Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Life lessons
I spoke to Eric's father for the first time in my life on the phone today.

I was nervous and I messed up a few times. Speaking German can be difficult when I'm not really concentrating, It's especially hard when you're trying to make a positive impression on your father-in-law. It's simply not my mother tongue. The heat rose to my face every time I stumbled or searched for the right word to convey my thoughts.

I wish the call had gone a little better but I guess it could have gone worse...

We've arranged a meeting for Friday evening.

Eric is naturally nervous about meeting this man that is a virtual stranger to him. This is an encounter we both anticipated, wondered about and feared...for a long time.


We've been working a lot lately, Our boss hired us for a new project. It's small and wont bring in much income, but at least we're still employed. It's something. It will hold us over until we find a better-paying temporary job. We're still searching.

During our walk today into Town, we snapped a few photos. It was a bitter cold day. There are certain parts in town that are so old, It's like stepping into an old Brothers Grimm fairy tale.. Antique buildings, arch ways and sculptures. Today everything was shades of gray, with an ominous feeling...

About an hour ago, I was really frustrated. I called a friend from College to vent and was surprised to discover that she was going through a situation much more pressing and upsetting. A frightening situation with her husband. She asked for my advice, I couldn't find the right words.

"What should I do?"

"I don't know..but his behavior should definitely raise red flags for you, I think you should reach out for help"

"Have you ever been really afraid by someone's behavior and felt trapped?"

"Yes, a number of times in my life." I told her "Once when I was 15 with a man from the internet and another time a few years ago with a friend suffering from Schizophrenia"

Today I'm posting two of my previous entries from my locked diary to show that the scope of human personalities is vast. You can not assume that the person you're dealing with adheres to the same rules of rationality and logic which you deem to be common sense. It can be very dangerous to think "they wouldn't do this to me.... I know that person.. How could anyone?"

Both of these entries illustrate situations in which I was sincerely scared, but escaped unharmed. It just shows the unpredictablity of human behavior and why some actions raise red flags for me. I've been burnt in the past. Both were difficult for me to open up about. But my friend wants to read them and I told her I would post them here. A few people know about this aspect of my past, some do not.

- Internet friends - July, 2004
- Schizophrenia - May, 2004

In the end, it's only the stinging pain of the blister that teaches you respect for the fire.
posted by Clarity25 at 8:15 PM |


At February 28, 2006, Anonymous Tenshi 

Whew. You've got guts posting those. <3 Glad to see you and Eric have *some* work to go on.

Schultzy and I are having very similar problems, except he's more or less trapped in his employment and not making enough money. Looks like we'll be selling our nice, shiny vehicles for something more economical. *sigh* :(

At February 28, 2006, Anonymous Emily 

Those experiences must have been so frightening for you. I had chills just reading them. It takes courage to share that. Thank you.

Good luck meeting Eric's Father and I'm glad you still have some work to go to for a while. Those photographs make me want to visit Germany!

At February 28, 2006, Anonymous xanti 

I'm glad you guys have at least this little bit of work to go on. As I'm often fond of saying, "any money is better than no money." I hope things go well with your meeting with Eric's father and that you can find a better paying, longer lasting temporary job. Take care!

At March 01, 2006, Blogger Nightmare 

Some people say "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" I like to say Fuck that grab a baseball bat and start swinging!

But that is just me, I can be a bit impuslsive.

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous autum 

great entry. that last sentence sent s bit of a chill. not only is it SO TRUE, but my dad always used to tell me that (and still does) when life is really f'ed up.

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous alice 

Please explain why there is a creepy evil baker's head sticking out of the building...that is totally going to give me nightmares! The other two photos are beautiful and magical but the baker's head freaks me out!

I hope things go as smoothly as possible with meeting Eric's father. And Im glad to hear that you guys are still bringing in some money! I just did up a budget for myself and if I stick to it I will have actual money in a couple of months!

At March 01, 2006, Blogger Kathleen 

Good luck on Friday! I'll keep you in my thoughts and I hope it is so much better than you both think it will be.

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous Jen 

Wow, what incredible pictures! I am simply amazed at the beauty. Hubby wants so badly to go to Germany..although his reasons are car-related (the autobahn and the Nurburg Ring). What kind of camera do you use? You always have such fantastic pictures.. I really need to learn how to properly use mine! I'm glad at least you have a small project to work on.. I pray that you find something soon!

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous Olaf 

Hello Clarity. I just wanted to pop in and say that I am thinking good thoughts regarding Friday evening! I know it will go well, really. Ok, just wanted you to know I am in your corner and expecting good things to come of this new relationship. :-) O.

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous ricky 

Thanks for sharing those entries Clarity. I think sometimes people get caught up in the online friendships they make and don't realize that the person they think they know may be just pretending. We live in strange times.

At March 01, 2006, Anonymous Sarah 

I agree with Ricky, We do live in strange times. It's always good to use caution. You just never know. It's scary, isn't it? Good luck with Eric's Dad on Friday!