone. (New Years Eve for example) But there is nothing to worry about on a lonely thursday night .
We put on our jackets and stepped outside. It was so silent. Just the occasional owl crying out and some laughter coming out of an open bedroom window. At night the town looks like an abandoned movie set. Old architecture and Gothic Churches. Our footsteps echoed over the stone cobblestone pathways.
Everything was closed and dark. Except for one little hole in the wall pub called "Aldstadt Treffen
" (Old town hang-out). There was a wooden sign hanging over the establishment advertising 1 Euro tap beers after midnight.
Warm candle light flooded out of the tiny windows. From the outside it looked like something out of Lord of the Rings
. You could see that this pub had been around for centuries.
We hesitated and peered in the windows. "We should go inside..", I said and pulled out a 2 Euro coin. "It looks warm, the seats are comfortable and we can afford a round of beers."
The inside wasn't quite as beautiful as the outside appearance, but it was nice.
So we did, the place cleared out after 30 minutes and it was just the two of us. We talked for 2 hours and sipped our one Euro Konig Pilsners. I could see Eric visibly relax...
We discussed our dreams for the future and our fears. We needed to get out. I know in the end, It's all going to be okay. I'm going to miss this little town.
This morning during our walk to work, I snapped some pictures of Eric. I love the distortion of the human figure through different panes of glass..
I have 2 new portrait assignments that need to be completed before I leave, I spent the day painting.
Lately I've been having terrible nightmares. I think all of my repressed fears and worries concerning my mother's health, my father's safety and my brother's situation have been emerging in the form of horrible dreams. The kind of dreams that cause me to wake up in sweat at 5 A.M.
It's been going on like this for weeks. Has anyone else suffered through repeated nightmares?
Any advice on how to curb it? Not eating before I go to sleep or something
I could do to prevent them? It's taking a toll on me and leaving me feeling drained.
Tonight we're meeting our friend, Peter and his new girlfriend. I have to log off and get ready. Even though our friends know that we're leaving soon, we've all been avoiding the inevitable goodbye. I guess it's less painful that way.
But when the time comes, there are going to be a lot of tears and it's going to be so hard for Eric. I'm
going home, but he's leaving his
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..