That's a photograph of Eric (in the middle of snapping the photograph of those tadpoles he posted in the previous entry) at the swamp close to his childhood home last weekend.
It's Clarity again. It's been a while since I've updated here. The truth is I haven't had much of a motivation or desire to post photos of my daily life. I've been feeling pretty low. We've kind of hit a financial rock bottom and for the first time I felt real fear. It's been a rough week.
As you probably figured out from Eric's guest entry we FINALLY received our interview invitation for the Green Card.
Unfortunately it was later than promised. I had a ticket already booked to return to America tomorrow and the interview is scheduled for next week. The ticket is non-refundable and I've spent most of this week pleading with the airline company with little success. I've been beating myself up about this, calling everyone and trying to fix this situation. We can't afford to lose this ticket. I have to get on that plane but if I take this flight I leave Eric in a precarious situation.
I have to find an English notary this afternoon for some new documents I need to sign in front of a witness for the consulate. We're having a hard time. I'm filled with fear that something will go wrong next week, that I should accompany him as we had planned. What if something goes wrong and I'm forced to fly back into Germany?
When circumstances arise that go against your orginal plan, you have two choices. Go with the new circumstances or swim against the current. Swimming against the current takes a courage and financial means that I don't have. We've struggled enough, maybe it's time to just let go. I have no other option.
*****
This afternoon we were sitting together on the city hall steps in town trying to figure out what to do.
"Should I stay or should I go?"
"How does that Clash song go?", Eric asked
"Should I stay or should I go...
If I go there will be trouble
If I stay there will be double."
I guess that answered my question. My bags are packed.
Tomorrow I'll change my photoblog profile from Germany to New York. My days in Europe have come to an end. If I get sentimental about this, I'll only start to cry again. I've said all my goodbyes.
Sometimes you have to just give up. But before I do, I'm going to call the airline company one last time to see if I can change the ticket date. Then I'll surrender entirely to the circumstances and pray.
I hate leaving Eric like this right now and having him attend that interview alone next week. We've waited 5 months for this, if something goes wrong... we would have to start it all over again. I have a bad feeling about this.
