Everything is a mess.

Our formerly clean studio/Spare bedroom is now in shambles. It was emptied and now it is slowly being filled with boxes and trash. There is dust twisting in the air and nothing looks like it used to anymore.



We've been packing up everything and taking apart our furniture. Shelves that used to be filled to the brim with books and trinkets are now empty and desolate.

The strangest things make my eyes fill with tears. Such as having to put my 9 year old TV/VHS player on the curb.



Back in 1997, My father bought this for me. I carried it with me everywhere. I must have seen "Reality Bites" and "Breakfast at Tiffany's" a million times on that little thing. Looking at that television brings back so many memories of a time long gone and now VCR tapes are basically obsolete.

I'm also throwing out a lot of my clothing and fitting everything into 2 suitcases. Every shirt has a memory and a story. Sometimes it was actually painful to put a certain article of clothing in the Donation bag. I thought "I wore that shirt the first time I met Eric" "I remember buying this shirt when I was 17 years old at a flea market" "these used to be my favorite pair of jeans..." There are things I rarely wear, but didn't want to throw away for reasons of nostalgia. But it all ended up in the bag. I zipped the suitcases and twisted the donation bag shut.

Then It was tossed in the studio with the rest of the junk. I can't look back.

I actually began to cry at one point. I don't know why this move is so hard for me. I've only had 2 big moves in my lifetime. Moving from home to Florida for college, and then moving from Florida to Germany.

Does it get any easier? Is it always going to be like this every time? why is so damn hard to let go?

How many times have you moved in your lifetime? Was it this painful for you?

I have to log off, We have a birthday party to attend, and then it will be back to packing for the rest of the night.

On Monday this entire flat has to be empty.

The topic for this weeks Thursday challenge is "Tools".




For as long as I've known Eric, He has been using this tool. The first time I saw it, I just stared at it in confusion. It's huge, extremely heavy and covered in rust. He pulled it out of the tool box, stuck a drill bit into the front and began cranking the handle.

"Where...on earth..did you get that? What IS it?"

"It's a drill, It used to belong to my great grandfather" Eric lugged it over to the dresser he was creating and began drilling holes with it. It seemed to take a lot of effort and muscle power to achieve the same results as a modern power drill. "He gave it to me when I was a young boy, Everything I've built since then has been with this. I take it with me everywhere and it's the only thing I have left to remind me of my great grandfather. It has really held up over the years. It's sturdy and reliable. Naturally, since it's German-made."

It always fascinated me, so it seemed like the perfect subject for this topic. After that photo was taken, Eric placed it in a moving box with the rest of them and duct taped it shut. It's coming with us to America, He wants to hand it down to our child as a keepsake.


*****

Between work and the move, I've been a bundle of stress.

Last night we decided to go out and unwind for a few hours. It was Wednesday night which is Karaoke night at the Irish Pub. We thought we would go in there one last time...



It was 2 for 1 drinks. So we ordered a blow job, Becks and some Galoise for old time sake. It was a gift from Yelayna. (she'll know what I mean -- and see? we did exactly what you had asked!)

It was such a fun night, but the realization that it was the last time we'd be doing this... made me incredibly wistful. It had become a wednesday night ritual and hang-out with our friends. I can still remember the first time I came to the Irish pub a year and a half ago. It was such a new experience for me that I had written an entire diary entry about it.

There's a man that comes in every Wednesday night and sings "Can you feel the love tonight". Every time he gets on stage, his face lights up and he looks so happy. In the beginning his singing was pretty bad, but he has improved after a year of experience. Everyone knows him now and cheers him on. I think it might be the highlight of his entire week, you can tell he loves it so much. Everyone in the audience began singing along with him.

I looked around the room and my eyes filled with tears.

I'm going to miss this.

Okay, I don't want to start feeling sad again. It's time to move on.

*****

There have been a lot of storms lately and the skies have been threatening. I hope I can see some sun soon, It's begin to cause my mood to drop. Constant rain beating on the windows and rumbles of thunder. I watched the water droplets slide down the glass this morning while I had my morning cup of coffee and was filled with a melancholy that was hard to shake. .

I took some photos yesterday on our way to work





Walking through the pathways in the woods was a little darker than usual. I looked up and all the thin naked branches were moving slowly in the slight breeze. The branches look like veins or twisted fingers reaching out...





For some reason I held Eric's hand tighter than usual. I felt scared. Not of the trees, but a deeper fear of the future.

****

Today we were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast, Eric said "You realize at this point since we haven't been called in for the final interview yet, we can give up hope for the Green Card arriving on April 3rd"

"I know"

"We knew this could take up to 3 months, and it's only been 2"

"I know...I just had so much hope...nothing is working out like we had planned"

"It's going to be okay"

I know this. Really I do. I just wanted to be home for my brother's birthday, I just wanted to see my father before he left for Iraq again.

I feel like we're STUCK. The parking meter has expired. We don't have any more coins to add to buy more time and we can't get the car started. We're just sitting together in the front seat, waiting...



So on April 3rd we're moving out and into a new location in Germany. We can't return to the U.S. just yet.

"Just think of it as another adventure" Eric said taking my hand. "At least we haven't been separated yet"

Yet.

We both know he wont be on that plane with me to America. He's going to have to join me later and the way things are going...we don't know when that will be.

I hate this.

*****

Okay, before I log off. Here's some more 3 Bubbles tech news. Drew from the 3bubbles team sent me an E-mail with some answers to commonly asked questions.

Yes, When this service is launched to the general public it will be FREE.

Yes, You will be able to resize it, change the format and add the chat bubble to the side bar of your template

The problems people have been having. (i.e. Not being able to enter the room, being blocked or only seeing an empty box all the time) is due to an Ad blocker in your firewall system. He said it would help if people told them the specs of their ad blocker and their browser when they report bugs so that they can fix the problem. They are working on it. Also as time goes on all the bugs will be ironed out. (such as the chatter and spectators numbers being messed up.)

He is receiving a large number of requests to be a beta-tester right now. But if you'd like this nifty toy on your page. He said to write him an E-mail with your Blog URL and info at info@3bubbles.com
He requested that you mention I sent you, so he knows to move you to the top of his list.

That's all the updates for now. This has been a fun week beta-testing 3Bubbles, I've gotten to know so many of the people reading this and sometimes I laughed so hard during chat conversation I had tears in my eyes! Eric had never been in a chat room before and now he's "lol" ing and using smiley face symbols like a "pro". Good times. Thank you everyone for joining in and trying it out. It's amazing how in only one week, so many different bloggers from all over the world connected with eachother. We live in a fascinating time, with technology allowing us to interact with people from all over the globe.


I'll have this up for a few more days, then I'll probably change it into a badge link on my side bar. Time to head to work.

My time here in Germany is coming to an end. I've been reflecting this morning on some of the things I've learned about this country during the past 3 and a half years.

I thought I'd take a minute to type up some of these observations before I forget them.




1. Once you know something, you see it with different eyes. At first everything was so strange and alien to me. Now it's simply Germany, nothing special. I've gotten so used to this way of life. I think America will feel strange to me now when I return home. I discovered that Germany was NOT like the black and white footage I saw from the 1940's in history class. Everything falling apart, women walking around with puffy sleeves, men with Lederhosen and Nazi's running through the streets.

2. It's quite safe. People walk around a lot and ride their bicycles over the bike paths.

3. The windows swing open like little glass doors and there are no window screens.

4. Germans smoke... a great deal. Ashtrays are located in all the public bathrooms, in the video-stores, the cafes and in some stores. If you ask to be seated in the "Non-smoking area", they'll just laugh at you. If you're not a social smoker, you're liable to become one in Germany.

5. You can't shop on Sunday and good luck finding a party on a Monday night.

6. Bars only close when the customers leave. There isn't any 2 A.M. "last call for alcohol" rules. You can easily party until 6 A.M., and then move on to the breakfast buffet. People are allowed to drink on the street and in their cars. (just not the driver, naturally). The drinking age is 16 but I've seen 13 year olds ordering a beer with their parents.

7. Germans eat A LOT of breadrolls and cheese.

8. Thomas Gottschalk (wetten Dass) is the most beloved and hated showmaster. (he also has a foot fetish)

9. If you turn on a random German television station, you're likely to find a group sitting in a circle discussing something. Eric finds this fascinating. I just can't watch 6 old men arguing about politics for 3 hours straight without falling asleep. They just go around in circles.

10. Germans complain a lot about the state of affairs. They're very educated about politics and history. (Particularly regarding America). When you say "How are you?" to a German, It isn't going to equal "I'm fine, and you?". When you say "What's up?", you'll never receive the response "Oh nothin". You get a long spiel about everything that is occuring in their life, health problems, relationships and full mental state. So don't ask, if you don't really want to know. They aren't familiar with the American way of saying "how you doin?" as simply a standard polite greeting. This is an aspect of the culture I like, I've had the most interesting and thought-provoking conversations with my German friends.

14. There are a lot of different nationalities living in Germany, but you wouldn't think there is so much diversity..at first glance.

15. Not all Germans have blond hair and blue eyes. In fact, many don't.

16. Almost every German (under the age of 40) LOVES to speak English, but at first they will claim that they can not. The line I've heard most often ="My English is not so good" -- a massive lie in every case. All of Eric's friends speak to me in perfect English. My boss sometimes comes downstairs just to talk with me in English because it's so much fun for him. As an American, you will become a novelty item because most Germans have the English language skills, but no one to use it with.

17. You have to bring all your bottles back to the store. EVERYTHING is recycled.

18. Bavaria (a.k.a. "It's a small world after all") isn't Germany. - so they claim (?) Might as well be it's own separate country. Interesting.

19. Carefully cut off the top of a boiled egg with a sharp knife, then scoop they contents out of the shells with a tiny little spoon. They have special little fancy egg holders and even decorative Egg mittens so they don't get cold. Eating an egg is an event.

20. Good friends (same sex or not) hug and kiss - often times on the lips when greeting eachother. The first time Eric's Aunt did this to me, I was very confused and it was an awkward moment.

21. Germany DOES have a beach...but the water isn't always there! The tide can go out for miles and than comes back in so quickly you can drown.

22. Germans don't bathe in the ocean but mostly in the lakes and rivers. Preferably in the nude.

23. German cities are very green compared to America. You can find a boar wandering in the middle of a city. (locke could go hunting)

24. In Germany you can get millions of different kinds of beers, cheeses, cakes and breadrolls.

25. Germans like to break out singing loudly in masses. (especially after a few beers). They know quite a few American country songs. For example: Play "Sweet Home Alabama" and watch them get down! The old folks like to listen to something terrible, I have no words to describe it but it is called "Schlagger music".

26. German squirrels are creepy.

27. Dogs are EVERYWHERE. You'll trip over them while you're shopping in the stores. They train their dogs to an extraordinary degree. I've begun to suspect that they are robotic dogs and not real.

28. Every apartment has a "HausOrdnung" - It tells you when the garbage has to be taken out, when the stairways need to be mopped, How long and how loud your parties may be, When the front door has to be locked, Who has the shovel the curb in front of the building, when you have to clean the apartment basement (creepy..creepy place) and when music is allowed to be played. If you get confused and slip up on these rules..Your neighbors will hate you. FOREVER.

29. Church bells are ringing all the time - every fifteen minutes

30. All the taxi-cabs are Mercedes Benz.

31. German cars look like go-carts. The Smart Car is so tiny that they actually have mobile homes with a built-in garage for it.

32. Germany doesn't have doorknobs! If you see one, trust me -- It doesn't turn. If you insist on trying, you will only succeed in spraining your wrist. Every door has a lock. Every room has a door (even the livingroom) . If you see a door without a lock, it's probably a closet.

33. Winter stretches on forever. You might not see the sun for months. It's hidden behind a blanket of clouds.

34. For an American woman,, a trip to the German OBGyn might be traumatizing. I'm not going elaborate -- but you've been warned.

35. Every town has it's castle.

36. If someone offers you Bauchspeck, Mett, Schweine Pfoten, Kuddeln, Sau Magen or Eisbein I highly recommend you politely decline.

Bauchspeck = The layer of fat from a pig's stomach

Mett = Raw minced meat, half pork. Half beef. It's usually scooped out of a container and spread on a bread roll.

Schweine Pfoten = Pigs feet

Kuddeln = cow stomach

Saumagen = Pigs stomach

Eisbein = A complete pig leg including the hairs - which get eaten as well and stuck in-between your teeth.

37. The first time I went to a German fair and saw that in the center they had an entire cow twisting on a stick, I felt queasy. When they started cutting off chunks of it's body and began feeding it to crowd, I nearly passed out.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, the weather today was irratic. It was sunny and than dark clouds moved over the horizon. There was a loud thunder storm and harsh rain. Than 20 minutes later it cleared up. I took a walk into town to get lunch during break and snapped a few photos.





****

By the way..

It was fun waking up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, logging online and seeing a group of friends just hanging out in the chatbox and shooting the breeze last night. It's nice to be able to join in for a few minutes before heading back to bed. Lately I've been so worried about this move, that I wake up a few hours before the alarm goes off and usually flip through the channels for 10 minutes until I feel tired enough to crawl back into bed. Now I can log on and chat, which is pretty cool. It's much better than letting my stresses run on repeat in my head. Thank you to everyone that's been dropping in to say "Hi", it's been great meeting you.


*3 Bubbles has been Temporarily removed - Be back up soon*


*******

Sad news of the day: I called Dr. Frankenstein and the only available appointment for dental work was April 21st.

But I'll be back in America by then..

A pity. Really.... I was so looking forward to it.

oh well

Das ist schicksal....

Alright, I have to log off. late afternoon Break is over and I have a meeting to go to. Lately putting aside 15 minutes to write an entry is the most relaxing part of my day. Too much stress.