carpe diem

We reached San Franciscoo!

2007-09-17T16:13:00.000-04:00

We made it!!!!

We actually made it!!!

We are in San Francisco!!

I'm sitting here in my new home, with the view of the Golden Gate Bridge outside the open livingroom window. I can hear the cable cars clanging outside and the soft breeze on my face. Our luggage is piled up against the wall.

Our new home.....

It still hasn't fully sunk in yet. I have to keep pinching myself.

We drove 3,083 miles all the way across the country from New York to San Francisco. We passed through 13 states in 7 days.

All of this with "Marty" our little 10 year old Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles on it, no working air conditioner and no tape deck/cd player.

Right now he could really use a car wash, he's covered in dust, dirt and bugs. He's dented and wheezing, but he's still alive.

A lot of people said we wouldn't make it or that we were crazy...They shook their heads at the idea and told us that it was a major risk. But we did it anyway.

I'm so glad we did.

It was the greatest journey we made in our entire life. An experience I will never forget. It's something I had always dreamed of doing but never imagined I'd have the opportunity.

****

We hit the California border at 3 P.M. yesterday afternoon

The landscape became greener and more lush. The sky was big, blue and open wide for us. We cruised around the mountain landscape, past the endless pine trees...

It was gorgeous and we were so insanely happy.

Even the fact that our brakes were making funny noises (kind of like a little raptor stuck inside our car screaming at moments during the final 190 miles) didn't take away from our blissful state

Windows open, KFOG, the San Francisco radio station blasting... It was heaven while we drove over the Bay Bridge into S.F.

We meandered over the steep city hills and the victorian homes towards our final destination

Our friend greeted us at his front door with a warm tight hug and said "Welcome home"

So now here we are. Only $300 dollars in our account and a handful of luggage.

Time to start over.

It's the first day of the rest of our lives. A new chapter begins

WE MADE IT!

Reno, Nevada

2007-09-16T16:10:00.000-04:00

We are now in Reno, Nevada!

Last night we drove around in search of an affordable motel in town with vacancy. A lot harder than it sounds especially since it was a Saturday night. We found a little motel called "Desert Rose Inn" with one room available. We dragged our luggage up the stairs and collapsed on the bed in relief.

After taking a shower, we went into the city area and checked out the different clubs, casinos and hotels. We put 40$ into the slot machines and walked away with 75$. Not a major winning but I skipped all the way back down the road afterwards. "we won! we won!"

I'm not much of a gambler. I put a dollar in the slots and then cash out any winnings. I pour it it into a cup and Then put in another dollar. I never put my winnings back into the machine.
Boring, I know...

But we used our winnings to eat dinner at Mel's Diner. A 1950's style diner in the center of the city. So a little gambling spree led to a free dinner in Reno.

****

Yesterday we left Elko at 12:30 after having breakfast in an Italian Cafe.

The drive to Reno was beautiful.

we pulled over to the side of the road whenever we saw an interesting exit.

We wandered down railroad tracks, walked through the desert and explored different areas.

The weather was incredibly hot and we don't have air conditioning. We had to keep the windows down and just wipe the sweat off our foreheads. There were barely any radio stations available and our cellphone service kept cutting out.

It really felt like being in the middle of nowhere!

We saw a few abandoned cars on the side of the road, I wondered what had happened to those people. Perhaps they broke down 60 miles from the next gas station and just hitch-hiked to the next place. Never bothering to return for their vehicle...

I was praying that this wouldn't happen to us.

It didn't

I also didn't like the mini-tornadoes dotting the landscape on all sides. they swirled and danced along the desert.

We made it to Reno as the sun was setting over the mountains.

***
Now it's the last day on the road.

We are about to embark on our final stretch of road.

THE ROAD TO SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA

We're so close now... so close....

Road trip - Final Day - Reno

2007-09-16T12:43:00.000-04:00

We made it.

We're in Reno.

Today we're going to drive our final stretch into California and reach San Francisco!

I can't believe it

First though, we need to find a mechanic in Nevada that is open on Sunday to replace our BRAKE PADS.

Once we accomplish that, we can continue on our way.

Or we'll be stuck here for a while.

We're checking out of our motel and in search of a mechanic.

Wish us luck.

We're SO close!!!!

Road trip - Day 5

2007-09-15T13:35:00.000-04:00

Right now we're in a motel in Elko, Nevada. When I look out the window I see nothing but rocks, dust and mountains rising in the distance. The motel is located on a small cliff on the edge of town. It gives the illusion of being in the desert in the middle of nowhere.

This is the final stretch on our road trip to San Francisco

We were supposed to be in Reno by now, but we're running behind schedule. We encountered some car troubles yesterday. (big surprise?)

But let me back track and recap our last 24 hours on the road, picking up where I left off in my previous journal entry

******
Yesterday We haphazardly threw our luggage back into the car at 10:45 A.M. and checked out of the Prairie Inn in Evanston, Wyoming. The view around the motel is beautiful. I didn't want to leave.

We ate at breakfast/lunch at a chinese buffet in town. I was just thrilled to discover a chinese restaurant at all in Wyoming. I anticipated Shrimp, crab legs, Sushi, stuffed mushrooms... But all we got was a little set up with a couple of pathetic looking piles of chinese looking rice dishes to choose from. There wasn't even a salad. Desert consisted of slippery and cloudy yellow jellow cubes.

Yuck. But it was cheap and filled us up so I can't complain.

Then we checked out downtown Evanston. It was charming and beautiful. Older buildings lined the mainstreet and mountains surrounded us on all sides.

We looked at the watch and realized we had to hit the road in order to make it to Reno by 9 P.M.

Unfortunately, it was that moment where "Marty" our little corolla started acting up. He began grumbling and bucking back and forth. At every stop light he started bumping up and down.

Crap.

So we pulled into a car supply shop and asked for advice. The guy said it was probably dirty spark plugs and the car might be in need of a new oil filter... or something a long those lines. I can't say I understand much about cars, but luckily Eric DOES. He nodded in agreement. So we purchased new spark plugs and a new oil filter.

Eric stuck his head under the engine and started puttering around. I stood there in the hot sun pacing back and forth.

One hour later (after some internal wire tore apart and needed to be replaced - a very expensive wire apparently.. and then some tool fell into the car and we needed to buy some magnetic stick to pull it out of the engine area again...) the spark plugs were replaced but not the oil filter and the car was still stop and go..bumpy and choking.

We drove around and eventually found a Jiffy lube. We showed him the new oil filter we had just purchased (expensive) and asked him if he could replace the old one with this new one that's made for our car.

"Sorry, We can't use the one you purchased. You have to buy one of OUR oil filters and we'll install it", the Jiffy lube guy explained

"Okay, fine whatever... just do it"

He typed some stuff in the computer and shook his head "Sorry we don't have that part for your car at this time in our storage room"

Eric held up the oil filter "We have it here. Can you put it in? This is the part you need, right?"
"Yep that's the part", The Jiffy lube guy said "But...No. Sorry"

"How about I SELL this oil filter TO YOU and we will BUY IT BACK from you?", Eric suggested

"No. Not possible"

"What if I place this oil filter in your storage room and you pretend to find it, you install it and we'll pay for it again?"

"Nope"

JIFFY LUBE SUCKS. WE WILL NEVER GO THERE AGAIN.

So we had no choice but to hit the road with our car and prayed that it would make it to the next rest stop.

The View was breathtakingly beautiful during this drive. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the passing scenery or stop taking pictures. I'd never seen anything like this before. It felt like a dream!

We reached Utah and the view became more amazing and stunning. This was the best part of our drive so far... It made this whole road trip worth it. Just to see what we saw.. The mountains, the rivers, the cliffs, the rocks...

We stopped in Salt lake City, Utah and began searching for a mechanic. We found one and he was willing to put in the part we had bought.

"It's gonna take an hour or two though..", he informed us rubbing the grease off his hand with a dirty rag.

So we wandered around Salt Lake City aimlessly while Marty was being fixed. We ended up in an Arby's. (Believe it or not, my first time in an Arby's EVER)

The lady behind the counter was sweet. "You're a photographer", she said pointing to my camera "That's how you say it right.. Photo-gra-pher?"

I smiled "Yes, but It's just a hobby. we're traveling cross country to San francisco and I'm taking pictures"

We got in a long conversation with her and before we knew it, everyone in Arby's was asking us about our trip and involved in the discussion. It helped pass the time and everyone was so nice!

We returned after an hour and Marty was still being fixed. We sat in front of the mechanics shop on a bench feeling like potential parents in a hospital waiting room. the heat beat down on us and we wiped the sweat off our brows. This wait seemed to stretch on for eternity.

An hour later, Marty was back on the road. We paid the bill... (so far, all the car repair costs equaled about 250 dollars... a minor unexpected financial setback, still a little discouraging)
But the view more than made up for the wait. The rest of the stretch was gorgeous.

We stopped to take pictures in different rest areas...

Marty is driving great again, but we took it slow just in case. It's more important that we arrive there ALIVE then fast...

As we were driving through the final stretch of Utah, we hit the Salt desert. Endless stretches of Salty white desert for as far as the eyes could see.

We stopped and walked through it. Our feet sunk into the ground, the salt was damp... hard and clumpy in some parts.

It was gorgeous and surreal. I've never seen anything like this.

we held hands and took it all in. This is a once and a lifetime experience... this entire road trip. It all feels like a dream. Sometimes I truly can't believe this is all happening and I don't want it to end. I could live like this forever...

when we drove in Nevada, the landscape became more sandy and arid.

We stepped into our first casino, right at the border.

We put a dollar in the slot machine and lost it.

Maybe we'll have better luck in Reno?

Another long stretch of endless road until we reached Elko.

We were relieved when we pulled into the motel parking lot. The only room available had two beds and filled with mirrors...

Not the prettiest place.

But no complaints. It's cheap! We stopped at a bar and grill that had some of the most amazing food. The best food of the entire trip...

Now we have to pack up the car and start our drive towards RENO. There will be a lot of mountains and desert a long the way. I'm a little nervous about driving through BATTLE MOUNTAIN. But I'm sure we'll be fine. As long as we take it easy and keep the gas tank filled.
I'll update again once we reach Reno and find some lodgings for the night. (Fingers crossed)

Until then....

Road Trip - Day 4

2007-09-14T12:30:00.000-04:00

It's 8:30 A.M. mountain time and I'm sitting in a place called "Prairie Inn" in Evanston, Wyoming. I can see a mountain from our motel window. it's so close that I can't really view the top unless I stretch my head out and peer up. This town is nestled in the mountains.

There are buffalo and cow heads mounted in the lobby area and deep red carpet. It's a strange place, but charming in a way. The air is fresh and kind of dry.

Today we're going to check out the town of Evanston a bit, grab some breakfast and hit the road again. Our next stop is Nevada.

****
Yesterday morning we explored the little town of COZAD, Nebraska. (This town is even smaller than Newton Falls, Ohio). The population is 4,163 and it's located on the 100th meridian. It used to be a stop along the pony express.

First we wandered around the corn fields a bit

Then we drove into town to find a place to eat breakfast. The town was small, desolate in areas. A lot of store fronts had closed years earlier but a few remained. We walked into Kelly's Hardware store in search of a new watch. The older man behind the counter greeted us from the back when we entered.

"I'll be right there!!" He called to us.

The store smelled like Gasoline and the supplies were haphazardly lined up on the shelves. He had a display with watches that was a little dusty.

when he emerged from the back room, I explained that I took my watch in the shower and it stopped working. I needed a waterproof watch.

"Well, these days they are called Water resistant...", He chuckled "now lets see now..." He took a watch out of the display and started opening the package.. "Yes, this one is water resistant up to 90 feet. Now you can't go deeper than 90 feet in your bathtub, you hear?" he chuckled again.

I liked the laid back demeanor of everyone in town. They were friendly, talked slowly and had a good sense of humor. The pace was relaxed and not many people walked through the town. It seems like everyone knows eachother's name.

We asked him where we could find breakfast.

"Well, the only place in town is called "The Green Apple Cafe", he explained "It's right around the bend"

Green Apple Cafe served breakfast, lunch, dinner and pastries. Their soup of the day was "Cheeseburger soup".

Although, I think I would go crazy in a town this small and this empty... but it's nice to visit. It's a taste of a different way of life.

After breakfast, we hit the road again.. and began our drive through Nebraska.

The landscape began to change after a while. The rolling hills of Corn began to dry up and slowly disappear. More and more rocks appeared. Mountains began to form in the horizon...

At one point we were driving right on the edge of the border of Colorado and we could see the tall mountians in the horizon.

After a long drive we reached Wyoming. We stopped in an empty visitors area for the restroom. Mountains were on all side. A lone car or two was parked up front and a very friendly older woman was behind the service desk.

We told her we had a reservation booked for a little inn in Evanston, but we had to be there by 10 P.M or we'll lose our room...

She showed us a map and explained that Evanston was right on the border to Utah.

"It's a long long drive, so you both have to hurry up if you want to reach there in time. But you should be okay", she explained "Good luck!"

So we grabbed the travel brochures of Wyoming she had given us and we rushed to the car.
Eric began patting his pockets frantically as he stood in front of the car door. "oh &*%^%$^&!!", He cried out. Then he peered in the car window "oh no..oh no..."

I looked in the car to see what he was viewing.

The Keys were in the ignition and the door was locked.

CRAP.

"Tell me this isn't happening...", I whispered.

So we returned to the front desk and explained the situation to the older woman that ran the visitor center. "Oh dear...", she said shaking her head "That's not good at all. The closest locksmith is many miles miles away. it will take hours before he can arrive"

Eric ran out in search of a wire hanger to squeeze in the car door and unlock it. we bumped into a couple with a mini van that was entering to use the restroom. "Do you have a clothes hanger??", Eric asked in desperation.

"Well, now that's an odd question", the man said with a chuckle. "But you know, it just so happens that I do have one. Come with me"

He had a rack of clothing in the back of his car and they were all strung up on hangers. It's an odd way to pack your clothing, but brilliant at the same time. He pulled a shirt off and handed the hanger to Eric "Out of curiosity, why do you need a clothes hanger so badly?"

We explained the situation "Our keys are locked in the car"

"well now, that's not good. Let me see what kind of car you have"

He couldn't help, Eric couldn't get the lock to push up... he tried unrolling the window.. but the feeble wire couldn't grasp the handle to lower the window. It just kept bending and hitting the windshield.

A man with a broom cleaning the front area heard about our situation and said "You know, the local sheriff, Mike, might be able to help you get that car open. I'm not sure where he is but I'll go into town and search for him"

"Thank you!", I was relieved that people cared and wanted to help. I was beginning to panic.

The clock was ticking and we were now an hour behind schedule.

The older lady (her name was Mildred) said "My husband has some supplies that he could probably use to open that door. Let me see if I can call him up... I'm sure he'll help"

Her Husband arrived 15 minutes later. He was an older man, that moved very slowly out of his car.. He pulled a kit from the back and approached our vehicle.

He spread all the tools out over the street and got to work.. pushing wedges in the door, sticking in metal prongs and sticks.. poking, prodding... He managed to pull the lever under the seat with a metal stick and that caused the trunk to pop open. We were able to get the spare key out of the trunk.

We were so grateful. Eric gave him all the cash we had and thanked him over and over.

We returned to Mildred at the front desk and thanked her for calling her husband. She was so sweet and happy that we were able to continue our journey.

That's a picture of that wonderful kind woman

It it wasn't for her, we'd still be stranded in the middle of nowhere

The couple that gave us the clothes hanger waved and smiled. "Good luck in San Francisco!!"

We started up the car and it didn't sound so good. It bucked and came to a stop. Then We tried starting the engine again.. it was a little bumpy.

"It's the belt", Eric explained. "It's normal for an old car like this with so many miles"

That's the first time the car has acted like that. We're going to have to slow down our pace from now on. I don't want to push our little corolla too hard and end up broken down on the side of the road.

But despite the stress of the key situation, the ride through Wyoming was beautiful! The upward climb going into the mountains caused our little corolla to wheeze, but the view was breathtaking on all sides.

This is what we dreamed of. Open roads..mountains...fresh air.. fields of deer, cows and buffalo...

I didn't want the drive to end.

We reached Evanston, Wyoming by 10, and we entered just in time. The room was spacious and surprisingly nice considering the cheap cost. We actually expected it to be a dump.

Now it's time to hit the road again.

I'll update again from Nevada

Road Trip - Day 2

2007-09-12T10:58:00.000-04:00

It's 7:30 A.M. Central time and I'm sitting in a motel room in Moline, Illinois. Population 43,768 and home of the "Quad city steam wheelers".

That's all I know about this city. It's a mystery to me. This is my first time in Illinois. We arrived last night at 11:30 P.M.

The Sunlight is streaming through the sheer curtains. Eric is still sleeping and he looks so peaceful all nestled in the sheets. The Motel room looks like a tornado hit it. Clothing scattered, sheets thrown, open suitcases...I need to clean up because We have to hit the road again soon.

We traveled through 3 states yesterday and we hit the 1,000 mile mark of our journey at 9:29 P.M. I still can't believe we're on this road trip. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to confirm that it's truly happening!
****

Yesterday morning hit the road later than planned because we decided to explore Newton Falls, Ohio a bit.

Something about that small town in the middle of nowhere completely fascinated me. The Main street area consisted of only a strip of store fronts. The flowershop, the Barber shop, the giftshop, the Notary, the church, The Jeweler, a restaurant and a cafe.

People waved and said "good morning!" as we walked by. The people in the Barber shop watched us curiously from the window.

We bought some coffee at the town cafe called "The Brew Basket". There was a group of older women gossiping and sewing a quilt. They gazed at us when we entered and whispered amoung eachother.

The lady behind the counter was all smiles and greeted us warmly. She asked us where were from. We explained our road trip from New York to San Francisco. This prompted her to tell a story of a man that traveled into Newton falls two years ago that was on a bike trip cross country.

The older man preparing our coffee took a very very very long time, but it was the best coffee I've had in a long time.

We drank our coffee and left little Newton falls,Ohio to continue our drive to California.

****

At 1 P.M. we reached Cleveland. Tall buildings, business men weaving around the traffic, the massive stadium. The radio stations got better too. I've only read about Cleveland in books, so it was exciting to see this city in person for the first time.

We stopped in The Hard Rock Cafe for lunch.

Believe it or not, this is the very first time I've entered a Hard Rock Cafe in my life. I've always wanted to, but never had the chance. I was completely thrilled. I gazed around at all the memorabilia from some of my fav. musicians and listened to the pounding music.

When we hit the road again, the landscape changed again... the city disappeared and we were confronted with flatness.

Miles and miles of open road, blue skies, Fluffy white clouds and fields of corn. It just went on and on for as far as the eye could see. It was utterly surreal.

Every radio station played country music. We drove for hours on this seemingly endless stretch..It was so relaxing. Sometimes we wouldn't speak, just held hands and took it all in. I put up my feet and enjoyed the sun.

At 5:00 P.M., we reached INDIANA

A few more hills emerged on the landscape but that was about the extent of the difference. It was more road, more fields, more cows and Barns dotting the horizon.

8:03 Eastern/7:03 Central time - (At some point the time switched over...suddenly my cellphone clock went back an hour) We reached Illinois.

Such a difference, more traffic, more buildings, billboards, signs.. The sun was setting and the sky was a warm orange..

We stopped in Chicago, Illinois for dinner (Navigating around was insane and stressful) and then continued on our way.

we read to eachother, talked, listened to music and drank non-stop energy drinks to stay awake..

At 11:30 we hit Moline, Illinois and got lost. Which caused a lot of bickering. "you're holding the map wrong! Let me see that! Go left! no...not that way! Where ARE we?!" Eventually we found our motel and lugged our bags inside. Then collapsed on the bed laughing in utter exhaustion. .

This motel cost 5$ more than the last one and is ten times nicer.

We got into comfortable PJ's and drank some Coronas. It was such a relief to stretch out our legs and feel the comfortable mattress beneath us.

We're almost half-way to San Francisco! Time to hit the road again.

I'll update again from our next stop off point

Road Trip - Day one Recap

2007-09-11T10:16:00.000-04:00

Last night we arrived in Ohio, I was too tired to do more than post those motel pictures in the previous entry. Now I’m a little more awake… I’m eating the motel’s free continental breakfast (Which consists of a tiny microscopic muffin and a small cup of coffee…) Eric is taking a shower. I have a little time to write before we hit the road again.

so here’s a detailed recap of the first day of our road trip. I pulled together little notes I wrote in my paper journal while I was on the road.

We got a late start on our road trip. The fact that we were too excited to fall asleep at a decent time had something to do with it.

We double-checked and triple checked everything before excitedly hitting the road at 11:45 A.M.

12:30 – We drove over the Throngs neck bridge entering the bronx, then crossed the Washington bridge into New Jersey… we were blasting music and happily singing along. So far so good…

12:58 - New Jersey – also lovingly referred to as “the toilet bowl state” greets us with a curtain of water, Dumping the skies onto our little automobile. The rain pounded so hard on the windshield that we could barely see the road.

The water-resistant but not water PROOF cloth bag strapped to the roof picked up a few gallons. With the extra weight bearing down on the metal, the ceiling slightly dented inwards into the cabin.

This left Eric swearing at New Jersey. “What a &#%(^& WELCOME! Thank you Garden State!”

1:35: The rain let up and we drove through Columbia, New Jersey. The sun came out from behind the clouds and it was all good.

1:55 – The odometer hit 170 miles. We stopped to fill up our tank at a little town in New Jersey called “hope”

2:15 – six miles from the Delaware Water gap. We stop for a scenic road side view. We added our names to a picnic table covered with graffiti from other road travelers over the years. If you ever happen to be there…check it out

2:25 – PENNSYLVANIA!

2:50 – checked out the Delaware Water Gap

3:35 – Driving through the beautiful Poconos. The view is breathtaking and the weather is beautiful. We have another “OH MY GOD! WE’RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS! WE’RE MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO!!! WOO HOO!!” moment…

4:20 – We stop at Mom’s Dutch Kitchen in Dansville, PA

The Special is “All-you-can-eat-LIVER”. I’m not kidding. Look at the menu.

Eric ordered a big pile of YUCK. I stuck with the salad.

5:00 – Trapped in a long conversation with cashier when we try to pay for our meal. She tells us about her road trip to Alabama…every minute moment of it. She was really sweet, but we were already way behind schedule! We bought a Pennsylvania Dutch County shot glass at the gift shop.

7:00 – Sun is setting. We reached the highest point east of the missippi. Roads are swervy, we’re surrounded by trucks that are driving precariously. Beginning to feel a little uneasy.

And my cellphone fell somewhere in the boxes in the boxseat. I can hear it ringing but can’t reach it while I’m driving. I have NO idea where it is or where it fell. My family and friends now probably think we’re dead on the side of some road.

7:30 – Brooksville, PA – we have our first COW SIGHTING. “Cows! Cows!” Eric screamed out “We must be getting closer to Ohio!”

It’s starting to get dark.

8:30 – It’s dark. No sign of Ohio, just open road…

9:15 – Ohio!!!!

Now here we are in Newton Falls, Ohio and about to start Day 2 of our road trip.

I’ll update again when I reach our next motel stop.

Ready to hit the road

2007-09-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

Today we spent the day packing and moving boxes out of our house...

My husband strapped the Large canvas bag containing all of our clothing to the top of the car and we put boxes in the backseat.

This is "Marty", the new star of my journal.

Our little Corolla.

He's going to take us from New York to San Francisco in one piece... well..hopefully

We highlighted our path on a big map of the United States.

Our course is set. We're ready to roll.

We're leaving tomorrow morning

Only 10 hours left before we hit the road.

I'm packing up my computer now...

I'll update again tomorrow once we reach our first stop

OHIO

until then... wish us luck:)

San francisco here we come!

San Francisco - Day 4

2007-07-22T17:32:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling sad.

It's our last day.

Eric and I grabbed our morning coffee at a cafe called "The Nook" and drank it on the roof.

We sat there for a long time afterwards and gazed at the city of San Francisco.

John was feeling low.

The weather began to change. It grew colder and more window. The apartment walls creaked and the wind from the open window blew papers off of John's desk.

It looked almost eerie and surreal. The tufts of thick clouds rolling over the city..

We spent most of the day inside John's apartment, talking...

Later on in the afternoon, I cleaned up the flat. It was a a bit messy from 3 nights of non-stop partying. Eric and John did some laundry. We also did some grocery shopping.

This was not a day for sightseeing. We had deeper issues to discuss about life..love..death..the future...

There was an overwhelming feeling of melancholy in the air.

As the evening progressed, the mood improved. We stayed up all night talking. We decided not to sleep because we had to leave so early in the morning to catch the flight back to New York.

We ended up laughing so hard my sides ached and tears spilled down my cheeks. It involved a cat falling off a cabinet. It's a long story...

It was such a fun night.

Saying goodbye was hard. The taxi arrived too quickly and we were rushing down the stairs with our luggage. We had to say our goodbye's so quickly...

But sometimes that's easier than drawing it out painfully.

Even though we know we'll be back in September, it was difficult to leave. We sat in the taxi and watched John's apartment disappear as we turned the corner. The streets were filled with fog.

My eyes filled with tears.

I'm so glad we made this trip.

San Francisco - Day 3

2007-07-22T16:49:00.000-04:00

This morning, I woke up at 11:30 A.M. and took a trek down to the California Street Cafe again for coffee to go with Eric. I'm starting to get a feel for the area and feeling comfortable.

The lady behind the counter thought Eric was IRISH and loved his accent. (After living in America, Eric's German accent has transformed into some odd difficult to define mixture that is always mistaken for something else.) She was incredibly open and friendly.

We also picked up some sushi and smoothies at "Cal Foods". It was the oddest shaped grocery store I had ever seen. the architecture was similar to a 1950's science fiction movie. The cashier had long platinum blond hair that she kept flipping over her shoulders and she was all smiles.

The people in San Francisco are so different from New York City. It's like two different worlds.

After breakfast John, Eric and I drove over the Golden Gate bridge.

I could see the ocean on all sides and the massive structure of the vibrant red bridge as we went under the peaks. The deep green mountains and the clear blue sky. Music was blasting from the stereo and all the windows in the car were open. It was utterly Euphoric and I felt so free. so alive!

When we reached the other side. We parked and took in the famous view of San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge. Sailboats bobbed in the water, the warm breeze, the sound of seagulls, the blaring of a ship horn...

We could see San Francisco across the shore. Our new home..

Afterwards we drove to Ocean Beach..

People were running, sun bathring and leaping through the waves. There were massive rocks in the distance and you could see the mountains. The weather was perfect. So far there hasn't been much of the infamous fog during our trip. Sunny days and clear skies. .

We all walked across the sand towards the shore.

Eric rolled up his jeans and ran into the water

I listened to the crashing waves and took into the view while Eric and John talked about the move and the area.

"This is beautiful...", I said

"You haven't seen anything yet", John assured me. "I wish we had more time, I have so much to show you guys.."

Later on we went to the famous In and Out Burger restaurant for the best cheese burgers in San Francisco. Eric was curious because of the reference in "The Big Lebowski" - i.e. "Those are good burgers, Walter". Apparently this is a really popular joint. It was packed to the rim.

Afterwards we hung out in John's flat. We talked and drank wine into the early morning hours.

This was my favorite day of our trip so far.

I can't believe tomorrow is our last day, I don't want to leave.

Day 2 - San Francisco

2007-07-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

We overslept.

At 2 O'clock in the afternoon, I heard the sound of a clanging cable car bell in the distance and creaking in the apartment walls from the outside wind. I shifted awake and sat up slowly. For a moment I felt disoriented and confused. I was lying on an air mattress in the middle of a strange livingroom with open windows. I could see the view of the golden gate bridge and the fluffy passing clouds.

I shook Eric awake. He opened his eyes and smiled. We both leaned against the window frame and took in the view of San Francisco..

Eric went to take a shower and cried out "Clarity! Come here! HELP!...Can you tell me how to turn on the shower?"

I joined him in the bathroom and we both stared at the faucet. Turn left for HOT and right for COLD. We tried to pull it up, down and around...nothing happened.

But no switch to go from the shower to the faucet. We searched everywhere. Apparently this odd model had the switch located underneath the faucet nozzle. This little attachment that you pull down and twist. We had to have John explain it.

Strangest thing I've ever seen. Does anyone else have a shower like that? Is it a San Francisco thing?

Then I realized that John didn't have any coffee or even a coffee machine. He simply doesn't drink coffee. That's UNHEARD OF for a New Yorker. I panicked. I need my daily morning caffeine fix.

So I hit the streets in search of a coffee shop. I headed downhill...

The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cool and with a gentle breeze. I could hear some music coming from an open apartment window. A couple of people jogged past me. I'm amazed at how many people in California run instead of walk from place to place...

Then I discovered the California Street Cafe..

Artsy with wireless internet connection. There were people on the coffee shop sofa's surfing the web on their laptops and a funky woman with beads behind the counter. I ordered a Cafe latte and a Cappuccino.

Then I headed back uphill to John's apartment.

We all hung out in his living room, drinking coffee, eating breakfast and chatting for 3 hours..

John wasn't much in the mood for sightseeing but he urged us to go out there and do something. He promised to join us tomorrow. After an hour of pleading with him to come with us.. we accepted his desire to stay at home. "Just go on, check out San Francisco, have some fun exploring..." He said "Here's the keys to my car. I'll take a nap now and we'll all hang out tonight"

We headed out the front door to take in a little bit of the city for the first time...

But we didn't know where to go. So we just started walking...

We walked down Clay street towards China Town...we took a turn on Powell street... All the street signs changed to chinese for a while. We just took in the sights and sounds. We had no clue where we were going...but we knew we were heading towards the water..

We stopped at the Mario's Bohemian Cigar store Cafe for more coffee...

We ordered some Cappuccino's and checked out the map to see where we were heading.

From the coffee shop window, we had a great view of Washington Square

People were lounging on the grass, throwing frisbees, making out, laughing and reading. The weather was so ideal and the clouds were a deep blue.

At that moment I felt so good about of our decision to live here in San Francisco. There's a certain warm feeling in this city. The people are nicer. They seem to be smiling more than New Yorkers. There is more of a bohemian feeling..

We continued our walk

Eventually we reached Fisherman's wharf..

There were breakdancers spinning on their heads.. street performers of all types... Horse and buggies... music blasting.. Tourists EVERYWHERE..

We strolled over the docks holding hands and took in the view of Alcatraz

Seeing Alcatraz for the first time in person really floored me. I've read about Robert Stroud (The "Birdman of Alcatraz), Al Capone and George "Machine Gun" Kelly. Of course, the most recent movie I saw it in was "The Rock"

We wandered on.. Passing the old ships

and went into the San Francisco Museum. It had old coin machines dating back to the early 1900's and they were all in working condition.

I wasted too much quarters in this place, excitedly running from machine to machine. Getting my fortune read, viewing old moving pictures, playing old games...

The biggest waste of a quarter was on THIS machine

Can you guess what the answer was?

We continued on our way..The fisherman were cracking open crab legs and serving fresh seafood at the market.

We stopped to eat at BURGERMEISTER... Eric ordered a vegetarian Burger and I had a portobello mushroom inbetween two buns.

We walked up the INSANELY STEEP Lombard street. I was panting and sweating the entire way up. The street was nearly vertical, you can lean against it when you need to rest during your journey.

But the view was astounding...

At the top was the famous crooked street that I've only seen in movies and postcards.

We continued to the very tippy top..I just stood there and took it all in. I can't believe we're going to live here!

The sun was setting and everything had a warm glow over it. Eric and I held hands and continued up HYDE STREET..

When he saw "Swensens" he grew excited. "I went here with my mother when I was only a small boy! It had the best icecream I've ever tasted!!"

We stopped in for icecream. I had a scoop of "Thin Mint", he had a cookies and cream sundae..

We ate our icecream while walking back to John's house. We were both in a great mood. This is our first real vacation together in 5 years. I never knew that 4 simple hours just strolling through the city could be so relaxing and fun.

John was taking a nap. We woke him up and we all hung out together in the livingroom. We caught up on old times, laughed, drank, talked for hours and hours.

I can't remember what time we fell asleep...

It's so good to see John again and to be here in California.

SAN FRANCISCO - DAY 1

2007-07-19T06:54:00.000-04:00

We had to leave for the airport at 1:30 A.M. in order to arrive 4 hours early to check in for our standby flight so it didn't make much sense to sleep.

Besides, I was way too excited to even attempt to take a nap before the flight. I packed our bags and checked them over and over to make sure I didn't forget anything. I was pacing back and forth across the living room floor wringing my hands while Eric tried to get a few hours of shut eye in.

The airport was filled with sleeping travelers in random cots spread out on the floor, We weaved around the bodies and checked in.

The man behind the desk told us that we were the very first standby passengers to check in for this flight but that the airplane was packed, so we might get bumped anyway. He told us to be patient.

Our Aunt had told us to wear "business Attire" and to look our very best because we were representing the airline. Eric had on a full suit and I was in high heels. We were trying to pull off the "Mature Professional couple look" I wonder if anyone was buying it.

4 hours later we were bumped from the first flight.

"We're sorry, folks. This flight is full to the limit. You'll have to wait for the next one"

We waited.

2 hours later...

We were once again bumped...

We paced around the airport for another two hours. I was beginning to feel disheartened. Eric kept checking the departure times on the monitors, while I started falling asleep on the table in the airport Starbucks.

We waited and waited...

Finally we heard our names called on the third flight to San Francisco going out of New York for that day.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith... we have ONE ticket available in First class otherwise the plane is entirely full. The next flight in 4 hours has no available standby space. Are you willing to SEPARATE? only ONE of you can get onto this flight. I'm very sorry"

Eric shook his head. "No we're not separating."

"Eric, you should go ahead... I'll just wait here. I'm sure I'll get a flight out at some point. You heard her.. she said that the next flight is full. Go on without me." I insisted

"No why don't YOU go ahead and I'll wait around", Eric protested

"I don't want to... You go ahead"

We were both nearly in tears.

The airline attendant interrupted us "Wait!!! Another space opened up in First class. You can BOTH get on this flight. But you have to HURRY HURRY!! Go go go!"

She pushed us onto the terminal and we ran onto the plane.

We were breathless as we fell into our seats. I looked around in amazement. We were in FIRST CLASS!! I had never flown first class before. The seats were all leather, with so much space for our feet... They moved down into beds with electronic buttons. An airline stewardess immediately approached us and took our jackets to hang up in the closet.

"Would you like something to drink? A cocktail? soda? wine?"

I could barely speak.

The ride was pure luxury. A 3 course meal, desert, endless beer and wine. They even made the salad right in front of us. I was given a personal entertainment system with movies and music albums I could access by pressing the screen. I had to keep pinching myself to convince myself that this wasn't all a dream

I was exhausted, but it was impossible to sleep. I was way too giddy.

Soon we were landing. Eric and I excitedly peered out the window at California below us. The sky was clear until we approached San Francisco, then we saw fluffy clouds obscuring our view. As though we were entering NEVERLAND from Peter pan, a mystical Island.

We were here, San Francisco International Airport.

When we exited the plane, we could see the mountains around us through the airport windows.

"We're here!!!! We're here!!!" We were high from all the wine and coffee served on the flight. Eric was laughing.

We picked up our luggage and took the sky train to the BART subway system. We bought tickets for a train that would take us from the Airport into DOWNTOWN SAN FRANCISCO.

We ended up in POWELL STATION 20 minutes later.

When we walked up the steps from the BART subway station onto Powell street... I saw a cable car for the very first time. I knew we had finally arrived in San Francisco.

They bustled loudly up and down the steep roads, the bells clanging. People were jumping on and off. Street performers were on the streets, people weaved around us. There was so much energy in the air.

We just stood there taking it all in.

I couldn't believe we were actually here!

We decided to attempt to walk to John's house from the BART station even though we knew it would be a bit of a distance.

We stumbled up the hills dragging our luggage behind us. My high heels made me unsteady and I had a hard time navigating. I kept gazing around in awe and losing pace. The weather was hot and my suit jacket was making me sweat. Finally we reached the top of the hill..

We could see the water and the mountains in the distance. It was beautiful... but I knew I couldn't make the rest of the walk. I was leaning against the building entirely breathless...

We finally caved in and took a taxi the rest of the way.

John greeted us on the street and ran up to give us a hug. It was incredible to see our good friend again after over 5 years of being separated. He looked exactly the same as we remembered him.

He helped us take our luggage up all the flights of stairs leading to his top story flat. "There is no elevator", He explained "This is an old house dating back to the early 1900's"

His apartment was wonderful. Hardwood floors, a new kitchen and one room that just had big windows on all sides. He pulled open the blinds and showed us the view.

I just gasped and stared.

It was mind-blowingly beautiful. I was seeing the golden gate bridge for the first time. A gentle breeze came in through the window and I could hear all the sounds of the city below. It was like living on the top of the world.

I felt so happy and speechless at that moment. It all felt like a dream.

We changed into more comfortable clothing and all sat together in his livingroom. We had so much to talk about and catch up on.

Afterwards we went to chestnut street and had dinner at a restaurant called "Skewers", at least I think that's what the name was. I was too overwhelmed at the fact that I was in San Francisco to register much else. I had honey mustard chicken.. It was delicious. We also drank wine.

We returned to his flat and just lounged there all night, drinking, talking, laughing...

I fell asleep (after being awake nearly 48 hours straight) eager to see what the rest of the city had to offer... It was just the beginning.

End of DAY ONE.

Day 2 coming soon...

Going to San Francisco

2007-07-15T05:45:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've updated here.

Life has been hectic. I have a new job that takes up most of my time these days and there hasn't been much to write about..

Until now...

There has been a new development in our life and I was waiting until I told all my family members before writing about this.

Our Good friend from art college that now lives in San Francisco invited us to live with him.

We are moving to San Francisco in September!!

I've never been to California and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I'd live there. We talked this through all last week and now it's official. We ARE going to do this. Life is too short not to.

We decided that we would store most of our belongings and furniture at my parents house for now.

We will pack up our little Toyota Corolla with all the essentials (as much as we can possibly fit) and drive cross country to San Francisco.

My father will drop the cats off at the airport once we reach San Francisco and we will pick them up from the pet cargo area. I think they would handle a couple of hours in an airplane better than a road trip

Since we'll be moving into a fully furnished apartment with our friend, it doesn't make sense to bring over our entire household just yet.

We'll be taking the (I-80) Lincoln Highway route from NY to CA. We'll be driving through a number of states...

New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada...

and finally we'll reach California.

But before that drive, we'll be visiting our friend for a couple of days next week. I can't wait to see him.

We have standby tickets from our Aunt that works for an airline company. I hope we can get on a flight...

I'm so excited!!

Another big move and change in our life, so It's time to start up this blog again...We never seem to stay in one place long enough to call it "home" but that's what makes life interesting.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T08:15:00.000-05:00

It's so wonderful to be home with my family for the holidays.

It's Christmas Morning!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Our new home

2006-12-10T18:52:00.000-05:00

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.

Remember this - very little is needed to make a happy life."

****

It's been a busy week, but we're finally all moved in to our new home.

There is still a lot to do today.

I just took 15 minutes to step away from it all and relax. Life is so short. It doesn't hurt to take a moment to appreciate it. A moment to look at how far you've come and where you're heading.

I sat in my room and gazed out the window. The afternoon light is fading.I watched a little girl run down the driveway to pick up the newspaper and run back into the house laughing because she was still in her pajamas in public. I listened to the sound of my husband's voice as he sang along with "Soul to Squeeze" by Red Hot Chili peppers in the livingroom. I felt the warmth of the heat kicking in and streaming from the ceiling vents. I enjoyed the taste of coffee as I sipped it from my second hand shop mug.

We might not have much as far as finances right now (Okay, so we're poor...I'm not exaggerating on the starving artists description)

but we're happy. We have good friends, a good marriage, a good life. The housewarming party last night had been fun, our friends came with baskets filled with wine, tea, cookies and even a little portable stovetop. I'm so grateful for them, for everything.

**If you're reading this right now, take a moment to appreciate what you have. Life is fleeting and yes, this IS as good as it gets.**

My coffee cup is empty now. Time to get back to work.

****

Note: My old E-mail address no longer is working. My new E-mail is BlueClarity25@hotmail.com. If anyone has sent me an E-mail recently, please forward it to the newest address because I can't access it.

We're moving

2006-12-01T00:45:00.000-05:00

Okay It's official.

We're moving.

We found the perfect apartment in a great location for an affordable price.

It's close to Eric's job and it's a dream come true. It's the downstairs flat in a large "mother/daughter House". It has a large backyard with a patio.

We signed the six month lease today!

We just returned from meeting with our landlord. Eric collapsed into bed with a smile and I read the lease agreement to him. I have to admit that I just barely skimmed it when it was initially handed to me. I was just so eager to sign on the dotted line and make this move official.

No scary small print or unexpected surprises.

My bestfriend from Florida is here to visit for a few weeks. She just arrived today. We all went out to the chinese buffet and Starbucks. It's so nice to have her here! she offered to also help with the moving.

The flat will be available on December 5th. 5 more days!

I should really start packing....

I'm sorry I haven't updated with all the details from my trip to Las Vegas yet. That will be my next entry! I've just been busy lately and life has been a little crazy.

Right now I'm excited about all the changes in my life, but also incredibly exhausted. It's been a long day.

Just a quick update. Longer one coming soon!

Back home

2006-11-08T05:52:00.000-05:00

I just returned from my trip. 3 days in Las Vegas and 5 days in Arizona. It was an incredible experience.

But It was a sad flight home.

It was hard to say goodbye to my friend. Arizona is long way from New York.

I wish we had more time together...

I was sick during the flight. My ears were popping and my head was pounding. There was a lot of turbulance and thick grey clouds. The Fasten seatbelt sign was glowing red through the entire ride. I tried to sleep, but my head kept bumping against the window everytime the plane jolted.

I fell asleep in my husband's arms the minute I arrived back home.

I slept for 12 hours straight.

I really miss my friend. Why can't we live closer?

So much to write about and pictures to post from this trip. Unfortunately I'm incredibly sick at the moment. I need to climb back into bed.

Pictures coming soon.

I hope everyone had a good week.

Las Vegas!

2006-10-30T02:42:00.000-05:00

It's 2:30 A.M., I have my suitcases packed and lined up at the door. At 4:30 A.M. I'll be leaving for the airport.

It's been a while since I've updated here but I have been taking pictures, so I thought I would give a little recap of this week in my life with photographs.

October 22nd was Eric's Birthday - We started celebrating at 12:30 A.M. at the local pub.

At 3 P.M. We all went Pumpkin Picking as a family.

It was 20$ for all you can carry. Afterwards we went out to Dinner, then met up with a friend to go bowling. For some reason, Eric loves bowling...I'm simply the queen of Gutterballs. It was a fun day.

October 24th...

I traveled into Manhattan with my youngest sister Amber to meet Miley Cyrus. (Billy Ray Cyrus's Daughter a.k.a "Hannah Montana")

I thought we would arrive 2 hours early to the signing and be on the safe side. I was surprised to discover that the line already stretched around the entire Virgin Records Building in Times Square and down about a quarter of a mile!

After about an hour, I lost all feeling in my hands. Girls were running around screaming and the MTV building was also running a TRL show. News crews were interviewing fans. I stood there shivering and I couldn't even see where the line ended behind us. It went on for eternity. It was just insane.

It was all worth it in the end when I saw my little sister's huge smile and wide awe-struck eyes.

October 26th...

Pumpkin carving with Amber. This particular pumpkin is "Horace"

October 27th

Traveling from Halloween U.S.A., To Party City in hopes of finding the perfect costume.

I returned empty handed after trying on everything I could find in my size...

October 28th...

Spending time with my sisters. For the first time in over 4 years that my entire family is all under the same roof.

October 29th...

Preparing for Las Vegas....

I found a costume. Eric and I decided to be matching pirates. Yes, a bit lame but our creativity is tapped dry due to lack of funds and lack of time.

Now it's time to shake Eric awake and eat some early breakfast. My close friend is getting married in Las Vegas and we have a flight to catch. I'm so excited about this trip! My first time in Las Vegas!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Happy Birthday

2006-10-22T20:34:00.000-04:00

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me;

Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person,

Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of,

Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you....

love is...."

****

Today is Eric's Birthday!

Happy Birthday, My Love

He's home

2006-10-17T22:56:00.000-04:00

He arrived here safely late last night

My Father is home!

Roadtrip: Georgia - Day 7, 8 and 9

2006-10-16T01:48:00.000-04:00

2:35 P.M.

Today my father is supposed to return home from Iraq.

We're waiting. Everytime the phone rings we jump up hoping that it's him asking us to pick him up at the airport...

Every time there's a knock at the door... we all rush for it.

The waiting..

is driving me crazy.

I can't wait to see him. I'll be able to hug him in real life, not just gaze at a blurry photograph sent via E-mail from Baghdad. It's been two years!

When will my father be home already??

Right now it's 12:45 A.M. Everyone in the family has already fallen asleep. I'm still waiting by the window. After being in Iraq for so long, he shouldn't return to a silent home. This is a big homecoming. I want to be there to greet him at the door.

I'm determined to stay awake.

In the meantime, let me post the final entries and pictures from my road trip already. It will give me something to do to pass the time...

*****

Day 7 - September 29th, 2006

We arrived in Georgia after midnight. Heather called her father on his cell and he told us to meet us at a certain McDonalds parking lot.

I found that rather strange. "why don't we just drive straight to the house?"

"Because it's hard to find and the roads are dangerous at night. Deep slopes, cliffs, sharp turns and uphill dirt pathways." Heather laughed and added "I told you... he lives in the mountains, Clarity"

"hmmm...."

Her Father was waiting for us. When he emerged, I was surprised to see the All American Dad. He looked like he emerged from a Fox television special. The greying hair, the warm smile, and crinkles around his eyes. He had a good sense of humor and started to tell Heather to watch out for the deer.

"If you see what looks like little reflecters in the woods, slow down. Those are deer. They jump out at you and do some crazy shit" Her father explained with a slight southern accent.

(I pictured screaming deers that leap on your car and smash your windows with baseball bats.)

I'm from New York. I don't know anything about country living. This was all foreign to me.

The drive to their home stretched on for eternity. It was scary, bumpy and filled with strange turns. Forest surrounded us on all sides and the roads were narrow. I kept thinking "who lives THIS far away from civilization...besides maybe, Stephen King"

As we're driving, Heather starts to explain that there are three big black dogs on the estate. One that goes by the name... BEAR. Note: I have a massive fear of dogs. There was a steep hill leading up to the home. The wheels spun beneath us, spitting out stones and sand into the air.

The home was beautiful. He showed us to the guest room and we crashed for the night exhausted.

I woke up in the most comfortable bed, all feather and fluff. I could hear dogs barking in the distance and the sunlight was streaming in through the ivory curtains.

Then I heard a gunshot go off.

I went out to the balcony and saw Michael shooting down at a target. (a can, I think)

I looked over the edge of the balcony and saw Bear. Our eyes met for the first time.

Not as bad as I imagined.
The home was beautiful. Old fashioned and rustic

The inside was just as antique and quaint. It was like a movie set for a Victorian film.

It was so peaceful, nature surrounded us on all sides. It was so quiet except for the birds singing in the trees and the sound of the leaves rustling in the breeze. Completely removed from traffic, commercial buildings and other people. They lived in their own world in the middle of the mountains. I think I could grow to love country living in Georgia.

I loved the mailboxes at the bottom of the hill. (about a mile from their house!)

We took a drive through the countryside.

and we stopped at a stand to buy some Georgia Peaches...

But later on discovered that even though we were in Georgia, they sold us North Carolina Peaches. Same taste apparently but doesn't sound as cool.

Heather knew that I really miss Germany, so she took me to a special place in Georgia called...HELEN

It's a little town nestled in a mountain that is modeled after a German Village. Everything German and it was in the middle of Oktoberfest

It was a really unique place

And it really sparkled at night

Not quite the same as Germany though.

However it's the thought that counts and Heather is a great friend. She figured since I couldn't get back to Germany, she would bring Germany to me. We had a fun time. Then we went out for Fondue at the Melting Pot with her StepMother. It was such an fun night. The food was...there aren't words to describe it. It was the closest to heaven I ever came through the form of food.

Day 8 - September 30th, 2006

So..that was it for us. We woke up and did some shopping at a local outlet. Then we had to say goodbye to her parents. They are beyond wonderful. She has a great family. A lot of warmth and love.

I wasn't kidding about the bumpy roads..Here is some video footage of the drive.

I have a new vision of Georgia (and to be honest, my previous vision was pretty warped and bad.) This changed my perspective.

We hit the road and embarked on the longest straight drive home to New York. We kept eachother awake by chugging redbulls all night long and talking about everything.

Day 9

Home sweet home. We pulled up the driveway at noon. Eric came running out. He swung open the car door and jumped on top of me. We kissed like maniacs in the backseat. I missed him like crazy.

AND That...concludes my road trip to Florida and Georgia.

To my bestfriend, To Heather, Michael,Tara, Angie, Sheila, and Claudia.

Thank you! You are all amazing. It was truly an unforgettable week and some of the happiest moments in my life. :)

*****

Florida Roadtrip - Day 5 and 6

2006-10-11T15:15:00.000-04:00

******

I actually received this message in my fortune cookie at the chinese buffet a few days ago.

Figures...

At any rate...Here are more entries from my road trip to Florida

****
Day 5 - September 27th, 2006

The morning after our trip to Disneyworld, A friend, Angie woke me up with an invitation to the beach. I excitedly pulled on my swimgear only to have to leave the beach after an hour because it started to rain.

The sky cleared up and we picked up my bestfriend who had just woken up after returning from Dialysis. We all headed towards old town, Saint Augustine to check out the historic district.

It was beautiful... Old buildings from the 1700's, statues, waterfountains and horses pulling carriages. It's the oldest town in the U.S.A. Here are some pictures from our walk.

This is the oldest house in all of Saint Augustine. Here is a blurb about the history.

"This is reputedly one of the oldest houses in the U.S. It sits on a site that has been occupied by Europeans since the early 1600's. The present structure, also known as the González-Alvarez house, was built sometime around 1702 out of coquina, a soft, local shell-rock. One of the owners was Tomás González, a soldier stationed at the Castillo San Marcos. Another was Geronimo Alvarez, who bought the house in 1790, which stayed in his family for nearly 100 years."

That was the ancient door knocker on the oldest house in America that has remained preserved for centuries..

We returned to the car as the sun was setting and rain began to fall again. Then we began to drive around town pulling together the cake and party favors for Heather's surprise birthday party. She had taken a day trip with Michael and was due to return in the evening. It was her birthday and we wanted to make it special

She returned after midnight and we all screamed out surprise. We had a fun night that stretched until the early morning hour. One part of the night included a 3 A.M. car drive that I will never...ever forget.

What occured during that car ride is a secret that I will take to my grave. It involved a lot of laughter and it brought all of us closer.

It also involved sunglasses.

That's all I can reveal.

I stayed up talking with my bestfriend until 7 A.M., eventually we both passed out from sheer exhaustion. It reminded me of the sleepover parties we had during our teen years. It also reminded me of why we have been bestfriends for over 10 years.

****

Day 6 - September 28th, 2006

This is was our last day in Florida.

We all went to Outback for lunch and then headed one more time to the beach.

The sun was setting and everything was various shades of pastels.

Angie, Heather and I ran across the soft sand into the ocean. The water was so warm and lapped around our bodies. We let the waves knock us over and floated in the current. It was so relaxing. I gazed up at the pink clouds moving across the sky. The beach was almost entirely empty...It was just sublime.

I miss Florida beaches. Nothing can compare to them.

Then I had to say Goodbye to my bestfriend. I hate goodbyes....

I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to see her again... if all goes well she'll be visiting New York in December.

Then we hit the road again.

Next destination: Georgia

"My dad lives in the mountains...in the middle of nowhere...", Heather explained during the car ride.

I thought that might have been a slight exagerration.

It WASN'T.

To be continued...

Florida road trip: Day 3 and 4

2006-10-06T16:41:00.000-04:00

Things have been pretty hectic around these parts for the past few days. I didn't have much chance to log online. Eric and I have been doing some more renovation in the house on his day off and trying to get back into the swing of things since my vacation. There is a lot going on right now. I feel this pressure in my chest and a bit of stress at the moment.

But here are more of the journal entries and pictures from last weeks trip...

*****

September 25th, 2006 - Day 3

We hit the road in the afternoon for Orlando to go to Pleasure Island. It was a 2 and a half hour ride filled with interesting conversation. I was in the backseat, sitting in the middle between Angie and Michael. My bestfriend and Heather were in the front.

We checked into a Motel right next to DownTown Disney, All five of us sharing 2 beds. I felt like I was back in college during springbreak.

We drank Smirnoff Ices out of 24 ounce bottles and laughed about how we hadn't done that in a while.

I had never been to Pleasure Island before. I loved the atmosphere. Music blasting on the walkways. People ran by drunk and laughing. We hopped from club to club taking in the different music. From the B.E.T. club blasting rap music, to the top 40 jam packed club with 3 levels, live bands, A gay club with a floor that revolved in circles, dry ice and blinding strobing lights. I loved the eighties club.

At one point Heather and Angie were dancing in one of the 2 level clubs. I went to the second level with Michael and filmed the crowd of people moving to the beat and The movie screen showing Justin Timberlake singing "SexyBack". Here is the short video...

Heather was running around with her birthday tiara and knocking back Long Island Iced Teas like there was no tomorrow. We were all cracking up by the end of the night...

We came back with overpriced wine to continue drinking... . The last I remember is eating McDonalds indian style on the motel bed while my bestfriend was laughing about something.

....I woke up on the next morning on the floor....

Um.

Yeah.

******

September 26th, 2006 - Day 4

After a long search for Heather's Birthday Tiara...which was sadly M.I.A., we checked out of the motel and had breakfast at Ponderosa.

Then hit the road for Disney World. As we approached the signs for The Magic Kingdom... Heather started blasting "Under the Sea" from Little Mermaid.

Yes, We went from responsible Twenty-somethings... to teenagers at Pleasure Island.. we continued our regression even further back to our childhood.

...And I was enjoying every minute of it because I was with my bestfriend and Heather. Frankly there is no one else in the world that I could do this with.

Once we entered Disney, we had another surprise for my bestfriend.

I had secretly invited another one of our friend's from childhood and my buddy from my bartending days, Tara to join us at the Magic Kingdom. She showed up and pinched my Bestfriend from behind.

She spun around and screamed out in surprise.

The three of us had not been together for so many years, it was an incredible reunion.

As we walked through Disney's Mainstreet. Heather was stopped by the Barbershop Quartet. It was her birthday and she was given a special pin at the entrance. They sang Happy Birthday to her in the center of the park... She was blushing and laughing.

Unfortunately we saw dark storm clouds looming over Cinderella's castle...

and it wasn't long before an immense downpour..

When the weather cleared my bestfriend caught sight of her favorite character and broke into a run...

No Pooh isn't leaning over with stomach pains, he's holding his belly and laughing...

I think.

There was a Country Bear Jamboree hoe down in the middle of everything. All I could think was how those bears looked completely drunk and positively terrifying... Am I the only one that thinks this?

The best part was the fireworks at the end of the night. I've been to Disney World twice before in my life. Once at age 14, and another time at age 19. We had never stayed long enough to see the fireworks display.

For the first time I saw it and this time with two of my closest friends in the world. Two people I never imagined I'd ever go to Disney World with... .

Here is a small video clip I took of the fireworks

Unfortunately my battery died just before the grand finale. There is another person on Youtube that DID catch it on film. I'm posting their video too because it really WAS spectacular especially for those who have never seen it.

Afterwards We bid a sad farewell to Tara (who seriously made my day by showing up!) and We drove home, My bestfriend was exhausted and weak but smiling. She had dialysis at 4:30 A.M.

But it was truly an amazing and unforgettable experience. In all honesty, Disney World in itself isn't all that spectacular, it's really who you are with that makes it great.

I sound so sappy, but I'm really happy to be here in Florida....I can't help it.

To be continued. ...

Florida Roadtrip - Day 1 and 2

2006-10-03T13:47:00.000-04:00

I haven't updated in a while because I was away on a road trip to Florida to visit my bestfriend.

I couldn't mention it in this photoblog because my bestfriend reads this and I didn't want to ruin the surprise. She didn't know I was coming. Now I'm back in New York and I have a lot of pictures from the trip. I documented the entire experience through pictures and journal entries. I'll post one a day for the rest of this week.

It was the longest road trip I ever took in my entire life...

*****

September 23rd, 2006 - Day 1

At 12:00 P.M. Saturday morning, Eric gave me a final goodbye kiss before heading off to work. "Stay safe", He whispered "Be careful...it's a long drive, don't push yourself. I know you want to drive 22 hours straight into Florida, but if you need to stop. Please stop. I'm going to miss you so much..."

He held me against him so tightly as though he would never see me again, he touched my face with both hands and gave me a final kiss. I assured him I would return alive and that we would see eachother again in a week. He still appeared worried and didn't want to let go of my hand. I wished he could come with me...

At 12:45 My friend Heather pulled up the driveway. I threw all my luggage into the trunk and jumped into the car. We picked up her cousin, Michael and we hit the road by 1:15.

(picture taken by Michael)

I was filled with excitement, sitting indianstyle in the backseat with the essentials resting on my lap.

Sunglasses, Energy drink and a cellphone to keep in touch with my family and Eric.

Yes..that's right...I have a cellphone now. I actually caved in and purchased one a few days before this trip. After 12 years of hating Cellphones with a passion, I realized I couldn't go a week without having contact with Eric. It was time to join the rest of civilization and buy one. Stranger things HAVE happened....

After hours of sitting in the car with the windows open, listening to music, talking and laughing..landmarks seemed to whizz by in blur. Signs, lights, cars... The steady sway of the car caused me to drift off into sleep a few times.

I also watched the landscape change..

Eventually the sunset...

(photo taken by Michael)

(photo taken by Michael)

We hit North Carolina...the Greeting sign wasn't too impressive

South Carolina on the other hand...

We made a stop at 2:30 A.M. at South of the Border

It was empty...but the lights were still flashing. It looked like an abandoned amusement park with huge 10 foot statues of Mexicans towering overhead

We wandered around. Michael couldn't figure out if this shop was open or closed...

Eventually at 3:30 A.M., we realized we couldn't make it the whole way. We hadn't even hit Georgia yet... but Michael was swerving off the road and Heather was nodding off. I could barely keep my eyes open. We stopped at a Motel 8 on the side of the road. The old woman behind the reception desk had a drawling southern accent and moved as slow as a snail. Eventually we received a key for a motel room...

The bed was so comfortable... after Michael finished playing his Bloody Mary games in the dark in a hotel room filled with Mirrors, we all crashed.

September 24th, 2006 - Day 2

We woke up just in time to check out...

We threw our luggage back into the car and hit the road again at 10 A.M.

Finally we reached the promised land...

The weather was warm...the palm trees swayed in the slight breeze. I felt anticipation welling up in my stomach because I knew I would be seeing my bestfriend soon. We had reached our destination and her house was right around the corner.

When we arrived, she was still sleeping. We entered her bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed in the dark room and gently woke her up. She didn't register it was me until she turned on the lights.

It was so amazing to see her again and every minute of that long road trip was worth it. To see her surprised smile, hug her and be reunited with my bestfriend again after 6 years!

Once she got over the shock, we all went out for dinner. My bestfriend, her cousins, Heather, and Michael.

Afterwards we all drank Jagerbombs, laughed and talked until the early morning hours. It felt like a dream. I had to keep pinching myself to confirm that it was real. I really did make it to Florida and I really am seeing my bestfriend again.

Tomorrow we're heading to Orlando to go to Pleasure Island and Disney world...

To be continued....

Dreaming

2006-09-19T07:38:00.000-04:00

*****
*****

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."

****

Lately I've been having a hard time sleeping at night.

When I finally manage to fall asleep, I end up having the strangest dreams. They're all vivid and surreal, with certain images that stay in my head for days.

One dream sticks out the most. I woke up on the backyard deck and was confronted with a set of feet. A girl was standing still in front of me with a white dress moving slightly in the wind. When I looked up, I couldn't make out her face. There was an eclipse and the sun was slowly being encased in darkness.

I wonder what the meaning behind that dream is...

****

"Be not afraid of going slowly; be only afraid of standing still."

A message to my friends: I'm sorry for being such a stranger this past month. I've been working through some issues. I think I'm about ready to emerge from this depressive shell and open up again. I realize the only way to change my situation is to get myself together. It's just been a difficult time for me.

I'm sorry for not being there.

Fall

2006-09-18T09:32:00.000-04:00

*****

"The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall....

...So go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different from the ground."

****

The Lake

2006-09-11T13:12:00.000-04:00

I haven't updated for a while because I haven't had anything uplifting or meaningful to write about. I try to avoid being whiney or depressing in this photoblog, so when I don't have anything positive to say... I tend to not update at all.

To be honest I've been in a bit of slump. I've been struggling and feeling unhappy with my life. Things haven't been going all that well lately.

But I'm working on changing that, keeping the right perspective and turning things around. It just doesn't always happen overnight.

On a more cheerful note, I went to a lake close to our house the other day. It was a beautiful sunny day and it was really relaxing. Here's a few photos that were taken...

When I dropped a piece of bread in the lake, a bunch of fish began moving under the surface and pulled it under rapidly, tearing it into bits and devouring it.

Natural History

2006-09-03T14:39:00.000-04:00

On Friday we took an early train into Manhattan.

I love mornings in the city. The sky was overcast and there was a cool breeze. We decided to walk the 43 blocks from Penn Station to Central Park. These were some photos taken during the walk.

Construction workers during their lunchbreak

An indie movie being filmed on the steps to the entrance of Central park

We relaxed on the Central Park benches with cups of coffee and just talked.

Outside the Museum of Natural History

It's been years since I went to this Museum. I have a lot of memories from my childhood. It was my favorite museum to visit and it always fascinated me. Eric went here only once before at age 4 during a trip to America with his mother.

We left at six and took the Subway back to Penn Station

I fell asleep on the train ride with my head resting against Eric's shoulder and his arm around me. It was a relaxing day trip. I wish we could have more days like this.

Cemetery

2006-08-31T14:16:00.000-04:00

"I could not count the times during the average day when something would come up that I needed to tell him, ... This impulse did not end with his death.

....What ended was the possibility of response."

-Joan Didion

****

It's been a while since I went.

Mostly because it's too painful and I don't like the cemetery.

It's around the corner from my house. The *only* thing that's walking distance in the residential area we live in.

This time my youngest sister wanted to tag along. She rode beside me on her pink scooter.

"Whose grave are you visiting, again?"

"My ex-boyfriend"

"Did I ever meet him?"

"Yes, You wouldn't remember him. You were only 3 years old the last time you saw him but he used to make you giggle".

Amber squinted her eyes and stared off into space. I could see she was trying to form a mental image in her mind of his face and was coming up blank.

"What did he look like?"

"Dark brown hair, warm big brown eyes and he was tall. He had a great smile...He was my first love".

"How did he die?"

I didn't answer. I was trying to find the right words to explain but I didn't need to. She remembered.

"But Why?" She asked after a long silence

"I don't know"

"Did you cry alot?"

"yes"

"Do you still miss him?"

"yes"

"Why is that pile of dirt there?"

"It's an open grave...don't get too close to the edge"

"They throw the body in that hole?"

"the body is put in a casket and then lowered into the hole with a machine"

We reached him.

I put a single daisy on his grave and ran my finger over the carved letters of his name. My sister watched in silence.

We walked home together.

During the walk my sister told me about the last sleepover party she went to. Her voice filled with youth, innocence and cheerfulness. "So THEN we found this frog behind the pool! A real frog! It was so small and brown and Andrea said..."

*****

"Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean."
-David Searls

"Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other."
-Leo F. Buscaglia

Blame it on the Rain

2006-08-29T14:23:00.001-04:00

"This is an epidemic!"

That's what I cried out when I entered our bedroom and saw yet another huge Daddy long legs right next to the light switch. I moved my hand away quickly and involuntarily shivered.

"Well, there has been an unusual increase in spiders lately in our bedroom... but I would hardly call it an epidemic", Eric laughed, scooping up the 4th huge spider off the wall and taking it outside. The 4th time in the past few days. They keep getting larger and larger...

I was going to post some more life size spider shots, but my last photograph didn't receive a warm reception. I wont put my friends through that again. So instead here's two small blurry thumbnails of the most recent culprits.

I can't figure out where they are coming from and how they're getting in. The slits in the air conditioner? Why are they just in OUR room and no other room in the house? I know I'm going to wake up one of these mornings with a massive spider crawling up my face and I can tell you right now that I wont handle it well. .

And yes, yes I know .... they don't bite and they're supposed to symbolize good luck..Spiders are our "friends"...etc etc.

I'm coming to term with my new roommates... I just can't stop the goosebumps from spreading over my body at the sight of those eight long quivering legs

Maybe it's all the rain lately.....Perhaps the spiders are seeking shelter in our bedroom? There is one in the corner of the room right now watching me type this and Eric isn't here to escort it outside. They're taking over...

**********

The weather has been horrible over the past few days. Damp, cold and wet. We were planning on taking a trip into the city yesterday but we woke up to the sound of rain pounding down on the roof. I peered out the window and could barely see my neighbors house through the sheets of rain. So much for Central Park...

On top of that, Eric was feeling sick.

He spent the day in bed, and I rested beside him stroking his hair. I was so worried about him.

His fever has subsided today.

****

I finally opened a flickr account (HERE). It took me 2 years of people telling me to sign up before I actually decided to really check it out. I know a lot of my friends also have flickr accounts, please share your URL with me so I can add you to my contact list and view your photo albums. I'm still trying to figure out how it all works. ...

A day off

2006-08-26T23:16:00.000-04:00

Someone left a comment complaining that I only post pictures of my husband and I'm never in any of the shots. I prefer to remain the elusive blogger and just use photography to show every day life through my eyes.

However sometimes I make exceptions, there you go....

Today Eric had the day off. We went shopping together. That's a photograph of him trying on a pair of jeans. (As you can see, I just snuck into the men's dressing room with him.).

Afterwards we were in the mood for German food and Eric was feeling a bit homesick. There are very few places here where I live that serves anything remotely similar to a traditional German meal. We ended up at Boston Market. Close enough...

I realize that my new camera has a movie video recording function. I tried it out in the car on our way to a Second Hand shop after lunch. This one is for All-on-Paper ;)

***video will be back up soon****

Okay, I know what's running through your mind after viewing that clip. You're thinking: "Clarity your videos *really* suck." Alright Yes. This is true. But In my defense... the footage is so shaky because Eric was pressing on the car brake to the beat of "Laura" by the Scissor Sisters, causing me to rock back and forth. Hey it's a start....It's a fifteen second intimate glimpse into our daily life.

At the second hand shop I bought this for only 2.99:

It was my favorite movie from 10 years ago. I loved it so much in highschool that I had convinced the owner of our local video store to sell me the official rental copy off the shelf for 15 dollars. He sold it under the table. In college we watched it in my dorm room so many times that it had lines running through the middle of it. Eventually my Senior year I lent it to a friend and she lost it. I never saw it again... When I stumbled on this video today at the second hand shop I was thrilled. Does it anyone remember this film?

Eric and I are going to curl up together on the sofa and watch it right now. So I'm off...

I'll leave you with this. The creepiest looking porcelain doll I've ever seen.

It was about 4 feet tall (like a life size Linda Blair replica) and resided in the antique section of the shop. It was priced at 50 dollars, and it's purple eyes seemed to follow me around the store. Certain porcelain dolls are up there with Clowns on the creep out scale in my book. I'm sure it's head spins entirely around when no one is watching. Who would buy that thing?

Spider

2006-08-25T15:38:00.000-04:00

Arachnophobia is a specific phobia, a fear of spiders. With an estimated half of all women, and one fourth of all men in the United States, it is among the most common of phobias.

"...Recent studies of spider phobia indicate that fear of spiders is closely associated with the disease-avoidance response of disgust. It is not immediately clear how spiders might have become associated with this response, although examination of the relevant historical literature does indicate a close association between spiders and illness in European cultures from tenth century onward. The development of this association between spiders and illness appears to be closely linked to the many devastating and inexplicable epidemics that crossed Europe from the Middle Ages onwards. Spiders were found in great numbers in the same areas of the house where rats lived. The fleas on these rats were actually the carriers of the plague. Not the spiders but the fear was passed down through our culture."

Eric doesn't understand why the sight of that spider (actual size) caused goosebumps to shoot up my arms this morning. I couldn't stop the initial impulse to shrink away when I laid eyes on it. It was too close for comfort and twitching it's legs. Not the first thing I want to see when I first wake up and roll over in bed.

"oh my god...it's huge..", I whispered. I rubbed at my upper arms. I felt like I had to brush off invisible spiders that were beginning to crawl over me.

"It's just a cute Daddy Long Legs, they're harmless"

"that's not cute...look it has fangs"

Eric just laughed. He reached over and let it crawl rapidly onto the palm of his hand.

I jumped back and pressed my body against the wall. "Don't you dare come near me with that thing!"

"What...like this?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

That was my morning.

I don't understand why the sight of any spider evokes terror inside of me and causes no reaction within Eric. His expression doesn't change... He's fearless. I wish I could be the same.

It's pouring right now. The cats love to sit on the windowsill and listen to the rain splashing on the leaves outside. They press their face against the screen. Fiona is making bird sounds again...

A Happy Day!

2006-08-23T11:45:00.000-04:00

I haven't been updating this photoblog as often as I used to with my own pictures because my old camera was on it's last legs and dying. The flash is broken, it's falling apart and pieces are missing. It shuts down for no reason and gives error signs.

I received my Camera two and a half years ago.

It cost 130 dollars and was a scratched floor model. I loved it and carried around with me everywhere. Almost all of the pictures in this photoblog were taken with that camera. The zoom never worked but it didn't matter, I was happy to just have a camera at all. When it started giving me serious problems, I was really upset.

This morning I received a birthday package in the mail from my mother.

When I opened it and saw the contents my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't even move...

I was looking down at my dream camera! A new Sony Cybershot. 6.0 Megapixels, 12x optical zoom and an image stabilizing system. It seemed too good to be true. I had to pinch myself...I was just so happy.

I have a new camera!!

I know to most people this probably doesn't seem like that big of a deal but I've wanted this camera for over a year. I never could afford it (Even though it's reasonably priced) We've just been financially struggling lately.

My Mother is amazing! I can't even begin to say how much gratefulness I feel inside.

I can start taking pictures again!

This is the first one I took with my new camera, just to test it out.

I'm floored by how vibrant the colors are and how clear the image is. I could go on and on about this, but I just wanted to share my good news. Eric feels like it's his birthday too, He's playing with the new camera right now as I type this. We're both like two overjoyed kids with a brand new toy.

This has been such a happy day for me.

********

Today we visited a very familiar home...

My friend from highschool moved to Florida and she's selling her old house. She and I grew up together. I would ride my bike over to her house on the weekends and I spent countless summers there. Her basement was the main hangout for our group of friends.

That house is filled with beautiful memories and it's sad that she's selling it. It's strange to think that she no longer lives there.

Since she's currently in another state. She asked if we could help her fix up the old property a bit for the future owners.

First task: Mowing the lawn

Eric mowed and I walked ahead of him removing all the debri from his path. Branches, Big rocks, and pieces of wood.

Unfortunately it was a more difficult job then we anticipated because the bag kept falling out and the sun was pounding down on us.

But we'll suffer for a good friend...(who just happens to be reading this)...that's how much we love her.

That's a few pictures of Eric after a hard days work on that sweltering front lawn... The hours of toil definitely beat down on him. *as you can see*. No... he didn't ham it up for the camera at all, I swear. :)

We tried to get into the backyard, but the poison ivy and vines prevented us...

see?

I really think my friend shouldn't sell her house and just move back to New York...

we miss her here.

Part Two: Prague

2006-08-22T14:46:00.000-04:00

After Italy (see previous entry) My parents flew to Prague for 5 days. My Mother said that Prague was a completely different world from Italy. It was darker, more moody and the buildings pointy & Jagged. It looks like a city out of an old gothic fairytale. Italy was bright and cheerful with cherubs. Prague had gargoyles.

Here are more photographs taken by my father.

That's the hotel my parents stayed in.

Prague had a lot of statues sitting on the buildings and faces carved in the architecture. There was artwork everywhere.

A soldier standing guard in front of a castle. My father said he was stiff as a rod and stared straight ahead. It wouldn't respond to questions or even flinch.

My Father's dream car. A rare vehicle to see outside of a showroom. (of course he had to take a picture) I'm posting it for my guy friends to see.

This photo made me miss Germany so much, it reminded me of the town we lived in. Prague has a very German feel to it in certain areas.

My father had a safe flight back to Iraq. He called my mother to let her know that he was okay. My Mother misses him so much right now and it was hard for them to separate again after this vacation together.

My father will be leaving Iraq and returning to the states for good (hopefully) in October.

******

One last thing. I have a question and I was hoping someone that reads this could help me out

This is my favorite pillow

It's soft and conforms to the shape of your head. It feels like a big beanie bag and the outside is made of a satin-like material. I can't sleep without it.

The problem is... I have no idea what that symbol means. I assume it's Asian, but I can't find the translation on the internet. I always just figured it means something generic like "good luck" or "fortune". But I just realized it could mean something twisted like "War" or "Hate"

So the question is: Does anyone know the meaning behind the symbol on my pillow??

I take it with me on all my plane flights and had it for a long time... so I'm just really curious.

Part One: Rome, Florence and Venice

2006-08-20T19:36:00.000-04:00

My mother returned from her two week trip to Europe. She said the entire experience felt like a dream. She returned with over 500 photographs.

I've always wanted to travel to Italy, so I found the images fascinating. My father took all of them and he has a unique eye when it comes to photography. I thought I'd share a few of the pictures taken during their vacation.

Rome

This picture was taken during the train ride to Florence.

Florence

Venice

That looks like such a postcard shot. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to see that in real life.

Next stop was Prague. It has such a different feel, I'll just post them in another entry later on this week.

It's nice to have my Mother home again. She's still glowing from this romantic trip with my father.

Full house

2006-08-13T10:41:00.000-04:00

Friday night my friend, Karen threw me a surprise birthday party at our favorite pub. It was such a fun night and completely unexpected. It felt like the "never-ending birthday". Thank you everyone for the birthday greetings.

It's a madhouse here right now. It's kind of like a youth hostile or a "Party of Fve" episode. Instead of five, there are seven of us jammed under one roof. Eric, His friend from Germany, My sister, Laura, Mr. Big, My sister, Amber and my brother, Jay. There is activity going on in every room and a lot of chaos.

Most of the time it's crazy around here, but it's good to be home with my family.

Eric drove into the city and came back with some photos to share.

One last thing... check out PANDORA created by The music genome project. I'm completely addicted to this website. You type in the name of your favorite song and it will pull up artists with similar tonal constructions for you to explore. You create your own unique radio station. There are so many great bands out there that I've never even heard of before. It's entirely free and it's worth clicking. Trust me.

Happy Birthday

2006-08-09T13:33:00.000-04:00

Everyday is someone's Birthday! In fact every day there are 100,000,.000 people who blow out candles, put on a special hat or what ever it is they do, to commemorate the fact, that on that day they were expelled from the womb to start this crazy adventure called life.

Quite a few cultures don't do anything of that sort. Some few million people have no concept of what it means to be "one year older". In fact, it might be quite sensible to not concern oneself with how old one is in terms of years. After all turning 12, or 18, or 30, or 75 seems to be a quite different experience for everyone. People affirm to each other things like: "You are as old as you feel",and yet in a culture like ours the knowledge of which one, one is currently doing, gives rise to lots of stress and even depression due to all kinds of silly folklore attached to the increase of the these numbers. If you ever checked the Hallmark section for Birthday cards for people doing the 50+ thing, you will probably have encountered the an amazing barrage of the most sarcastic, insulting and down-right degrading ways of telling someone "It’s your special day!".

All that aside, I can't help, wanting to make this ONE day, the 24 hours of life, which are unfolding as we speak, into a very, very special celebration. It is not just because a technicality demands that a very special person, can proudly announce a higher number, when being prompted for her age (Even though the fact that she completed another rotation around the sun a journey of roughly 150.000.000 miles is quite an accomplishment.) It is because this person is the most special other I have found in all this Universe (In which, btw. I also travel the distance of 150.000.000 miles per year, so don't tell me I haven't seen a lot of stuff).

It's because- as it is - I cannot express in a single days time, all my appreciation for what it means to me, that she endeavored in this miracle called life right by my side. She cannot possibly know how happy she makes my life, how much her being by my side, changes me day by day, into more and more complete appreciating simply being alive at her side. How her presence, devours my selfishness and eradicates my ego. How something inside her opens my eyes to what some people call God, and others enlightenment. How my life would be nothing like what it is, if she wasn't right here, alive, aging, traveling around the sun, in flesh and blood.

I hope she forgives me for never succeeding very well, in creating a worthy celebration. I am trying, and maybe someday, I'll learn.:)

Happy Birthday My darling!!

Love Always,

Your husband

And now open the stage for Ambers perfect rendition of a not entirely perfect Birthday morning!

Dear C.C,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
This is a picture of your birthday this morning. I hope that you liked the presents! I also hope that you have an ultra fun Birthday sista! I love you very much and thank you for always being nice to me and helping me with everything.

Love, Amber!

Pet Profile: Percy

2006-08-05T16:17:00.000-04:00

I realized that my pet files wouldn't be complete without mentioning our most beloved and well-known member of the family...

Percy.

He's 42 years old..(in dog years) and going through a mild mid-life crisis. He's not the smartest of our pets, but we love him to pieces.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, then you'll already know that he's been in and out of the hospital. He has a problem. He eats everything in sight. Cigarette butts, chocolate cookies, candy and Aspirin. He'll push the kitchen chair across the room to reach the counters, so we can't leave anything within his range.

If you try to remove his "finds" from him, he flips out like a raging lunatic. After he regains his sanity, he whimpers in remorse at his behavior. He just can't help himself.

We have to keep an eye on him.

Otherwise, He is a fun-loving, big-hearted pug and will defend the members of his family to the point of potential death. He's famous on the streets of Manhattan. Passerbys greet him by name and surround him every time he is taken out for a walk. He loves the attention. His tongue hangs out and his tail wags on superspeed. He enjoys wearing outfits and prancing around the house.

Percy is single though and lonely.

He's so desperate that he tries to get it on with the cats. Fiona doesn't seem to mind (and it's disturbing...), but Michael has a serious problem with it. Percy has gotten a few swipes of the claw when he tried to get his groove on.

So as a joke, My sister and I set up a MYSPACE page for him. We hoped it would help him find some "female companions"

CLICK HERE

It's pretty sad when your DOG has more friends on than you do....Who knew there were so many other pugs looking for love out there in Cyberspace?

Now we're trying to teach him to talk.

Here's a clip from David Letterman. He introduced a pug that can say "I love you"

So we thought.. Percy can do that too. We gave it a shot... Here's the footage of my sister trying to teach Percy how to say "I love you"

He has a ways to go. You have to give him credit though... he's really trying. Give him a few weeks. We'll have him speaking full sentences in no time.

****

On further random news. We have a garden in our backyard and it's finally producing vegetables

Here is a photo of our first stunning achievement.

note: It's a cucumber.

On a closing note... My Mother is in Europe right now. My father has leave from Iraq and he was waiting for her in Rome. They are traveling through Rome, Venice, Florence and Prague. It's a two week trip. I'm so happy for her, she's been dreaming about this her whole life

That's all for now.

"Video Killed the Radio Star"

2006-08-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

My earliest memory of MTV was extremely frightening. I refused sleep alone in my bedroom for weeks afterwards. I don't think I'll ever forget it.

I stared at the television with eyes so wide that my mother told my father "I don't think we should be letting Clarity watch this... look at her"

My Father made a motion to turn off the television and I cried out "No! No! I want to see it! I'm okay! I swear!"

yeah right...

Here is that video, If you want a trip down memory lane...

MTV premiered 25 years ago today, August 1st 1981 with the song "Video Killed the Radio Star". New Jersey was the only state that could view this new station but it promised to become world wide.

I stopped watching MTV 10 years ago. Last time I flipped onto that channel, I saw that they didn't actually play music videos anymore. It was just a bunch of trashy reality shows and commercials for cellphone ring tones.

But MTV and I are close in age and I grew up watching it.

This video was my favorite, I was a young girl when it came out but it left a strong impression on me. Does anyone else remember it?

I suddenly feel very old.

Happy Birthday MTV

...even though you are past your prime and haven't improved with age.

Shoulder pains

2006-07-31T17:12:00.000-04:00

I'm not feeling so hot at the moment. There is something wrong with my arm and I can't lift it. It could be a pinched nerve, a pulled muscle or a back problem. I'm in a lot of pain.

I don't have much to say. I've been resting a lot. It's hard to do simple activities that I used to do.

I don't have any photographs to share... but luckily My 11 year old sister, Amber decided to provide illustrations for today's entry.

That's me trying to lift my arm. She drew that on the computer. She always amazes me with her artistic abilities.

She also illustrated what I will look like by the end of the week... (in the hospital apparently)

This had me cracking up... Green polka-dot granny undies, shirt falling off, and shaking? For some reason there is a needle resting on a fancy pillow next to the bed. I can't imagine what that is supposed to be for.

Looks like I have a bumpy ride ahead of me.

If I don't update by the end of the week, I guess you can assume I look like that drawing.

Garden State

2006-07-26T20:18:00.000-04:00

When I returned to America I felt kind of out of touch. I wanted to catch up with some of the U.S. Television series that I had missed during my time in Europe. My Father owns the collectors box set of The Sopranos Season 1-5. I had read positive reviews about it and I love The Godfather trilogy. One night curiosity got the best of me and I popped the first DVD into the player.

Eric and I are now completely hooked. We're currently in the middle of Season 2.

So when I found out last week that the ship from Germany had arrived and we would have to pick up our belongings in New Jersey, I was sort of looking forward to the road trip. I'd never visited The Garden state and "The Sopranos" is filmed there. I wanted to hear a real "Jersey Accent" and visit "the home state of Tony Soprano"

Jersey gets a bad rap and is referred to by negative nicknames. (I.e. "The Toilet Bowl State" and "The Cancer Capital") I wanted to see for myself.

We pulled all the back seats out of the mini-van for storage space and hit the road at 10 A.M. on Tuesday.

Once we went over the Verazzano Bridge and passed the last New York exit... we were greeted with our first glimpse of the New Jersey landscape.

We pulled into our exit and drove down the streets of New Jersey. I had brought my camera because I wanted to take some snapshots of the architecture and the local areas. At first glance... I have to admit, it doesn't look so appealing.

However, there is a feeling of history, a worn down industrial quality and realness to it. The roads were broken up, the shingles falling off the houses and the businesses looking like they're from the 1950's

I loved it. As an artist, I wished I lived closer so I could take my canvas out onto the street and paint the homes, the abandoned buildings and the peeling paint revealing the bricks underneath.

That's Eric. He looked around and laughed "when we have kids I'll keep them in check by threatening them with: "If you keep this up.. I'm gonna send you to New Jersey!"

I think we were just in a bad part of town, after all... it's probably called "The Garden State" for a reason.

After going to visit Customs to clear our documents...and then traveling to another office to pay all these additional charges for the x-raying...etc. we went to get a bite to eat in a hole in the wall Italian sandwich shop. The place was only half-painted and the door was hanging off the kitchen entrance, but the food was great.

Next stop was the storage place at the harbor to pick up our belongings.

It was loud, hot, dirty and crowded. There were men everywhere with dirt smudged faces and wife beater t-shirts. They arrived with huge storage trucks and were loading their goods from the platform. I was the only girl there and I felt out of place when they looked me over. I held onto Eric's hand.

We had yet MORE additional fees to pay and then we were instructed to back up our truck into the loading dock.

When they saw us ease into an available spot with our tiny mini-van, some of the workers started laughing. It wasn't even high enough to reach the platform. It stood out like a tiny little sore thumb. Apparently this was a commercial storage area.

The forklift arrived with our two 6 ft tall cartons on pallets containing our belongings. Way too large to fit into our mini-van. The situation looked grim. The man with the forklift accessed our situation and murmured "uh...good luck with that…"

So we tore open the cartons with a knife and started separating everything. We began to place it all carefully into the mini-van, like putting together a complex jig saw puzzle. We managed to barely squeeze it all inside and close the van.

We headed home... with my seat pushed so far up that I was kissing the windshield and my knees were pulled up to my chest. Good times. Eric looks less than thrilled in this shot because this was in front of us....

Bumper to bumper traffic.... the entire drive home.

But.... We have all of our belongings again! Everything that I posted in THIS ENTRY 4 months ago in Germany is now in our garage in New York..... FINALLY

I realized I haven't been to many states in the U.S., Here is a sad map of the places I've visited in my lifetime.

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Not too impressive. I'm so eager to travel to more countries in Europe when I haven't even explored much of my own home country yet

A night to remember

2006-07-23T13:37:00.000-04:00

I usually carry my camera with me everywhere....

But the one time I wished I had it the most... is (of course) the one time I didn't have it on me. But maybe that was meant to be. This way I would be entirely in the moment and absorbing the experience. Instead of trying to record it and viewing it behind the lens of a camera.

Yesterday was a complete surprise.

Ever since Fiona Apple's debut album back in 1996, I loved her music. Her lyrics carried me through some of my darkest and happiest moments. For 10 years I wanted to see her live on stage, but I didn't have any expectations of this actually occuring. When I discovered that she would be performing in New York on June 22nd 7:30 P.M., I started trying to figure out a way to make it happen.

But with no tickets to this concert and extremely limited finances. It didn't look like it would be happening. The lowest price for a ticket available online started at 75 dollars a piece. (way out of my price range)

That didn't stop me from leaving the house on a whim at 7:15 yesterday with my sister, Laura and Eric with the hopes of just HEARING it. I knew that Nikon theater was open air and that the music drifted over Jones Beach. You can hear it over the sounds of the crashing surf. I was content to just stand outside, close my eyes and pretend I was inside. I figured we could drink, sing along and walk across the shore. It could be a once and a lifetime opportunity. Who is to say when she would tour again and even if she would? It seemed crazy, since it was pouring rain. We knew we had a long drive to look forward to and dark threatening clouds loomed overhead.

I didn't care if it WAS crazy, I had my mind set. Carpe Diem.

Damien Rice was the opening act and when we arrived he was wrapping up his performance. I could hear the violins and his gentle voice as soon as we stepped out of the car at 8:25 P.M., The rain had stopped.

"Maybe we should just see if there are any tickets available..." I said to Eric "Just check out the prices.."

That's when we were approached by a family group led by two older men with dark hair. "Do you need tickets?", the man asked "I have 2 tickets... best seats in the house. They're worth a hundred each. Those friends didn't show, We're about to go in right now... I don't want to miss Fiona. This is her stepfather." He pointed to the man beside him. The man smiled kindly.

I have to confess. I was skeptical. I didn't want to be played for a fool. My sister muttered with a smirk "oh yeah, I'm friends with Fiona too.."

"Are those real tickets?", I gazed down at the crumpled up "e-tickets" printed out from the internet. It looked like a scam to me.

"Yes, It would be shame for them to go to waste." Fiona's "Stepfather" said. "We'll walk in with you, but if you want them... you'll have to go in now."

"But we're a group of three", I said protectively taking Eric's hand. "I'm not leaving him out of the loop"

"I'm afraid I only have 2 tickets" He said shaking his head regretfully. "Nevermind, I figured I would give it a shot. We have to head in now"

Eric quickly said "Would you take 20$ each for those 2 tickets?"

"Yes, sure", Fiona's stepfather responded "That would be fine but I really need to go in now. I can't miss this show.."

"Eric we're not leaving you!", I interjected

"Clarity.." Eric said looking into my eyes. "Take those two tickets, You and your sister go inside. I will meet you in there. Just go. Don't let this once and a lifetime opportunity go to waste."

I hesitated. "No..we'll just wait for 3 tickets and then-"

"GO!", Eric urged.

I gave him a passionate kiss and he squeezed my arm with a smile. We followed the men behind the gates, into the concert arena. Then we thanked them and we separated.

"We're in!!!", I was still in a state of disbelief. I didn't even imagine getting in at all..and not for such a cheap price. It seemed a little too good to be true. "Okay... let's see where these *supposed* "best seats in the house" are actually located"

We found the right section, and we were greeted by Guard after Guard. Each one directed us closer and closer to the stage. I gave my sister a side-long glance of surprise. The final guard led us directly up to the stage..in the CENTER...and placed us in the second row. We sat down in utter shock. Never in my life was I this close in a concert... Damien Rice was performing his last song. He was only feet away from us..we had a clear view of him up close, the entire stage.. This was V.I.P.!

At the start of Intermission Fiona's stepfather approached us. "Do you like the seats?"

I was speechless. I started thanking him and expressing my shock. He smiled "Enjoy the show" and went to the aisle across from us.

It's hard to even describe my euphoria...I can't. I thought I was dreaming...

Fiona Apple came onto the stage slowly. Her head was down, hair hanging over her face and she was in shadow. She walked timidly and sat down in front of the piano. She cleared her throat like a mouse... Everyone was silent.

Then she began to slam her powerful fingers down on the piano with such force and passion. Her Gusty voice carried. It was windy outside, (the remnants of the passing storm) and her hair flew around her face. She trembled when she sang and she put her entire heart into it. It was so raw..She didn't just play her piano, she hammered it, beat it, slammed it.

When she stood up to the microphone, she had such a presence. Her dress was moving with the wind and she was only 5 or 6 feet away. She screamed like Janis Joplin, whipped her microphone cord back and forth. She danced like a teenager does in their bedroom when they think no one is watching. Head back, arms out...thrashing, kicking...with her eyes closed. She fell to the floor and slammed it with her fists. Sometimes she was fluid in her movements and almost in slow motion but othertimes she was jerking, shaking and raging. It was spontaneous, real, in the moment and emotional outbursts. When she sang about joy...you felt it it. When she sang about sorrow...you felt your own chest ache. You couldn't tear your eyes away, you couldn't even breath.

The passion and pain in her voice brought tears to my eyes. To see her performing live all these songs that accompanied the events in my life..

I was a teenager again..and then I was in college again..I was re-living the pain of my first break up..the flush of first love.. the agony of death...Her performance was heartstopping. It was like witnessing a breakdown and witnessing ecstacy. We were so close that I thought I have to be watching this on T.V or I was hallucinating. It was surreal. (Dom witnessed Fiona Apple performing in the same tour earlier this season in Chicago, Click here to read his entry on the experience)

But the moment that really knocked the wind out of me was this..

She began talking to the audience..and she said "Tonight is a special night for me. Someone very special and dear to me is in the Audience today. My Stepfather is here. Please cheer for him"

She called out to him, and sure enough...Our ticket seller answered her, with a pet name "Feanut". She started laughing and pointed to him. "There you are!"

Laura and I slowly turned to eachother in shock. It WAS her stepfather!

She made references to him all through out the rest of the show.

At the end of the show, Her stepfather called out to us. "You didn't believe me, did you?", He teased.

I smiled at him. I pressed my hand over my heart and cried out "THANK YOU". Then I blew him a kiss with both hands. He smiled back. It just goes to show you, sometimes you have to trust in the good of people and believe.

Then we headed out.

We met up with Eric outside (It turns out: He was able to see the show as well and enjoyed it, but he was seated in a different section) "WHAT?! wait a minute...So that really WAS Fiona's stepfather and he spoke to you afterwards?! Why didn't you hang out with him and go backstage to meet her!? He would have taken you, He seemed like such a cool guy! I can't believe you blew that opportunity to meet your favorite singer!"

"I wanted to get back to you. An experience like that wouldn't have felt right without you, besides I'm happy I was able to see that concert. THAT close..it was a dream come true. I didn't need more. I haven't felt this happy in a long time."

But all the praise Fiona Apple heaped on her Stepfather rang true. He's a wonderful man and he made it possible for me to have the time of my life.

Thank you Robert.

My sister and I used to listen to Fiona Apple in her bedroom. We would sing along, drink, talk about life and sometimes just lay on the floor. We grew up together with her music and this meant a lot to both of us.

These haven't been the easiest times for us lately, but I think this marks the beginning of a turn around. The bliss from last night's concert hasn't faded, even though it's the next day. I realize I'm here in New York for a reason. My experience here is important.

It's been a really rocky road, But when all is said and done....It's good to be home.
.

Pet Files: Fiona

2006-07-17T14:31:00.000-04:00

This is Fiona:

For a long time I simply called her "Evil Cat" and the name fit.

About 2 and a half years ago my brother's ex-girlfriend bought her into the house. She was a stray kitten from an animal shelter. We were just going to nurse her back to health and return her to the shelter for adoption. My youngest sister fell in love with her and she ended up staying in my family's home.

She had this habit of hiding under the bed while you were sleeping. I would wake up in the morning, drop my feet over the edge of the bed and a little black paw with gleaming claws would swipe me. The scratches on my ankles bled and swelled up. She stalked everyone in the house like a little panther. She hid only in the shadows and waited to pounce. It was unsettling.

Once I was on the computer and she lept at me from across the room. She dug her claws into my back and slid down. I started screaming in pain. Everyone in the house has battle scars on their body from Fionna.

As she grew out of her "Mischevious Kitten years", she began to calm down a bit. She stopped hunting us. She began to cautiously approach members of the household while purring and looked at us with wide accepting eyes. We would pet her and as long as we didn't touch her stomach, she wouldn't scratch. But the minute our finger grazed over an area that she didn't want (which changed on a daily basis), she would extract the claws or bite.

I can actually lift her up now and she doesn't attack me. However, she still has a number of issues.

1. She's skittish and fearful. If you approach her, she will bolt away. She moves so fast away that she often crashes into the wall trying to escape even though we're just trying to pet her nicely. How do you get a cat to trust you? Did anyone else have a pet like this? How did you overcome their fears and build a bond? How can you get a cat to relax? There must be a way.

2. She still scratches and bites. Is there anyway to train her not to do this without having to remove her claws? She doesn't attack guests or anything. She mostly hides in corners from them, but at night she has been known to chew on our feet. (and it's not the greatest way to wake up)

Fiona was discovered as a helpless newborn kitten on the side of the road crying. Apparently the litter had been abandoned by the mother or the previous owner I know her behavior has a lot to do with her background.

She gets along fine with Michael. In fact, One night we heard her screaming at the bathroom window. These extremely loud cat sobs. When we opened the front door, Michael came in. He was soaking wet from the rain. Apparently he had wandered out when the backdoor was left open and was accidentally locked out. She alerted the entire household of this. She is extremely attached to him.

She also has a "special" relationship with Percy, but I'll get into that another time.....

*this is a rare close up candid shot of Fionna. It was difficult to get. It required moving extremely slowly and easing up the camera over the edge of the sofa soundlessly. It's a one shot deal with her. The minute she hears the click, she bolts.*

Her unique cat talent:. In the early morning hours, she sits by the kitchen windows watching the birds and makes bird sounds. She actually chirps. It's the weirdest thing.

*****

Thank you for your advice on Michael (see previous entry). I wrote all the suggestions down and I'm going to try them all. I really appreciate that. I'll let you know how that goes.

The one suggestion we received the most was to take a waterbottle and spray him when he tries to knock over a cup.

We tried this years ago and discovered that it didn't help at all. In fact, he enjoyed it. He leaned towards the nuzzle and turned around so we could get his back as well. He loves water and he tends to step into the shower with us. We have to shoo him out. I told you that he's strange.

Pet Files: Michael

2006-07-15T20:31:00.000-04:00

That's Michael

6 years ago Eric and I were sitting in his dorm room apartment in Florida and this kitty was tossed inside.

He was just a kitten at the time. He wobbled on his feet and fell over in front of us. He was simply this tiny ball of fur with big eyes. It was like a crawling and trembling little gray dust mop

"I heard you wanted a cat", The girl said (I couldn't tell you her name, because I never found out) "This was a part of our litter, I call him Mika. He's a little...slow. *one second pause* I have to head to class now. Bye"

And that was it. We never saw her again and we had a new pet kitten.

He became our baby and we named him Michael. Growing up I always wanted a pet cat, but I wasn't allowed to have one. This was a dream come true. Eric never had a cat before either so we were beginner parents. We watched as he ran into glass doors, fell off shelves and drank out of our cups. He was different from other cats.

He slept in bed with us, rolled on his back and purred as we pet his belly. He never scratches or bites. When he wants attention, he just taps you gently with his paw.

But like every pet in this house, He has some issues. I know that a lot of my friends reading this also have cats. So maybe you can offer some advice.

1. He knocks over any and every glass of liquid in the house. If there is a vase filled with flowers, He will tip it over with his paw. He knocked over my sister's fishtank and we found him watching the flopping fish gasping on the counter. If you leave a cup on the table and walk away...he will knock it over. We've yelled and screamed at him. He just runs off and then stares at us from the corner in confusion. I don't know what to do about this.

2. He overeats and then throws up. He just eats and eats. We have two cats and sometimes he will devour both servings. Then 20 minutes later, he's hacking it up. It appears that he's bulimic. (?) I'm really worried about him. This is a new development. It's been going on for about 5 or 6 months. Maybe it's because he is getting older and needs a different kind of food. I just wish I knew a remedy for this. I tried feeding him less and that didn't work.

3. He has long long hair. Despite brushing him every day, sometimes twice a day... he sheds. Everywhere. It's a lot of vacuuming on a constant basis.

Any advice? He gets so much love...well, at least from Eric and I. (the rest of my family never really warmed up to him) He seems so content all of the time.

Another one of Michael's distinct characteristics is his penetrating stare. He will just stare at you and never break the gaze. You have to look away first.

When I get out of the shower, he intensely observes me from the windowsill. When I'm eating I glance up and there is Michael watching. At night, I open my eyes and see him staring from the other side of the room. Unblinking. Our guests always say "Um..you pet cat followed me into the bathroom and watched me the whole time I was on the crapper. Kind of freaked me out." I wish I could read the mind of our cat.

Even though Michael has his share of strange quirks. Eric and I couldn't imagine our life without him

My View of Life

2006-07-12T16:34:00.000-04:00

Here is an older entry from my diary. It was written in Germany on April 11th 2005.

******

Nightmare54 asked me capture my whole "view of life" in a photo.

This is it.

I know what you're thinking. "But Clarity, That's just some homeless person ..how depressing."

Since this isn't your standard picture of a beautiful butterfly or a rainbow to represent life, I guess I need to explain.

Last week I was in town during lunch break and I decided to stop at the Potato Kiosk and buy some wedges with sour cream and Asian salsa to go. It's a little treat I like to give myself sometimes. The wedges are warm, crispy on the outside and soft inside. The sauce is amazing and it comes with this snazzy little colorful fork.There is always a long line to wait on because it's a popular spot.

I sat down on the bench in the center of the city and just decided to enjoy the warm weather while eating my meal.

This homeless woman came up and started rummaging through the trashcan to the right of me. She was searching for food and mumbling to herself quietly how hungry she was.

I was in the middle of taking my first bite and the wedge was only inches from my lips. I gazed over at her and then at my wedges.

I felt this tug on my heart looking at her going through the trash. She glanced over at me briefly and I saw that look of real hunger in her eyes. It was a look I have never had on my own face. I've never seriously gone hungry before in my entire existance. Even when we were broke, we always had some kind of food. (Even if it was only Ramen noodles). I also know that if things ever got really bad, my mother is only a phone call away. She would wire me money at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't have to search through a garbage can, averting my eyes from the stares of passerbys.

This woman didn't have that luxury.

I handed her my potato wedges. "here, you can have this..", I told her in German

She took it gratefully. "Oh god bless you. You have many wonderful things heading towards you in life. I see this, you know. I see this.", she said smiling. Then she walked over to a little spot next to the staircase leading into the underground tram station. She sat down and began to scoop the wedges rapidly into her mouth, barely stopping to breath.

I returned to the office because I couldn't afford to buy more wedges and compared to her..I wasn't that hungry.

Today, I was in town again heading to the post office to send out another card for Colleen when I heard

"Blond girl!! Blond girl!!"

I turned and saw the homeless woman sitting in that same spot. She was gesturing for me to come over.

I approached her and she pointed to the camera slung around my neck. "You can take a picture of me", she said.

"I don't have anything to give you today", I said regretfully. "I'm sorry..My pockets are empty"

"No no..it's free. No money", she said brushing my last sentence away with her hand. "I want you to take a picture of me..for other people to see. You understand what I mean, don't you?"

I didn't.

But I nodded anyway.

I snapped 3 photos. She started to laugh and then began to sing softly. She seemed so happy in that moment..

The sound of her singing followed me when I waved goodbye and continued on my way to the post office.

Now you could just dismiss this woman as your average "crazy Schizo homeless bum"

But I think it goes a little deeper than that. She was singing and she was laughing despite her circumstances. She has NOTHING and she's still smiling. She's appreciating life and she's in the moment. Some of the wealthiest people in the world can't even do that. She figured something out, a secret that she's privy to. The meaning of life, the meaning of happiness. Life is fleeting and you have to just be happy whereever you are right now. Even if it's not the life you imagined.

Also My view in life is to give as much as you can, whenever you can because whatever you put out there will come back to you in life. Sometimes it's hard to suspend judgment, sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in a drama, sometimes it's frustrating to stop for someone in need because you have somewhere to go. Sometimes it's scary to give too much.

I don't have much money or many material items to give. I just have myself, so I open up and share that here. Sometimes that's scary, because I'm opening myself up for judgment and putting myself out for others to see my flaws. That sometimes leaves me feeling very vulnerable. But when someone leaves me an E-mail saying that their friend is also suffering from Lupus, they have a loved one in jail or a relative overseas in Iraq, that something I said they could relate with or made them feel less alone in their own struggles. Then I realize it's worth it.

I would be writing this even if noone were reading because I've kept diaries all my life, the difference is that this one isn't wedged inbetween my mattress but out there for the world to see. You can read it if you choose to, if you don't agree with my views..you have the choice to stop clicking on this journal link.

I keep thinking back to that encounter with that woman today. I remember turning around and seeing her smiling. People were moving past her rapidly with tense expressions and wearing business suits. They were in a rush to get back to the office from their lunch breaks, looking stressed and unaware of their surroundings. There she was in the center, without a home and surrounded by trash..but she was singing. She was in the moment.

I think I understand what she meant now.

Here is her picture, I'm posting it in my diary.."for everyone to see".

(This was taken a moment before she burst out laughing.)

Look into her eyes. That's my view of life.

Butterflies are free

2006-07-11T10:57:00.000-04:00

Have you ever received a gift that moved you to the point of tears?

My friend Karen dropped by the other day and gave me this:

It's my favorite book. I owned this once in my life when I was 18. I found it at a thrift shop. I lost it and wasn't able to get it again. It's discontinued. Karen managed to find the first printed edition from 1969. I held it in my hands in disbelief and started crying. (which probably wasn't the response she was expecting). I was just so touched and it meant so much to me to have it again. Somehow she knew exactly what it was that I really needed right now. A reminder of who I am and what I want from life. This is a book about love. It's about overcoming personal boundaries and letting go of your fears.

Thank you Karen. Thank you for pulling the paintbrush out of my hand and getting me out of the house. Thank you for being my friend and lifting me up when I was down.

Everyone has been so caring and understanding. I appreciate all of my friends online and offline even when I can't find the words to express it adequately. I just haven't really been myself lately. I'm sorry. This hasn't been the easiest adjustment for us. It's hard to return to your hometown again after over 8 years. I know I've been difficult to reach. When I get into a slump, I distance myself from everyone until I can work through it on my own.

But I'm coming around.

I've been busy this past week. I'm in the process of renovating the house and completing portrait jobs. My goal is to finish all of them by the end of this month and send them out together. A few people asked if I'm accepting new commisions. I will be once I have all my current ones in the mail.

This is what I'm working on at the moment. I snapped a photo of my art table. I usually don't post work in progress but I guess it's interesting to see the process involved. .

I have to get back to work....

The Fourth of July

2006-07-05T14:43:00.000-04:00

Germany is out of the World Cup Championship....

They lost to Italy. 2-0. Italy scored 2 goals in the last minute and 30 seconds of overtime. It was utterly crushing for us! Eric was in shock. It was a major downer for us yesterday and I'm sure all of Germany was upset.

Of course, that's the nature of the game. You win some, you lose some. The Italian team was happy though, as you can see from the below image.

....Also my brother's girlfriend, the fans driving through the streets of Manhattan waving the Italian flags and all of Italy.

C'est la vie.

so...Congratulations Italy.

This is my first year really following the World Cup (or any sports event for that matter) and my first taste of real disappointment.

That marks the end of our "World Cup Fever", but I'll continue watching to see who wins.

****

After the game we went into Manhattan to see a broadway play.

The last broadway play I saw was "Into the Woods" during a 3rd grade field trip so this was really exciting for me. I know some people can afford to do this on a monthly basis, but for me it's kind of a once or twice in a lifetime thing.

We went to see "The Faith Healer" with Ralph Fiennes.

We had orchestra seats close to the stage and right in the center. I felt a thrill to see Ralph Fiennes emerge into the lights because I love his films. The play consisted of a series of monologues and it feels like the actor is speaking directly at you. He peers intensely into your eyes and it's magical to see a riveting live performance. It was a small intimate theater.

It was a really moving, unsettling and haunting show. It leaves you wondering at the end "What...happened?". If anyone saw this show, I'd be curious to know what you thought or what your theory is about the meaning of the ending. It has you pondering and reflecting long after the curtain closed.

It was nice stepping out afterwards and seeing heart of New York City filled with life. It was the fourth of July and there was so much energy in the air.

Despite the disappointing game results, we had a great night.

Germany vs. Italy

2006-07-04T15:59:00.000-04:00

Eric is pacing right now. There is a lot of nervous energy in our house.

It's half-time. We're watching the Germany vs. Italy Semi Finals game.

My whole family is absorbed and we're sitting on the edge of our seats. It's 0-0 right now and it's head to head.

Eric was clenching my hand tightly during this game. This is the big game. If Germany wins they go onto the finals... if they lose. They're out. Berlin has a mile of fans screaming on the street and streets of Rome are overflowing with frenzied supporters as well. I know all my friends in Germany have their phones off the hook and are glued to their television sets.

Directly after this game, we're rushing into Manhattan to catch a broadway play for the fourth of July. (all tickets were half-price - a holiday special) So I wont be updating with the results.

If Germany wins, you can be assured that Eric will be crying tears of joy, screaming on the top of his lungs and we'll be partying hard tonight...

If we lose... He'll go into the corner of the room and cry tears of grief.

If you're reading this and the game is still on. Turn on your T.V.'s and root for Eric's home team!!!:)

And Happy Fourth of July!!

The game is back on! So...That's all for now!

Green Card

2006-07-01T16:25:00.000-04:00

Good News: We received Eric's *official* Green Card in the mail today.

He actually held the sacred card in his hands and we crowded around to view it in awe. It's not green. There is a green hologram stripe on the backside, but that's all. It's about the size of a New York States Drivers license.

The coveted Green Card.

.......FINALLY!

*******

Sad News: England is out of the World Cup Championship.

That game was heartbreaking for me to watch.

This is a sad day for England. Even Posh Spice was crying in the audience.

I was so upset this afternoon. I was rooting for them.

Image of the day (For Michelle):

David Beckham embracing Portugal's luis Figo after the game. Not only is he handsome + a great soccer player. He's also a good sport. It was a really emotional and intense game.

USA = out
Australia = out
England = out

France surprisingly beat Brazil today! They played an incredible game.

Brazil = out

Eric was in a state of shock.

So now it's down to Germany, France, Italy and Portugal.

I can't remember the last time in my life I was this absorbed in a sporting event.

What a game!

2006-06-30T08:46:00.000-04:00

Eric was screaming and cheering on the top of his lungs today.

Germany vs. Argentina had us on the edge of our seats. Anyone who caught the World Cup game today will know what I'm referring to. What a crazy game.

Germany is moving on to the semi-finals!

I can't remember the last time I saw Eric this excited over a soccer game. His embrace knocked me over and took the breath out of me.

It's 8:45 P.M. in Germany. I know our friends there will be partying hard tonight. I'm sure every pub, cafe, and nightclub is packed to the rim. They probably broadcasted the game live on a large screen in the center of the Altstadt. I wish I could be there during this time.

So just a little shout out to all those in Germany, Eric and I are in America right now but we're cheering along with you.

Do you remember these books?

2006-06-27T10:38:00.000-04:00

My life here in America is so different from my previous life in Germany.

Those days are beginning to fade slowly from my memory, almost as though I had never gone to Europe in the first place. Every day the memories fades more and more.

Like a dream.

Now we're dealing with a new reality in New York. It's taking some time to adjust.

I wonder if my traveling days have come to an end and it's time to settle down.

I feel under the weather today, I think I'm coming down with the flu. I'm going to take a motrin and rest before making dinner. My mood is pretty low.

I don't have much to write today, so here's an older entry from Germany, June 13th, 2004

*******

Eric has an ear infection, Yesterday afternoon he had to go to the Deutsch doctor who prescribed him anti-biotics and some heavy duty pain medication. Last night, Eric was lying in bed with glazed eyes and his jaw was starting to hurt, so he couldn't speak. I lay beside him and read to him until he fell asleep. I love reading to him, the last two books we read together were "the Davinci code" and "Emma".

I was thinking yesterday of all the books I've read in my life. There are so many, that I can't even begin to imagine the actual number. I'm a fast reader, which is a blessing and a curse. I've read every book in the English section of the German Library.. (It's a fairly small section, mostly classics) and English books at the stores are insanely expensive. So often times, I don't have anything to read. I enjoy reading all of your diaries..

Out of all the books I read in my past, it's interesting how certain titles stand out from the rest. Often times they aren't the best literature, Pulitzer Prize, or deeply profound books but I felt something when I read them..or it affected my life in some way. I just simply enjoyed the book or it changed my perspective.

So I thought I'd list the top ones that come to my mind, from the moment I first learned to read, to Today.. I doubt I'm the only person who has memories with these books.

"Go Dog Go" by P.D. Eastman - This book was the first book I ever read, I can't remember how old I was but I remember my mother bringing it home after work and reading it to me. After that, We would read it together, and she would tell me the words I couldn't sound out. It started out with the simple word "dog", and ended with an elaborate party in a tree with all the dog characters. I spent countless days sitting in the livingroom rocking chair with the sunlight coming in from the skylight, and reading it aloud to myself..over and over and over again. I still remember the thrill I had in my stomach when I was able to read it entirely from cover to back all on my own. I loved this book and carried it with me everywhere.

The Ramona series by Beverly Clearly - I started reading this series in Kindergarten and loved it until 3rd grade. I just instantly related with the character of Ramona, She was always getting in trouble and constantly seen as a pest. I remember vague scenes with her grabbing some girls luscious blond curls and yanking them. There was something in this series that I connected with. Something about her frustration about not being taken seriously and sadness of not belonging.

"Sweet Valley Twin series" by Francine Pascal - Does anyone remember those California twins with the shoulder-length "sun-streaked" blond hair and "blue-green" eyes? They were a perfect size 6 and had a year-long tan? They lived in that ranch-style house with the new american ideal of the democratic working family. They had a handsome liberal father and a beautiful graphic designer mom. It was a brilliant construction..twin heroines. The writer was free to have not ONE, but TWO versions of the ideal teenage girlhood. Elizabeth was intelligent and wrote for the school paper and Jessica was the "popular cheerleader". Jessica was the true hero of the series, she was spontaneous, impulsive and to be frank, a complete bitch. But somehow despite all the shit she pulled the reader still managed to forgive her and love her in the end. I had all the books from 1-97,I also used to spend hours admiring the cover illustrations, my dream was to some day paint the book covers. But alas..they've been long forgotten now and overshadowed by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

"Are you there God, It's me Margaret" By Judy Blume - This book blew me away when I read it and left quite an impression on me. This was the first time I had read a teen novel that had sex talk, periods and "playboy" references. I actually blushed when I read it the first time at age 9. It dealt with all the issues of being an adolescent girl with such bittersweet honesty and reality. I can't remember much, except for Margaret wanting her breasts to grow faster and doing "Bust exercises..". This book comforted me, It was simply amazingly written. I think this novel should be a rites of passage book for every girl.

"Anne of Green Gables" by L.M. Montgomery - I can't hear the phrase "kindred spirit" without thinking of this book. I read it when I was 10 years old and fell in complete love with the orphan, Anne Shirley. She was me, dramatic, pathetic, somehow constantly getting into trouble and always falling into "The depths of despair". I read it again a few months ago, and it still had the same magic as the first time. I can understand how it's remained a classic for a hundred years.

"Flowers in the attic" by V.C. Andrews. - okay, when you think about this book what is the first thing you remember? That sexual scene between the brother and sister up in the attic. That shocked the hell out of me...The whole book did. We would pass it around in school when I was 11, until it was torn and dog-eared in the corners. The whole book was captivating, horrific, left you with a chill running down your back and felt forbidden.

"Go Ask Alice" by anonymous - This book introduced me to the seductive, addictive world of drugs and the effects. The entire book just overwhelmed me, There was so much in it. I couldn't even fully grasp it all at age 12. The frightening thing was how easily I could relate to this girl, feel as though I knew her and to read the lurid details, sometimes fascinating and sometimes terrifying.. I haven't read this book in over 10 years, but I remember the end was heartbreaking and I actually cried. I always had it in my bookbag.

"Forever" by Judy Blume - It's short, you can read it in a few hours and it is hands down the best description of the first sexual experience I have ever read. Period. All I can say, is thank you Judy blume for preparing me for the bittersweet realities of love relationships at a young age.

"Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte - This book took my breath away. I was captivated and emotionally involved from the beginning of the book, with the first paragraph description of "The perfect misanthropists heaven " . It's a passionate story of Universals: Love, hate, and revenge. I think a part of me wanted to be Catherine, I wanted to run on the moors.. I wanted Healthcliff, despite all his rage..something about him captivated me. I've written countless papers in highschool on this novel, including a page by page synopsis..I've read it a hundred times. It's my favorite book.

"Watchers" by Dean R Koontz - This novel is compelling, amazing and I read it many times in my teen years. I remember the story line had to do with this intelligent dog, this couple and this horrid beast. It had everything a good novel needed, it succeeds on so many levels and was powerful. This book made me cry, actually sob when the beast was in the cave..and..well just read it. .It's one of those books I would never have picked up on my own at the store, but I'm so glad my friend convinced me to read it. It's been 8 years now, I should read it again. I don't know if it's the greatest book ever written, but it hit me emotionally.

"Insomnia" by Stephen King - Alot of people didn't like this book they found it lengthy and boring. But I connected with this book, I read it only once and when I was 16 years old. I remember little about the plot, other than the fact that the man can't sleep because of nightmares.. For some odd reason, After we read that book, my friend and I stayed up for 3 days straight together with the hope of seeing "Auras". I have to read the book again to figure out why..but I remember being absolutely absorbed. So much, that I feel the need to mention it on my list.

"Butterflies are free" by Leonard Gershe - If you can get your hands on it. (It's currently out of print, I can't even find it on E-Bay) you should read it. I bought it at a Garage sale, I read it when I was 18, and loved it. I related strongly with the character of Jill, It's just beautiful, funny, sad..and it's all about love.

Okay, I have to wrap up this list, otherwise I'll be typing all night...

"Love and Will" by Rollo May - I read this when I was 21, and I filled the entire book with notes and highlight markings. There's alot in it and you might have to read it over and over again. But it's just simply amazing, in a way it changed my life perspective.

"Madame Bovary" by Gustav Flaubert - This was the last book I can remember that really hit me in the gut and caused me to cry at the end. The hardest I've ever cried before, it was just so heartbreaking.. But I can't put myself through that book again, it tore me apart.

There are many I didn't have space to list, but these are the ones that immediately popped into my mind.

The new Michael Moore movie isn't playing in any theaters in my town, although one independent English theater is trying to get a hold of it and people are already making reservations. Must be patient.

I have to go "cook" dinner, Eric is napping on the sofa besides me..He seems to be doing better...

Unexpected turns and Influential films

2006-06-25T18:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes a night can take an unexpected turn and you end up in a place you didn't expect. It results in a surprising experience. Those moments in life are my favorites

For example:

Last night I found myself in the middle of a bunch of screaming fans in a packed concert on Jones Beach with Def Leppard on stage.

3 hours earlier, I had no idea my night would lead in that direction.

My friend from childhood and former Bartending buddy was in town. The weather was stormy and wet. She suddenly asked me and Eric "hey, you want to go see Def Leppard?"

.....Def Leppard?

She had two tickets, but there were a lot of factors against us. 1. It was an outdoor theater and the weather was awful. 2. Transportation 3. Only one extra ticket...

But there we were hours later, all problems resolved. Rain stopped, The security guard let Eric in for free and we were having an amazing time. They played some Led Zeppelin hits and it was like being transported in time to a rock concert of the 1970's. The smell of weed drifted over the crowd and the lights were flashing. Eric was thrashing his head.

Back when Tara and I were 15 years old, We listened to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" in her basement. Now we were watching them live in concert over 10 years later. A random, crazy, and fun night, who would have thought?

She flew back to Florida this morning, and she's reading this.

Thanks Tara!

******

Here's another older entry from my locked diary. This one was written in Germany, 2005

I'm still hungover.

Last night we met up with some friends at the Irish Pub..

We ordered "Green Giants", (Which is bright green mixture of Beer and curacao.) There was a two for one special..and they were cheap. It tastes like candy and you forget it contains alcohol. I drank one too many last night.

..I'm still debating how much I want write about last night. Lets just say, it was a fun night....

In the beginning of the evening, everyone at the table started talking about films from their childhood and teenage years. the ones that left the strongest impression on them..for one reason or the other.

Peter's new girlfriend, Rose said "Dirty Dancing!"

I had to agree..that was the first one that leapt to my mind too. I think that might be a universal female thing. Especially amoungst those in their twenties and thirties.

"And Top Gun..Do you remember that song?", She laughed

"Take my breath away...."

"Yes!..and "Days of Thunder"!..you know, "Grease" left an impression on me too!", She said "So what are your Top ten?"

I wasn't sober enough to come up with a list at the time..we all mentioned different films for a while, sang songs from the soundtracks and laughed about all the memories..

*****

But today, I was thinking about that..

Here is my list of the most influential films of my youth till today. These are not necessarily the best films ever made..some of them aren't even that great. But there was something special about each one..something that made them stay in my memory long after seeing them. They left a deep impression on me. When I think back..these are the first 10 films that come to mind...

Superman II

this is the very first film I saw in the movie theaters as a very young child. I have clear memories of the awe I watching it on the big screen. I wrote about this in more detail when Christopher Reeve died last year. It's in this entry.

Dark Crystal

I couldn't tell you what this movie was about anymore, It's been at least 19 years since I've seen it. But I remember I watched it often and there was something so magical about it, something emotional, something that made me cry. I still can envision the scenes that stuck in my head. I remember terrifying vulture creatures with long necks, I remember sitting on the edge of the sofa clenching the seat cushion in absolute anguish at the prospect of the main female gelfling dying..I know I dreamt about it afterwards and drew sketches in my drawing pad. Some of my earliest childhood drawings were the characters from this film. One of these days I have to rent it and see it again.

Labyrinth

I loved this film and even though I was young, I knew David Bowie was sexy. There were so many levels to this film and I was intrigued. I didn't know whether to hate Jareth or to love him. This was a beautiful fantasy film and now it's considered a cult classic.

Back To The Future

Imagine traveling back in time with a Deloreon and seeing your parents when they were your age?. It pulled me in, and I couldn't get enough of it. It's a brilliant film, just entertainment in the purest sense. I can't even put my finger exactly on what it was..but I wore out the VHS player at age 8 with this movie. I still have the original video cassette, bulky and heavy with the tattered plastic cover.

Dirty Dancing

How many times I saw this movie..I can't even say. Every sleepover party at every friend's house... this was the film. Nothing could top it. At age 9, this film was PG 13, therefore taboo. We had to take turns watching out for our parents and played it on a very low volume. It was the ultimate coming of age film, Who didn't want to have Patrick Swayze grinding his hips against them? Who didn't want to dance on stage and rebel against your parents?.. Half of the underlying issues I couldn't even grasp at such a young age. I had the soundtrack and I listened to "Cry to me" on my little pink cassette player with my eyes closed. What was it about this film? why did we love it SO much...

My Girl

I saw this movie for the first time when I was eleven years old, the same age as the protagonist. Never before did I connect so strongly with the main character..never before did I cry so hard at a film. It was heartbreaking, touching and bittersweet. this movie stuck with me. I'll never forget the funeral and the poem she read in class. "weeping willow with your leaves hanging down..why do you always a weep and frown..Is it because he left you one day..is it because he could not stay.". I saw it again after the death of Jim at age 21 and I saw that little girl I used to be. It tore me apart.

Batman

I think I was 12 when I saw this film. It was the opening night and the theater was packed. There was so much energy and so much excitment. Everyone laughed at the wit of the joker..and cheered with every line Batman delivered. He was a dark hero..he was complex..he was sexy.. I was captivated.. I left the theater feeling a sense of rush. My friend Steven said.."Do you want to see it again?". I whispered "Yes", and we snuck back into the theater for the next showing. I can't say whether this IS actually a good film, or my judgment was clouded by youth. I haven't seen it in about 13 years. But it left an impression.

Reality Bites

At age 15, I saw this movie for the first time and it has remained my favorite since. Never have I found a film with so many layers of jokes, cultural references, and honestly portraying the struggle of graduating college..trying to make it. It's so damn witty, and to this day..I discover new jokes, puns on words and references. Nearly every line in this film has a double meaning. I see it's flaws now as I grow older, but still love it. Plus it captures the nineties in a way no film has done.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

At age 18, I discovered "Breakfast at Tiffany's", Holly Golightly is a complex character, and I think everyone could relate to her struggles at discovering who she was. I instantly loved this film.

American Beauty

This movie changed the way I saw so many things. Too many to even list.. I don't even feel it's necessary to explain. This movie speaks for itself.

Vanilla Sky

I left this movie with chills running down my body and I was covered in goosebumps. On the drive back from the theater..I sat in the backseat in a daze just digesting what I had seen. The variety of emotions I felt when i saw this film..the journey it takes you down.. I can't remember the last time I felt that while sitting through a movie. It has it's flaws..yes. But it's so powerful. It shook my core.. It's sad how this film was bashed by critics and shoved under the carpet. What they were attempting in this film, shouldn't be overlooked. It has a strong message, if you look deeper.. It simply blew me away. It made me question the very core of my existance.

"Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour"

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around"

"Say everything now, now, now, now"

"Open your eyes"

"Its been a brilliant journey of self-awakening, now you simply have to ask yourself this... What is happiness to you?"

I couldn't breathe...I just whispered "holy shit.." I didn't see things the same. I wiped at my cheek absently, my fingers were wet from tears, and I realized I was crying.

What movies were influential to you?

I asked Eric the same question..here are his answers, off the top of his head. He's with me right now, so I'll let him explain in his own words.

1. Star Wars

Eric: "Well the first time I saw Starwars I was just out of Kindergarten. I didn't quite know what hit me. I had stopped feeling my body sitting in front of the television and I was really disoriented once the film ended. I felt like my life wasn't the same anymore after seeing it. What impressed me most was the idea of "the force", and there just being something else behind the universe that exceeded my naive child-like christian ideas. Something that wasn't personified by an angry bearded old man that did things to the Israelites I really didn't understand. This was a completely different idea of spirituality. That's probably also what caused me to think for a while that in a past life I had been "commander number one of the Vega Star system" - Don't ask me why, but a few years..I seriously believed that. That was my favorite refuge fantasy when things got rough.

Fuck the new episodes."

2. Breakfastclub

Eric: "Guess what impressed me about this film the most? It gave me a completely new role model as a preteen which was the beginning of my "depressed phase". I bought a long black coat, much to the dismay of my mother. I sewed a scarf to my pants to be "different". I had to be like Judd Nelson. I can't really give you a good reason why I wanted to be this. There isn't a deep philosophical humanitarian idealism behind it..Just all the girls thought he was the most fascinating character. So as a result..I wanted to be him."

3. Koyannisqatsi

Eric: "I think the best movies..(and this isn't true for Breakfast club) are those that make you forget you exist. Only when the titles come down do you once again realize you have a body. I don't think any movie ever did that to me as much and strongly as Koyaanisqatsi. For those of you who haven't seen it. It's a wordless film. It doesn't have any protagonists. It just takes the camera, aims it at the factual reality of the world and our industrialized society and shows it all in an excelerated rate. You can see an entire day within 3 minutes. It shows you things commented on only by the background music such as the astronomical length of a powerline, the destructive force of the (), the beauty of a nuclear explosion, clouds crashing into mountains like waves onto a shore and infinite poverty in the heart of wealthy society. It shows the errors and illusions of mankind."

All that without saying one word. Koyaanisqatsi - "the state of unbalance"

He also mentioned "Magnolia", "All Quiet on the Western Front", "The Color Purple", "Fight Club" and "A hitchikers guide to the Galaxy"

Flashback to the Nineties

2006-06-21T08:43:00.000-04:00

***My photoblog is currently "under construction"***

I'll be posting a few older entries from my locked diary this week. This one is especially for the friends I grew up with in New York that are reading this right now. It will provide a little trip down memory lane. It was originally written in Germany on June 14th, 2005

__________________________________________________________

I'm getting old.

The party we went to last friday was a mixture of a college frat party and my senior prom. There were drunk jocks running around screaming by the end of the night, a huge keg and a dance floor with flashing lights. The biggest birthday party I've seen thrown for someone in a long time. I was expecting a house party with about 30 people..not over 300 in a huge old German barn transformed into a disco. It was so strange..but a fun experience.

Last night we went out again with a few friends..I know I've been going out partying a lot more than usual lately. I think there's a number of reasons for this. I realized that we only have about 7 months left here in Germany. Then we'll be saying goodbye to our friends and our life here. I have this desire to make the most of every remaining moment..because once we reach New York things are going to change drastically in our life. We'll have more responsibilities, we'll start planning to have our first child and putting money aside for a house. This feels like the last months of my some-what "carefree youthful years as Newly wed artists". We'll be starting over in a sense. It's going to be a difficult adjustment for me at first...We have a large circle of friends here. I've grown to care and love the people I've met in Germany. I didn't realize how much until now.

Also when I'm out partying with my friends, for a short time I can forget the deeper problems in my life and just let go for a few hours. It's something I really need right now.

I met a number of new people last night and really bonded with Rose. (the new girlfriend of one of Eric's friends)

At one point, I was chatting with the 16 year old sister of one of my friends. The age difference wasn't an issue. We found a common ground and we were cracking up.

I asked her "So what kind of music are you into?"

"Oh..I like a lot of the oldies..you know"

"Oldies? Like what?" (Now I expected her to say.."The Doors", or Jimi Hendrix, Maybe..I don't know, Elvis)

"Really Old stuff, like.... Nirvana"

NIRVANA????? That's already considered an OLDIE?! I nearly fell over backwards. I remember listening to that in highschool.. am I really that old?

This was disturbing.

****

I'm almost finished my birthday card project for my bestfriend. It was strange going through the nineties all over again. Each year documenting the events that unfolded, putting together mixed CD's of the greatest hits and re-reading all the news of that decade. There was so much research involved.

Today, I was thinking back to the nineties. Since I already did an entry called: Back to The Eighties and went through all my memories from that decade. I thought it was time to take a trip back to the nineties. It's already the year 2005.. I might find this interesting to look back on in 20 or 30 years.

The Eighties are filled with childhood memories of saturday morning cartoons and various toys. But the nineties feel like they were just yesterday. It was the decade of so much growth for me. I went from being a child to a teenager and then an adult.

The nineties didn't start wonderfully for me..I was an awkward pre-teen. Plus the early 90's still had a strong eighties feeling to it. There were still stonewashed pants, and bright pink colors. But by 1992, things began to change.....

90's Style

In the beginning of the 90's everyone was wearing white Keds ..

When I think back to the shoes I wore most often, I think of my Converse. I had a pair in every color.. Blue, Green, red, faded brown and Black. They're apparently coming back into style these days..I see them in town and have to resist the urge to buy a pair.

Adidas.. Yes, I'm still wearing these. They're timeless...

My beloved Doc Martins.. I remember I saved up for months to buy a pair. They cost about 120 dollars, I wore mine into the ground..I had rainbow laces on them. I loved those shoes. I actually miss them.

Mary Janes..I had a pair of these, as did everyone. I also had a vintage pair of saddle shoes.

Birkenstocks.. They became really popular in the late 90's. I still have a pair. It's all I ever wore in Florida. I don't have a chance to wear them much here in Germany since it's cold about 10 out of the 12 months of the year.

Clothing:

The first thing that comes to mind when I think back to the 90's is flannel..everyone had a flannel shirt. It was the big thing, grungy flannel shirts, faded band T-shirts, ripped jeans, and thermals..Also plaid skirts with knee-high socks were huge. Everyone remembers that Aerosmith video with Alicia Silverstone. Also, Gas station shirts with name tags on them.

And Baby doll dresses, Thanks to Courtney love

There was a point when everyone was walking around looking like they just emerged from a "Three's Company" episode. Everything vintage from the 70's, big collared shirts, bell-bottom jeans. The thrift shops were being raided as everyone searched for that perfect vintage top. I had found an olive green long collared form fitting top..I must have worn it once a week.

And don't forget Cargo pants. pastel Baby doll clips in the hair.

The hair of the 90's:

Everyone was bleaching their hair and pulling out a bottle of manic panic in some insane color. Blue, Red and Bleached with the roots showing were pretty big.

In highschool, my hair was shoulder-length, but once I graduated..I chopped it all off and went with the pixie-cut for the next 5 years.

And all the clique titles..Hippie-chicks, Grunge, Goth, Punk, Skaters, Burnouts, Brains..

ah..the nineties.

***

Music:

In the nineties I remember listening to entire albums in my bedroom, just listening to music for the sake of listening to it. I had my walkman and that kept me sane. I was able to tune all the chaos out and just get absorbed into the music. I listened to alot of older music during that time, such as the Doors, Hendrix, The Clash and Janis Joplin. I was big into Vinyl records. But these are the best albums of the 1990's in my opinion..or at least the ones that stick out in my memory as my favorites...

Spin Doctors - Pocket full of kryptonite

I was 13 when I bought this album. I must have listened to "2 Princes" a million times. I can't really listen to it now and enjoy it. But at the time, I thought it was great. (I was such a little dork)

The Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magic

This Chili Peppers album just blew me away.

Weezer - Blue

I can't remember how many times I listened to the Weezer Blue album. I loved every single song on this album..I carried it with me..everywhere

Nine Inch Nails - Downward Spiral

Nine Inch Nails, During my darkest hours at age 16..Trent Reznor was my solace.

No Doubt - Tragic kingdom

I bought this album my last year of highschool..still love it as much as I did back then.

Nirvana - Nevermind

Of course.

Some of best songs of the nineties (In my book)

"Under the bridge" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Glycerine" - Bush
"Today" - Smashing Pumpkins
"Closer" - Nine Inch Nails
"Fade into me" - Mazzy Star
"The Sweater Song" - Weezer

I think the "coolness" of the 90's officially ended with the arrival of Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys and N-sync. It just all went down hill from there......

Movies of the nineties:

When I think back to the 90's, these 4 movies stick out. Only because they were always playing at every party. Everytime we got together and someone suggested watching a film. It was one of these..

Pulp Fiction

Dazed and Confused

Reality Bites

Empire Records.

There were so many other films worth mentioning, but those hold the strongest memories of good times with my friends.

Food and Candy of the nineties:

Jellybelly jellybeans, Gushers, fruitopia, snapple, Red bull, starbucks, warheads, Ringpops, blowpops,

Do you remember McDonalds arch deluxe - "the adult burger", (?). I never could figure out what was so "adult" about it.

Television of the nineties:

I didn't watch much television, In the very Early 90's it was "Beverly Hills 90210" (But I never could get into "Melrose Place" - I hated that show) "My So-Called Life" sticks out in my mind as the most influential show for me at age 15. I also remember "Party of Five" and everyone was watching "Felicity" in the college dorm rooms. Oh and "The Simpsons"

I know "Friends" emerged in the 90's, but I didn't watch that show until I started buying the boxsets in 2003. I was too young to appreciate it when it first came out. Also "Sex in the City" came out in the late 90's, I saw it for the first time though in 2002.

Some of the commercial stick out in my memory strongly..Such as those stupid 1-800-C-O-L-L-E-C-T, that budlight commercial ("I LOVE YOU MAN!" - "You're not getting my Budlight, Johnny") and the Budweiser frogs "Bud-weis-er", the Volkswagon Jetta commercials "Da-Da-Da-Da..", The TacoBell dog, The "Got Milk" commercials, Litte Caesers "Pizza! Pizza!", Grey Poupon ("pardon me..do you have any Grey Poupon?") and of course the Calvin Klein Ads.

It's sick how COMMERCIALS stay in your memory, isn't it?

Slang

But talking about the 90's wouldn't be complete without remembering all the slang that came out during those years. The good and the stupid. Here's a list of the ones I remember..

"what's up?"

"don't go there"

"All that" (i.e. she was all that and a bag of chips)

"Beeotch"

"cool" (a classic)

"the bomb"

"chick flick" (this phrase emerged in the nineties with Meg Ryan romantic comedies)

"dude."

"hooch"

"It's all good"

"Mad" - that was Mad good

"My bad" (I couldn't stand that one..It was never said with sincerity, and made me want to slap the person)

"Not" "Yeah..that's real cool..NOT" ( I hated that one)

"Oh my god" or simply "oh god"..

"Phat" (for the record: I never used this one)

"Rolling"

"sweet" (a favorite..)

"too much information"

"talk to the hand"

"Whatever"

"You go" - this phrase was made popular by "The Jerry Springer show" - as in "Oh my god..no he di'nt..You go, girl"

"Like" (in the nineties, like, everyone was using this, like, all the time..like you wouldn't believe)

And for my teenage buddies..you might remember Pogs..skip it and tamgotchis, furby's, beanie babies from your childhood years in the 90's.

Now that decade is over, It's strange..It doesn't feel like a long time ago. I can remember those years so clearly. Some of it I miss..some of it I don't.

There's also a lot I've forgotten and left out..I'm curious to know what sticks out in your mind from the 90's.

Nineties Survey

What was your favorite movie, show, song, slang, fashion fad or memory from the 1990's?

***********

Now we have to ask.."What the hell happened to all of that?"

I wonder how people are going to view this decade, the one we're living right now.

Unfortunately, things are not going so well.

So far this decade will be defined by 911, the Iraq War and George W. Bush...

Our current president has removed more freedoms and civil liberties then any other president in U.S. history. The country is the most divided It's ever been... possibly since the Civil War.

He set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest him (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

Watching the news is Disheartening, Tsunami was the biggest tragedy I've ever witnessed. The death toll in Iraq is horrifying.

Despite this the biggest thing on the news is how Michael Jackson was found "Not Guilty" of molesting little boys.

So on that front things aren't looking so good and people will be shaking their heads when they look back at this time.

All we can do is make our own unique memories, live in the moment and make the best of a bad situation. Because life goes deeper than all of that. I know things will get better.

I don't want to look back at this decade and only remember crying while I watched the news.

World Cup 2006

2006-06-20T12:39:00.000-04:00

When I was living in Germany, I really missed American Cable. I moved to the country without knowing the language, so everything was gibberish and foreign to me. We only have three channels and all of it in German. I felt isolated from pop culture and missed my favorite shows.

Every time I visited my family in the U.S., I would buy a six pack of blank VHS tapes and just record everything to watch later in Germany. I called it the "Germany Survival series". I also bought English DVD boxsets to bring with me.

Now here I am living in America again and I rarely ever turn on the television. I have no desire to sit down in front of the tube and I don't really care what's in the T.V. guide.

Basically the only time Eric and I even turn on the T.V. at all is to catch the Soccer World Cup.

This morning Eric was ecstatic and cheering. Germany won their third game and are first in their group. A 3-0 win.

Before Europe, I could have cared less about soccer and I knew nothing about the sport. Now 4 years later, I'm a fan. I'm completely pulled in and cheering with Eric. I wish I was in Germany for this. They scream on the streets, Run with flags, set off fireworks, honk their horns and yell out their bedroom windows. Everyone is watching and it's all they talk about on the news.

Here in America, there is just one lone page that mentions the game in the sports section of the newspaper. Most people don't seem to care or even acknowledge this event at all.

The best game of the World Cup (in my opinion) was the Australia versus Japan. I was leaping off the sofa and thrilled when Australia won.

Edit: Okay, Okay..I acknowledge that the America vs. Italy game was exciting to watch. It was definitely brutal and a full out war. High entertainment. America did fight very hard. I just thought it was a little dirty. I expected my home team to play better, perhaps my expectations were just too high. I still haven't given up hope that America can turn things around.

In a half hour England is playing. It's Beckham time....

Soccer is known to be a very physical and high contact sport. I'll leave off with some pictures that Janet sent me via E-mail. They had me and Eric cracking up, I thought I'd share these great soccer moments.

Is anyone else following the World Cup this year?

Every new beginning is hard

2006-06-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

Living in Europe for nearly 4 years definitely changed me.

This transition back to America has been a difficult adjustment.

The good news is that Eric is with me. We're officially living together in the states now. It's wonderful to be together again and to start our new life side by side. All the struggles with his Greencard are over and behind us. He has all the documents he needs to live and work in the U.S. (finally!)

Now we have new struggles to overcome and it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Last weekend we went to the beach.

That's something we didn't have in Germany. The nearest beach was muddy, cold and 3 hours away by car.

Now we have a beach right around the corner. It was a warm beautiful day and we walked a long the shore collecting shells.

We're in the process of job hunting and adjusting which is why I haven't updated in a while. I'll update more when things calm down and we get used to our new circumstances.

New Mexico

2006-06-06T16:50:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since my last update. I haven't had internet access because I took a trip and I just returned.

I was here....

My Grandmother is ill and I went to visit her in New Mexico.

It's been years since I last saw her. This trip was important. It was nice being able to spend time with my grandparents again.

Most of the time was spent indoors. My Grandmother doesn't leave the house very often. My Grandfather took me out a few times, and I was amazed at how beautiful everything was. Their home is surrounded by mountains on all sides. They didn't even look REAL! I found myself just gazing out the windows in awe every morning. They appeared to be painted backdrops. The weather was hot, the air was thin and I always felt thirsty. It was such a difference from New York and even the town in Germany I lived in. There were rustic adobe houses, and route 66 signs.

I went out with my grandfather to the Casino in town and tried my hand at the slot machines. I had a ball with the 25 cent machines. I didn't have much luck. After hours of playing I just broke even. It was fun though.

The part of the trip that left the strongest impression on me was a trip to the top of Sandia mountains

We traveled by tram (apparently the longest mountain tram in the world). We were thousands of feet up and the tram was constantly swaying back and forth. I gripped the rail and tried not to imagine a potential plummet every time the wires creaked. As we ascended my ears began to pop and I felt dizzy.

The trip was worth it. The view was breathtaking. I had never seen anything like it before in my life. Sure, I've seen postcards and heard stories...

It's different when you are there in person and standing on the edge of a mountain. You look down at the view and it's simply awe-inspiring. Here are some pictures

The sun was setting when we descended on the tram.

All and all it was a great trip. I could imagine some day living in New Mexico or Arizona.

After a bumpy plane ride... I arrived home to New York.

So...that's where I've been lately. I didn't just drop off the face of the earth. I'm back.

For Eric - I hope you like the pictures. We have to go visit them again together, My grandparents are dying to meet you

You'll be here in less than 24 hours!! I can't wait to see you again. I love you, I miss you so much....

A short video clip

2006-05-30T12:19:00.000-04:00

A number of people have asked me about the current picture on the top of this photoblog template.

It's a photograph I particularly like and I felt it represented the way I was feeling especially during the final months in Germany. The feeling of being on the outside looking on and not being able to reach home. Feeling lost and in a difficult transition. I just related strongly with the image.

The female in this famous photograph is 31 year old Chloe Sevigny.

I'll probably change it soon because now I'm back in America and things have altered.

*****

I found out how to post embedded personal video footage. So I thought I'd share a 16 second video clip of Percy traveling on the Subway Friday night. (if you listen closely you can hear the comments of the spectators. For some reason, Percy just gets everyone's attention. Perhaps because it's illegal to bring your pet onto the subway and place him on your lap, but we figured we could pass Percy off as a very ugly child. It worked.)

New York, New York

2006-05-28T12:42:00.000-04:00

Thursday morning I took the train into Manhattan to visit my sister and her boyfriend.

Here are some photos I took during my walk to their apartment building

When I reached the apartment, Percy was the first one to greet me. He ran up to me the minute I stepped out of the elevator. His whole body trembling with excitment, tail wagging and tongue lolling. I missed the little guy.

Unfortunately, He was feeling under the weather later because he tore open and ate an entire bag of Gummi-bears. Here's a pic of him on his sick bed.

It was so great seeing my sister again. We went shopping together, and then had some sushi and Saki in the late afternoon.

when we returned home, Mr. Big bought champagne and made dinner. (Steak, Asparagus and Salad) he's quite the cook. *I heart Mr. Big.*

We drank, talked, laughed and played card games until the early morning hours.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of cooing... I slowly blinked open my eyes and saw two pigeons perched on the fire escape staring blankly at me. The window was open and the sunlight was streaming in. I was laying on the futon in my sister's livingroom. I felt this complete happiness at the realization that I was home in the states with my family again. I'm living here now and it's not just a visit. It suddenly hit me fully.

******

Eric, this next part is for you.

While I was walking to my sister's apartment thursday morning, a woman on the street outside the Adidas shop handed me a flyer. I didn't really bother looking at it until I was standing at the corner waiting to cross the street.

The flyer read: "Meet the German Soccer team, FC Bayern Munich tomorrow at 3 P.M. A rare American appearance. Talk with the members and get their signatures!"

Now for those that don't know. Eric is a big soccer fan. Everybody in Germany worships soccer. It's huge in all of Europe. This year the World cup is taking place in Germany. it's beginning about 3 days after Eric has to leave Germany and join me in America. So Sadly he's missing the huge event.

When I saw this flyer, I was pretty excited about meeting the most famous soccer team in all of Germany and getting their signatures for Eric. What are the odds of them being here in New York only 5 days after I left Germany?!

So we were there on Friday and we saw that the line for signatures stretched around the entire store! it led upstairs and to a part we couldn't view. We just saw camera flashes and reporters going upstairs. After a long wait, they announced that a lot of people would NOT be able to see the team and that the time is out. We were right near the stairs and we just made it in before the closed off the line.

We ran up the stairs and we were able to meet the team. I have all of their autographs! (well, minus Oliver Kahn and Michael Ballack, of course. They're in Switzerland.) They were so sweet, friendly and funny. Some of them were flirting, winking and joking around with me and my sister. The whole experience was really exciting.

Honey, I wish you were there! But here are a few pictures I shot. Sorry they're blurry, I forgot to turn on my flash.

those two were really funny... I have some pictures where they're laughing with us, but it's a complete blur because they never stayed still.

As we left, we saw some crazed fans running up the escalators that were going down. They were frantic to get signatures and determined to catch the players before they left. We saw them leave on their tour bus five minutes later while a crowd on the streets watched.

But we have two signed posters. Tell K. that one is for him.

****

It was a nice trip to Manhattan.

Here is a picture of Percy traveling on the subway system. He's sitting on Laura's lap. He was enjoying the ride.

For the record, Percy is a big shot in Manhattan now. Everyone on the street knows his name and stops to pet him. He gets so much attention just when you take him on a walk. I think it's getting to his head a bit. he wags his tale and walks all proudly.

****

So now we're all here together as a family for memorial day weekend. I have to log off, there's a lot I need to do today.

Eric, I miss you so much!!! Call me when you read this! Only 8 more days until we're together again!

Back Home

2006-05-24T16:18:00.000-04:00

I'm home in New York.

I had a safe flight and I'm adjusting to everything. There are a lot of changes.

I'll have a longer entry this weekend with pictures.

Just checking in to let you know that I arrived.

I'm back in the U. S. of A.

Goodbye Germany...

2006-05-20T10:50:00.000-04:00

Our Green Card interview went smoothly without any problems. It turns out that it was not only important that I was there with him for this, It was entirely necessary! We needed to sign some documents together in front of a witness and raise our right hands to swear that all the information we provided during our interview was the truth.

I would have had to fly back into Germany if I took that flight last week. I made the right decision when I opted to stay.

Eric will be receiving the documents he needs to travel into the U.S. in two weeks.

I have a ticket home. I'm leaving tomorrow for America!

******

Here are a few more pictures of our town...

We found a picture of the street we used to live on...

But I was confused when I saw it. "That can't be right!", I said "All the buildings look entirely different! Our apartment building doesn't look the same at all. How can that be?"

But opon further investigation we found THIS photo taken in the 1940's. It's the same street from a different angle.

Apparently our street had been bombed and rebuilt in the 1950's. The only thing that remained standing was the church...

I passed our old flat today. It was so strange not having the key to the front door and seeing that someone else now lives in our apartment.

I slowly walked by.

*****

But regardless, I've had a good time here in Germany in this wonderful town cloaked in mystery.

But to quote Dorothy. "There's no place like home"

This chapter is over and a new chapter is beginning.

Goodbye Germany.

If you ever decide to visit this town out of curiosity, be sure to go to the Cafe Wunderbar. Sit on the faded leather booth seat in the back underneath the chandelier. That's our favorite hang out cafe and our favorite spot to sit. Have a cup of coffee for me and order the "Einfache fruhstuck"

Yesterday and Today

2006-05-17T10:04:00.000-04:00

Today was a beautiful day. Eric and I went into town for a cup of coffee at the cornershop bookstore. We saw a book on clearance filled with old images of this little town we live in. I was absolutely captivated by the images. I've always been fascinated by historical pictures and looking back at how things used to be in another time.

I was also curious to see just how much things had changed.

"well, lets get this book and then take a walk through town. We'll compare how things are now to how they were back then. It would be interesting to see the subtle and not so subtle differences." Eric suggested.

So we did.

and of course, I took pictures.

There were differences in the store names, some of the architecture. But some things haven't changed much at all from the late 1800's!

The horse and buggy carts were replaced with automobiles..

What's interesting is that if you look closely, the Haus der Technik building has a banner on it celebrating the 150 year anniversary.

It's so strange to be standing there in the same location an old photograph was taken. You look at the changes and it's like a trip through time. A glimpse of how things once were. It gave me chills.

It's amazing how in only 3 and a half years. This town has become a real home to me. Since I walk everywhere, I know it inside and out. I'm attached to this town, the memories I have and the feelings it brings out.

I'm going to miss it here

I took this photo standing where the tree with those people in it once stood. Obviously it was chopped down years ago and replaced with a small children's park.

I have a couple more images that I might post in a new entry. Also a few people have asked me about the name of the town I live in. I kind of skirted over the question for privacy reasons and because I don't want this personal photoblog to come up in Google searches when someone types in the town's name. It's not a big city like Berlin or Frankfurt. I haven't met another blogger that currently lives in this town. I know some USED to live here, but it's hard to find anyone else.

But I'll give you a hint. There is a now-famous and very unusual conspiracy theory surrounding the town in Germany I live in. I'll share the article in my next entry. It's kind of funny, since my blog proves it wrong.

Tomorrow we're taking a road trip, we'll be back on Friday night. During that trip we'll be going to the American Embassy for our Green Card interview.

Wish us luck

And thank you to everyone that ordered a Charcoal portrait (previous entry) or expressed interest in ordering one. That completely made my day and helps us more than you know. Thank you so much for reaching out.

Charcoal portraits

2006-05-15T16:23:00.000-04:00

A lot of people have suggested I offer portraits to raise the funds for my ticket home and to help us out of this financial hole we're stuck in.

At first I was hesitant. But my resistance has been pounded to shreds, partially by all of your caring letters and I can't see an argument anymore if you guys could really look at this as a business transaction and you really would like to have a portrait. I decided to give it a shot because that would help us so much right now: I will take fundraising portrait jobs.

So I imagine you'd like to see an example Charcoal portrait. (so you don't think I'm going to send you a stick figure drawing)

Here you go:

This is a portrait I did for Kristina of her little girl.

Here are a few more examples

All the portraits are 11 x 14 and done with charcoal pencils + vine charcoal on Strathmore paper. It's sprayed with a protective coating after completion so it wont smudge.

I originally wrote a longer entry with a whole bunch of unnecessary information. I've decided to keep it short and simple. If you're interested in commisioning a portrait, just send me an E-mail at Clarity_new@yahoo.com. The paypal account is just set up to receive payment for a portrait assignment.

. Thank you so much in advance to anyone that orders a portrait and helps us out. It means the world to us.

*****
By the way, Believe it or not, Eric is still working on answering 3 questions for his next Guest entry. He's just having a problem choosing. I'm sure he'll figure it out. I suggested he just do it in chapter installments on a weekly basis.

The Final Stretch

2006-05-14T13:33:00.000-04:00

"Should I stay or should I go
If I go there will be trouble..
If I stay there will be double"

"I always thought the phrase "If I stay there will be double" meant that there'll be two of them, that they'll be together, doubled up. Hmh."
-Acorn

I had never interpreted it that way before. It made me think.

I'm still in Germany.

I decided last minute not to take that flight back to America.

Everyone had urged me to be persistant with the airlines and it finally paid off. I received a partial credit that can go towards my next airline ticket. After calling so many times and pleading so much I jumped on the offer. Finally someone had compassion and was willing to bend the rules a little due to my circumstances.

So I'm staying in Germany for our Green Card interview. There were incomplete forms, we couldn't find an English notary and I can't mess up something this important. I need to make sure my husband can immigrate into America with me. As much as I was looking forward to seeing my family, It was the responsible thing to do. Our entire future depends on this interview.

I'll be flying home next week. I just have to raise the extra money for the difference in the price ticket. This calls for some ingenuity, but we have each other and I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing. It makes the most sense.

****

I have a massive headache due to a little accident this morning. My head is still throbbing and I'm dizzy. I have a nasty huge purplish swollen lump that is painful to touch and I need to lay down. I'll write about it tomorrow when I'm feeling better. It's easier to laugh about incidents like this in retrospect when you're not in pain.

****

On a closing note...

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

You deserve only the best on your special day, I wish I could be there with you right now. I can't really describe in words the depth of my love and appreciation for you. So I'm not even going to attempt it in a photoblog. You know that you are my bestfriend, That never changed and never will.

I'll be home soon, Mom. I love you

Today is also my Sister's birthday

What is so amazing about my sister is that we can be apart for months but when I see her again, it feels as though no time has passed. We just understand eachother. She lives life fully and I'm so proud of her. (she just won a literary award and completed her first novel)

So happy Birthday, Sis.. I saw this video and thought of you. "The Pixies" + sisters + camera. It's good to know we're not the only ones that do this. It made me laugh and reminded me of our times together in Germany.

We would blast "Where is my mind" and crowd around the bathroom sink cracking eachother up. There is nothing that can replace the love and understanding between sisters. You can strip off your mask, let go and be your truest self. We can lay around like sloths with knee-high striped socks and pink wigs. Watching Sex in the City, drinking champagne and eating Happy Hippo snacks like it's going out of style. (only stopping in-between bites to complain about how we're gonna get fat) Who else in the world could I EVER do that with? I can't wait to see you again

Only 7 more days.

When all of this is over and I'm on that plane home, I'll be filled with such relief. It will be cause for a huge celebration with my family. This is the final mountain to climb here in Germany, Then we can start our life TOGETHER in the United States.

Should I stay or should I go

2006-05-12T10:29:00.000-04:00

That's a photograph of Eric (in the middle of snapping the photograph of those tadpoles he posted in the previous entry) at the swamp close to his childhood home last weekend.

It's Clarity again. It's been a while since I've updated here. The truth is I haven't had much of a motivation or desire to post photos of my daily life. I've been feeling pretty low. We've kind of hit a financial rock bottom and for the first time I felt real fear. It's been a rough week.

As you probably figured out from Eric's guest entry we FINALLY received our interview invitation for the Green Card.

Unfortunately it was later than promised. I had a ticket already booked to return to America tomorrow and the interview is scheduled for next week. The ticket is non-refundable and I've spent most of this week pleading with the airline company with little success. I've been beating myself up about this, calling everyone and trying to fix this situation. We can't afford to lose this ticket. I have to get on that plane but if I take this flight I leave Eric in a precarious situation.

I have to find an English notary this afternoon for some new documents I need to sign in front of a witness for the consulate. We're having a hard time. I'm filled with fear that something will go wrong next week, that I should accompany him as we had planned. What if something goes wrong and I'm forced to fly back into Germany?

When circumstances arise that go against your orginal plan, you have two choices. Go with the new circumstances or swim against the current. Swimming against the current takes a courage and financial means that I don't have. We've struggled enough, maybe it's time to just let go. I have no other option.

*****

This afternoon we were sitting together on the city hall steps in town trying to figure out what to do.

"Should I stay or should I go?"

"How does that Clash song go?", Eric asked

"Should I stay or should I go...
If I go there will be trouble
If I stay there will be double."

I guess that answered my question. My bags are packed.

Tomorrow I'll change my photoblog profile from Germany to New York. My days in Europe have come to an end. If I get sentimental about this, I'll only start to cry again. I've said all my goodbyes.

Sometimes you have to just give up. But before I do, I'm going to call the airline company one last time to see if I can change the ticket date. Then I'll surrender entirely to the circumstances and pray.

I hate leaving Eric like this right now and having him attend that interview alone next week. We've waited 5 months for this, if something goes wrong... we would have to start it all over again. I have a bad feeling about this.

My Apologies

2006-05-08T18:34:00.002-04:00

Dear fantastic question engineers,

Hey it's Eric again. I am so sorry that you guys already had to wait so patiently for me to answer your intriguing questions. I really must say I didn't expect such a great turn out and that makes me feel real guilty for not having gotten around to provide your well-deserved response.

But our life is really hanging by a thread right now. Of course it's always to be expected that every once and a while one hits a rough spot. "In every life expect some trouble...if you worry...you make it double..." (drums on stomach and whistles tune. Tune dies out into a long exhausted sigh)

But damn! When you hit that rough spot! It doesn't matter how much you prepare. You can tell yourself that you're not materially attached every day of the week and sure you believe it. You can play the Buddha on the mountain top when everything is just fine and dandy but when someone pulls away the carpet under your feet it just knocks the wind out of you! (I think it's just supposed to)

So you're wondering what happened?

Where shall I begin? I was still standing on my feet when this Embassy thing kept dragging on...and on...and on... We calmly moved out of our flat on two weeks notice, throwing away 90% of all we ever owned. We moved into our bosses.."bomb shelter". Without a word of complaint, we then gave up that little underground dwelling to move to a place where foxes and hares tell eachother goodnight. I became a five year old again under the watchful eyes of my dear guardian mother who hasn't noticed that I aged a bit...

We dealt with the idea that we couldn't leave this country together and the fact that our money was is so tight that we have to turn every penny around twice and it seems like this city is already closed down for us. But when every source of income is removed and we discover that our interview is scheduled a week after the date of Clarity's nonrefundable ticket to New York. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Its just when there is nowhere to move and control is taken out of your hands, the panic sets in. The last inkling of illusion that there is still something one can do is removed, and the last step to letting go, to give up, to just give yourself into the flow of the river that you fell into is just ever so scary. I still feel that this moving season is a precarious time and that I have to make sure everything goes like clockwork. I just haven't quite understood yet that everything does take care of itself and there never was any control.

Deep inside, I know however that the worst of times are the best of times. After all: anything else I had, anything else that I've been trying to control was nothing but a distraction from what is really important. It's like a heavy curtain is opening up in front of me and on a stage with all props removed is the one thing, the one person who is important to me, waiting for me. And the play that is on is the next act of my life. And it hasn't been written yet. Not even in sketches.

And when I look at that image I realize that nothing is more exciting then an empty stage with my wife...waiting for me to play.

So I hope you forgive me for not answering right away, I'm still busy picking up my shell-shocked pieces while Clarity is dangling on the other side of the bridge's railing only held by my tight grip.

Since this IS a photoblog, Here's some photos I took far away from where the action is.

No comment.

Throw me a question

2006-05-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hey this is Eric.

I'm sitting sitting in the only internet and sporting bets cafe in this part of town. The door is open with a warm breeze coming in. Clarity is doing some cooking lesson thingie with Gutrud (How-to-make-a-Frikadelle) and wanted me to write today's entry but my brain is kind of lazy from this summer wind and the birds spell binding chants outside. There is some Turkish music mixing in with it all. I really can't think straight.

So here is an offer, since I love to lecture and answer questions here is an opportunity to hear it from the horse's mouth.

If you ask some questions, I shall answer the three most intriguing ones. Meaning what I find intriguing...not by what is intriguing by objective standard since that is obviously impossible! So if by some freak accident there should be MORE than three questions don't get insulted if I don't pick yours. It does not say anything about how intriguing you are. But do see it as a creative competition!

so ask away.

Have a good day.

-Eric