This morning when I woke up our financial circumstances immediately came crushing down on me.

I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to just fall back into a comfortable dream state. My stomach was in a complete knot and I felt like I was going to start hyperventilating.

But then I noticed something... My health!

I can breath clearly, my throat doesn't hurt and my head wasn't even pouding a bit. All remnants of the flu have finally faded. I suddenly felt intensely grateful for that, I opened my eyes again. I noticed the unique designs the sunlight and shadows were making on the wall.

When I rolled over, I saw that Eric was awake and watching me. I smiled "Hey.."

"Hey..."

I just stared into his eyes and He looked back at me with so much love. I felt like butterflies were fluttering in my stomach and my heart started pounding faster. I felt happy..I realized that it's going to be okay. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be okay. We'll get through this as long as we have eachother.



"How are you?", I asked

"Actually...My throat aches a bit when I swallow and I'm congested"

"Oh Shit."

I really hope Eric doesn't get what I had...So far he seems okay. Just a little under the weather. I hope it's just his immune system fighting it off.

Yesterday I didn't have a chance to update because we had new potential tenants visiting to look at the flat again. There was a lot of cleaning involved and we're slowly beginning to pack. So much to do and not enough time. I wish there was a pause button.

*********

Okay, So here's some thoughts on the Johari Window.

A lot of online writers posted this self-discovery game into their diaries and blogs. I filled this out for a lot of friends from both on and offline, also family members. I found that the closer I was to the person, the harder it became to pick six adjectives. Sometimes 10 or 15 would describe them. I wasn't really fully content with any of the Johari Window's I filled out.

But they're very revealing, because you see a pattern and it DOES cause you to learn a little more about how people see you versus how you see yourself. Especially when you have a mixed collection of family members, highschool friends, college friends and online friends joining in. .

As humans we're so complex, with so many dimensions to our personality. Yet based on our actions, behavior and the things we share certain personalities appear more dominant to others. The traits I had chosen for myself were self-conscious, friendly, searching, observant and spontaneous. Although a number of people agreed with these characteristics. The two personality traits that came up most often were Caring and loving. This was followed closely by giving, intelligent, kind, and reflective. It may sound silly, but I was really moved by the responses. Yesterday was really disappointing + stressful and I was still getting over the final stages of my flu. To see positive attributes through other people's eyes, lightened my day...

There were a few responses that surprised me, such as 25% saying I was brave. (?) I didn't see myself that way. I just brought that up to Eric.

"You left everything you know to come to Germany. You didn't even know the language, that's brave."

I guess so.

But the most interesting parts were the areas that I'm lacking in and the ones that got the lowest points in. Lowest score traits were traits such as bold, Self-assertive, independent, patient, relaxed, religious, proud, dependable and powerful.

hmmmm....

Than there are the traits no one picked to represent me. The reject pile. The parts I have to work on or that I don't really project to people. Calm (not really...) Confident (obviously not) Dignified (nope...) energetic (not really..no one has ever called me "energetic" before. Active but not energetic) Ingenious (I need to show some ingenuity and find a clever way of raising some income) Knowledgable. (there is little in life I'll ever claim I know "for sure" -- I always say "That's just my perspective") and the final one ORGANISED (Ha*)

I wonder how I'll feel when I look back at these results in 30 years... How much will I have changed as a person? A message to my future self: "I sincerely hope you are more confident and organised now"

Thank you guys for filling it out and giving me something to analyse a bit. It really cheered me up. If you did the Johari Window too, what did you think of your own personal results?