Monday, March 20, 2006
"Lost"
The topic for Today's Moody Monday is "lost"

It's a word I can really relate to right now, so I snapped a few pictures on my way to work.

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A lost sock..

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Sometimes you can see the thing you're searching for, but you just can't reach it. It's lost to you, which is even more painful than when it's completely out of your sight.


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This is how I feel sometimes as an American in Germany. Lost and out of place.


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************

It's already March 20th. We have only two weeks left in our flat...



Every time the phone rings, I'm always hoping and praying it's the American Embassy concerning Eric's Green Card.

It never is.

I'm trying not to let despair set in and I'm struggling to keep the right perspective. If his Green card doesn't arrive in the next 2 weeks, we'll figure something out.

This morning I woke up early, and I felt this sadness. I'm going to miss this flat. It's the little things I'm going to miss though...

The view of the neighbors windows from our livingroom. There's an old lady that lives there and she always looks so happy.


Stepping into the bathroom in the morning to join Eric in the shower.


The frames on the walls, the ones chosen by Eric..


And the ones chosen by me...

The trinkets in our house and the stories behind them... Every time I look at certain statues or figurines it brings back a memory.

That's my Great Grandmother. it's the oldest surviving picture, My Grandmother gave it to me for safe-keeping last year.

I'm going to miss the way the light hits Eric's drum that's always sitting next to the Record collection. He's had that drum for as long as I've known him. (Usually after a few drinks he pulls it out and starts banging on it.)

Pulling that cork out of the Coffee jar and smelling the aroma. Making fresh coffee in our crappy little machine from the 1970's.

Having our traditional German breakfast every morning, the fresh breadrolls and the cheese. Cheese that will cost 10 times as much in America. So I'll have to return to Kraft yellow single slices.

I'll even miss the feeling of complete dread that fills us every time we walk down the building staircase and view that.

(*image removed* - I could get in trouble for posting that)

Our "friendly" neighbor. (It's a common last name here. If you're bored, look up the German Definition for the word "Streit", It fits). Although we had a lot of problems when I first came to Germany. (Read here for the story behind this scary doorbell)... Things got better after the intitial year and I grew to love it here.

That's the front door of the apartment building, that leads out onto the street. We'll be handing over the keys and turning that knob for the final time on March 3rd.

But change is essential, and it'll be a new beginning. I'll be with my family again.

*****

Saturday night we went to meet some friends at a nightclub called the MOVIE, it was free entry before 10. I met another American! It's strange. For 3 and a half years, I couldn't find any other Americans. All of a sudden they all emerge from the woodwork only weeks before I'm leaving. This time it was a 32 year old Katie Holmes look-alike from Kentucky and her British pal. They were so much fun. They insisted on buying us a round of drinks and we sat together talking all night long.

We all staggered home at 5 A.M. laughing. Sunday was just a lot of packing, cleaning and the usual amount of worrying. Nothing worth mentioning.

It's pretty late. I better log off. Speaking of "Lost", A friend just lent us 15 episodes of Season 2. We might curl up on the sofa and watch an episode before we crash. (Michelle, Im catching up with you!)
 
posted by Clarity25 at 5:13 PM |


35 Comments:


At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Jeremy 

a touching post. good luck clarity, and welcome home to you and Eric...

At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

GREAT PHOTOS!! This entry really pulled me in. I'm an American living in Italy. Good luck with your move. I hope it all works out for both of you.

At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

clarity...glad you are finally catching up...now we can talk about the show on the phone....you know the thing you promised to call me on?....hint hint....call michelle...we love michelle and want to talk to her.......hmmmm...maybe that will get through your fear of the phone....talk to you soon.....call me!!!!!....love michelle....
by the way ...you read my blog yet?

At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Stephanie 

I'm really enjoying your diary (I discovered you through culotte.) Best of luck with the challenging transition that you are about to go through.
PS I'm going to buy a shirt from the online store--I like your artwork and photos very much!

At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Anna 

I enjoyed your photos in this entry. Good luck!
-Anna

At March 20, 2006, Anonymous Olaf 

Hi Clarity. Man I hate it when I tune in to the Clarity channel too late to see all of the pictures. Beautiful pics once again and the one of the sock really grabbed me for some reason. Do people tell you that you have some similar features to your Great Grandmother?

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Vicola 

Hi Clarity. Loved the photos, especially the one of your great grandmother. I've got some of my family from the 1900s and I'm fascinated by anything like that. Fingers crossed for the green card and PLEASE don't tell us anything about the second series of Lost because it doens't start in the UK until spring and you'll ruin 15 weeks worth of Wednesday evenings!!! Love Vicola

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Steph (Khya) 

Hey there! I loved these pics, loved the way you treated them, the contrast is just soooo good. I fell in love with the pic of you GGmother, very cool. I hope you get the call you are waiting for and that you'll both get to leave Germany together :-) Tell eric I love the tree/forest shot he took. I'm stealing it, as well as your grandmother (I love pics from the good old days), to add to my desktop, that's if you don't mind of course. I won't do anything with them except watch them float about on my screen ;-). The quality of your shots are getting better every time!

I've been trying to buy off your cafepress account for weeks, but I keep getting a wierd message. I hope I won't get 25 hoodies cause the order went through each time! If it's the case, i'll be coming over to eat some of your cheese ;-)

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Tenshi 

I hate Kraft cheese. :(

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous alice 

The secret to cheap cheese is finding a cheese shop. Kraft slices are not cheese they are oil with cheese product in it.
ew.
I cant believe you eat like that every morning, so nice.
I think there is a new Lost episode this week!!! So excited!

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Just another American Expat 

Those are some great photographs. Who’d you steal’em from? LOL….really…damn good work. Obviously something you have to have an eye for. I don’t.

At March 21, 2006, Blogger MelissaInAz 

How do you make eggs like that? Are they soft boiled? 3 minute eggs? Hard boiled? I remember my grandmother making them and you just tap the top with the knife, pull off the top half and then eat and dunk your toast in the yolk...

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Sarcomical 

i LOVE your photos. this is my first time here via blogmad. will be back on my own later! ;)

At March 21, 2006, Blogger johnie1 

the picture of your Great Grandmother is beautiful (the other pix to).

(:

At March 21, 2006, Blogger christina 

Hi from a Canadian in Germany. Just found your blog through 'An American in Düsseldorf'. Great photographs. I really hope the Green Card thing comes through for you guys soon. I've been here for 16 years and would LOVE to get out.

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Aaron 

Absolutely beautiful photography.

The lost sock just completely caught my eye.

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Ellie 

Clarity - you posted a comment on my blog. Thanks! (It seems as if folks are shy to leave comments!). Anyway, this is a complimentary tit for tat because you said you liked the photos on my site ... gosh, they are NOTHING compared to yours! Will be following your tale if you keep it up. Best wishes, Ellie (American in London).

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Janet 

This entry really touched me. Especially the line about seeing the thing you've lost and not being able to reach it, for different reasons that what you are going through, but still, universal in our longing, our pain, our isolation.

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Janet 

Oh, and I forgot -- I had no idea cheese was cheaper in Germany! I'm a cheese freak, love the stuff. Also, one more thing, your breakfasts remind me of Norway. My dad's brother lives there and their breakfast's are very similar, breads, cheeses, meats. Nostalgia and all.

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Google 

Fantastic pictures...r u a professional photographer..

At March 21, 2006, Blogger Lyndon 

What beautiful pictures, they have such life and vibrancy to them. Plus you had a great story to go along with them.

Thank you for the very nice comments that you left on my blog.

At March 21, 2006, Blogger indoloony 

your pictures are pretty cool. the antiquated features of some pictures are great. i really like the first picture with the socks. i can relate to that sometimes..

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Melanie 

Hey I just read your other entry. I'm praying that your father has a safe return to the states and I just wanted you to know that I deal with similar feelings when I view pictures of Kevin with his Ex-girlfriend. I think that's natural. I love the photos in this entry, I have to bookmark this site!

At March 21, 2006, Anonymous Janet 

In resopnse to your other entry... so many thoughts.. 1. connecting with another human being, even via thoughts in an online journal is always worthwhile. Especially if that human being is feeling a bit crashed of late. 2. There are no words to describe what it feels like to have a loved one at war/in a war zone. All my positive energy is flowing his way. It's hard to trust and have faith but in the end that's all we have. There's nothing else we get to control.

At March 22, 2006, Blogger quotidian 

Got in through BlogMad. Your B&W photos are really nice!

At March 22, 2006, Anonymous Kiosh 

Hello babe! I left you a note in the other place and I pray it was posted. Hah, you always inspire me and make me feel very carpe diem in life. I ask the goddess to let me be as talented and wise as you are when I'm **... Just wanted to let you know I'm sending lots of support and positive vibes to both of you. I may be silent for years lately but I love you very much and regard you as very special friends. Take care and be well, dear! =0)

At March 22, 2006, Anonymous Boy who likes to put banana stickers on his forehead 

Oh, and while I am here, could you please tell me if you prefer CDs or MP3s? Thanks! =0)

At March 22, 2006, Anonymous Vicola 

Morning Clarity. I'm leaving you a comment here for your other diary coz the comments are off! M and I had the discussion long ago about whether we were going to stray into "Let's describe our past experiences" territory and we decided it might be best if we didn't. No matter how much you trust the other person I think it could only hurt or irritate me. And it would certianly wind him up. I've got my fingers crossed for your dad, I'm sure he's going to be fine. I'm not terribly religious but I'm going to the church we're getting married in on Sunday morning so I'll say a little prayer for him and I'll ask the ministr to say one too. And you're life isn't a car crash, you're just tired and stressed! Things will work themselves out soon, love Vicola x

At March 22, 2006, Blogger Lisa 

Hi Clarity! Thanks for visiting my blog and your comment. I decided to roll over and check yours out and man, am I glad I did. This is fantastic! Do you mind if I add you to my sidebar? I'm looking forward to reading further and I think you've got a new fan. :) 'til later!

At March 22, 2006, Blogger Azhar 

Beautiful pictures.A very good black and white collection.
(I came from BlogMad)

At March 22, 2006, Anonymous grace 

I love your blog!

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