Monday, May 08, 2006
My Apologies
Dear fantastic question engineers,

Hey it's Eric again. I am so sorry that you guys already had to wait so patiently for me to answer your intriguing questions. I really must say I didn't expect such a great turn out and that makes me feel real guilty for not having gotten around to provide your well-deserved response.

But our life is really hanging by a thread right now. Of course it's always to be expected that every once and a while one hits a rough spot. "In every life expect some trouble...if you worry...you make it double..." (drums on stomach and whistles tune. Tune dies out into a long exhausted sigh)

But damn! When you hit that rough spot! It doesn't matter how much you prepare. You can tell yourself that you're not materially attached every day of the week and sure you believe it. You can play the Buddha on the mountain top when everything is just fine and dandy but when someone pulls away the carpet under your feet it just knocks the wind out of you! (I think it's just supposed to)

So you're wondering what happened?

Where shall I begin? I was still standing on my feet when this Embassy thing kept dragging on...and on...and on... We calmly moved out of our flat on two weeks notice, throwing away 90% of all we ever owned. We moved into our bosses.."bomb shelter". Without a word of complaint, we then gave up that little underground dwelling to move to a place where foxes and hares tell eachother goodnight. I became a five year old again under the watchful eyes of my dear guardian mother who hasn't noticed that I aged a bit...

We dealt with the idea that we couldn't leave this country together and the fact that our money was is so tight that we have to turn every penny around twice and it seems like this city is already closed down for us. But when every source of income is removed and we discover that our interview is scheduled a week after the date of Clarity's nonrefundable ticket to New York. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Its just when there is nowhere to move and control is taken out of your hands, the panic sets in. The last inkling of illusion that there is still something one can do is removed, and the last step to letting go, to give up, to just give yourself into the flow of the river that you fell into is just ever so scary. I still feel that this moving season is a precarious time and that I have to make sure everything goes like clockwork. I just haven't quite understood yet that everything does take care of itself and there never was any control.

Deep inside, I know however that the worst of times are the best of times. After all: anything else I had, anything else that I've been trying to control was nothing but a distraction from what is really important. It's like a heavy curtain is opening up in front of me and on a stage with all props removed is the one thing, the one person who is important to me, waiting for me. And the play that is on is the next act of my life. And it hasn't been written yet. Not even in sketches.

And when I look at that image I realize that nothing is more exciting then an empty stage with my wife...waiting for me to play.

So I hope you forgive me for not answering right away, I'm still busy picking up my shell-shocked pieces while Clarity is dangling on the other side of the bridge's railing only held by my tight grip.

Since this IS a photoblog, Here's some photos I took far away from where the action is.








No comment.
 
posted by Clarity25 at 6:34 PM |


16 Comments:


At May 08, 2006, Anonymous niki 

Eric...this part of your life IS an empty stage and you have your biggest fan there waiting for you to put on a show. Thats the most important and valuable thing you have. Nothing else matters. And when you get to the other side of this rough patch together...you will soo much closer and more in love with each other. Not taking for granted your life together. What a blessing...

At May 08, 2006, Anonymous Meine-Kleine 

ugh... you guys are TRYING to break my heart. for some reason i saw this picture (http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5450/1887/400/viewofcastle.jpg) and it made my heart ache. it looks just like the area where i grew up... i miss germany so much. i really have to go back there eventually, or at least someplace in europe similar. america just doesn't have that...

At May 08, 2006, Blogger Crystal 

Ahh ha ha! That last picture had me laughing! I'm not sure if it's different there in Germany... But in the US... Crack kills! lol

At May 08, 2006, Anonymous TickTrix 

Diaryland called me a spammer and wouldn't let me post this:

Please, I beg you, put up a paypal link and let us help you. Seriously. At work they have currently having a food drive and I would much rather give my financial donation to you and Eric than the food drive. Please consider it.

At May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous 

eric...
i feel you man....chin up soldier...as eminem my future ex-husband would say....everything works out for the best...you have clarity and she has you ...god is up there and even though we may not understand his reasons for doing what he does he is always right ..our father never makes anything happen unless it is for a good reason ..you know..it does not always feel right ..i know this from experience but it is!!you guys can make anything work..your love is that strong!!! i believe in it and so should you guys!!! i am sorry things look bleak right now but if not for the bad times how would we know the good?..you are both in my prayers ...i love you both and be strong for eachother..
love,
michelle

At May 09, 2006, Blogger Kathleen 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who diaryland has deemed a spammer!

And you know I would send you money in a heartbeat, if you would only accept it. And you could pay me back with a real live Clarity and/or Eric painting whenever you had time to get around to it - be it next month, Christmas or next year!

At May 09, 2006, Anonymous alice 

Im with Ticktrix.
Just do it! Do it! Sometimes you have to rely on the kindness of strangers.
Keep your chins up and know that were rooting for both of you!
A year from now hopefully you will be able to look back at this time and laugh about it.
Hopefully the airline will let her have a credit for the flight.

At May 09, 2006, Blogger Mike B 

What annoys me about your situation is that you are going about it the "right way" and getting punished ... the annual quota for highly skilled migrants to the US is only something like 65,000 per year and it is stringently enforced. Meanwhile, a couple million non-skilled migrants walk in every year.

Sorry they are jerking you around.

At May 10, 2006, Blogger Lisa 

I have great faith in you guys. You're going to make it, whatever challenges arise, you're going to live through them and overcome. I've been on that edge. It tests you and you find out who you really are, but it doesn't break you.

Bravo. Well said.

That last pic was worth the wait. ;)

At May 10, 2006, Anonymous Jenn 

Got to love the butt crack. ♥

At May 11, 2006, Blogger The Queen 

Aw Clarity, thank you so much for your heartful and sincere note regarding my mom's emphysema. It really meant a lot to me, especially from you, because I know that you are going through a really rough time emotionally as well. Hopefully, something good can come of it that we lean on each other for support! I am so glad you stopped smoking, and I understand it will be hard for Eric (if he ever quits). I quit a year and 6 months ago and I am so glad that I did it. I did it for the wrong reasons and not so much for myself, but now that I am here and smoke-free, I am so happy. And whenever I think about cheating and having one, I think about my mom. It's terrible that something horrible has to happen to give people wake-up calls, but I am grateful that her condition is minimal now and that she is taking active steps to not further the damage. Anyway, thank you so much for being there. Your words really comforted me. xoxo - me

At May 12, 2006, Blogger Becks 

Hey, Clarity & Eric! First, here's the site for the Jones Beach concert calendar http://www.tommyhilfigerjonesbeach.com/schedule.html - now you can see if there are still tickets! Hope to see you there! ;) Second, thanks for your comment about my phlog! I'm glad you liked the pics. And of course you can put a link on your page. In fact, I'd love it if you did. Then I might not have to do so much shameless self-promotion. Ha! I hope things are going better for you two! Love ya!

At February 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous 

You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it »

At February 23, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous 

Very nice site! » »



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